Not allowed private room

[Spamfritterss]

for my birth I made it clear I wanted to pay for a private room. When giving birth 3 weeks ago I had a bit of a traumatic birth and was told I couldn’t have a private room with bed for my husband due to needing an extra eye kept on me. I was put on a noisy ward where I was placed at the end by the window the row of beds next to me all had their curtains partially closed so you couldn’t see me unless you walked down. I didn’t have someone keep an eye on me I had checks but no more than any one else. My husband and I had been awake for way over 15 hours so I sent him home as one of us had to get some sleep. The ward was full of people and partners chatting all night as well as crying babies. All I wanted was to be alone with my husband. I had no clue what I was doing couldn’t move properly and spent the whole night crying over what had just happened to me. 2 of my mum friends have just given birth and where able to have a private room. I just feel really resentful. I get they thought it was medically necessary but no one could see me and I didn’t get any extra checks

You obviously haven't read the thread as she didn't say that at all

If having a private room was a deal breaker for you, you should have paid for a private hospital birth. Otherwise, it’s whatever is available/suitable at the time.

I didn't even know you could pay for a private room in an nhs hospital.
I got a private room after my first as one happened to be free but I wasn't allowed one after my second as I had a c section so needed to be monitored.
In my eyes it was only for 24 hours so I just cracked on.
I am sorry you had a traumatic birth, but a private room probably wouldn't have helped with that. It may be worth asking for a debrief if your hospital offers that or getting some support if you think you need it.

I wonder if the OP requested an amenity room which is only available if there is one spare and there rarely is! The true private room is circa £500 per night. Has that caused the confusion? The amenity room is as cheap as chips.

Firstly OP. You were the one who gave birth, not your husband. He could have easily stayed with you and napped in the chair and helped with baby whilst you got some rest. I get more and more weary of wives feeling they should send their husbands home because “we’ve both been up all night” - except you have literally given birth to a baby. It needs to be drummed into men that they need to STEP UP after their partner has given birth and not slink of for some “much needed rest”

OP, this can fall into debate about what rooms are available, to who and in what circumstances, but what it probably boils down to is disappointment and resentment that you didn't get the birth experience you envisioned. That's okay, they're really valid feelings that a lot of us have. The realities of an NHS maternity ward, even a great one that is doing it's best, is a shock to the system. They're loud and busy and not great fun when you've just been through the wars. But that's what most of us get, even if we could afford to pay for a private space. The thing is you can't pay your way to your ideal birth experience - there are too many variables in both how your labour goes, and how the wider ward is functioning at that time. Give yourself some time to let it settle. Consider debriefing with the hospital on your traumatic birth. Know that other's birth stories that sound like a dream often conveniently miss out the poop, tears, and bellowing for an epidural. Even where everything goes perfectly, most people look back on those first few days with a newborn as being a hot mess. Focus on yourself and baby, and the cosy times you can have now 💐

John Radcliffe used to do them. NHS birth and then up to the private rooms at £500 per night. You could book in advance

I'm sorry you had a traumatic birth. The problem is probably loads of mothers would love a private room....who wouldn't. I guess the reality is there aren't many private rooms available and the midwives need to make sure they are free for people who really need them and not just want them. I get it though, I was in a ward with my second baby and couldn't wait to get out! Our hospital offered a 'birth reflections' thing where you could discuss what happened during the birth, maybe that would help you.

I'd of loved my own room but there wasn't enough spare rooms. It was hell on the ward! There was a dumb b that kept dropping things and waking all the babies up . There was chatting. There was a poor screaming baby who probably had colic. All of this after having given birth. I hadn't slept in days and was going delirious!

Aren't you awake for 15 hours most days....

This isn’t true, many hospitals have several rooms available on request for payment. However they can’t guarantee they will be available in advance.

In OP’s case they don’t let you stay in a private room if they feel medically they need to keep a more detailed eye on you.

I don't think you should just be grateful for having a healthy baby.

Those wards are awful places to be. I actually threatened to kick the door down of the delivery area if I wasn't discharged immediately. That's how bad my fear was of being admitted to a ward.

I'm really sorry that you had such a bad start to motherhood.

Postnatal wards can be awfully noisy and chaotic and just impossible to sleep in - at a time when you really need your rest and a chance to have lovely bonding time with your baby.

Saying that, the private rooms are allocated on medical need and it’s not always possible to pay for one. During the pandemic for example they were almost always for Covid positive patients and no one else got a look in (at my hospital).

I hope you’ve recovered and are back at home now.

Not true Dragon. I had a guaranteed private room after a NHS birth but paid £500 per night. The amenity room was something like £40. It couldn’t be guranteed.

I had a private room after a c section, it was available right from when I left the recovery bay in the morning so I had all day and night in the private room and never went to the postnatal ward. It was about £150 in a London hospital this year.
They discussed the option with me in advance but they really highlighted that it wasn’t something that could be booked in advance and it was just a roll of the dice if it was available when you needed to be transferred.

They where free as I walked passed 4 empty rooms and was told I could have one on the way up to the labour ward they also have a big sign with the prices and how to get one.

It wasn’t free it was 200 a night I was told by my midwife and then again when at the hospital that I would have the option if I wanted one and to just say

Oh god. This reminds me of when someone had a massive go at me because they were kicked out of their private room so I could have it. Son had just come out of NICU and needed checking on by staff every 60 mins and I was recovering from sepsis. She said 'I hope you're proud of yourself'. I had no clue what was going on.

I wanted to give birth in the birthing pool with minimal pain relief, but I wasn’t allowed to due to clinical reasons. Ended up with an emergency forceps birth and lost litres of blood. You have to let go of the birth you thought you’d have and try and move on. A constructive way to move on might be to request a birth debrief session with them if you think it’ll help you to talk to them and maybe find out more? You can give feedback and might make you feel better.

My baby went straight to special care when he was born as he was quite unwell. I was put in a private room but at 1 am I had to be moved due to someone else taking precedence. I was asked if I’d like to bein a room with other Mums with babies or not. I said not and I was placed on the ante natal ward! I’m sorry it wasn’t made clearer to you how it’s not guaranteed but you should be focusing on your precious baby now as you can’t change the past.

All those people saying “be grateful for the baby you’ve got”.. they have a point but you’re entitled to care after you give birth and my experience of a post natal ward was anything but a place of care. I did a lot to avoid going back to a particular place in subsequent births.

Similar happened to me too BrainLife. That was 26 years ago now and this thread has bought it all back to me.

As if you can't read 🫤

Her first line "I made it clear I wanted to pay for a private room"

The OP has had a horrible time, “at least you’re not dead” is vastly unhelpful.

It sounds like you didn’t get the care you needed full stop, and the room was one of many factors. Accept all the support you can, spend some time with your baby and when you’re ready seek out some support for what you’ve been through. There’s lots of organisations and charities who help with birth and post partum trauma.

I've had incredibly traumatic birthing experiences with my last two.

With my first daughter I'd been kept in hospital for weeks, as she was breech and I had polyhydramnios, so waters breaking not near a theatre would be fatal.

She was born by EMCS when her heartrate dropped. She couldn't breathe properly and had to be taken to SBCU, where they sucked out the fluid and helped her breathe. I didn't see her before she was rushed off.

I was taken up to a ward after the recovery room. I was so distressed being surrounded by crying babies and their happy families, whilst my baby was on another floor and I couldn't even move to see her. She was brought to me a few hours later, but the experience gave me awful anxiety.

With my second daughter, my uterus tore, I lost 3.5 litres of blood and gave birth to a dead baby.

I was given a private suite. I'd be pretty angry if I was expected to be in a ward with living babies (it was bad enough that I could still hear them in the private suite. It wouldn't matter to me how traumatic the birth was for another mother, not if she had a baby that was warm and could cry.

Still though, it must be hard if your friends got what would have benefitted you, I can see how painful and unfair it must seem. I felt the same when I was in a ward without DD1 when others had their babies.

I was even more resentful of the mothers who had crying babies when my was silent.