Not allowed private room

[Spamfritterss]

for my birth I made it clear I wanted to pay for a private room. When giving birth 3 weeks ago I had a bit of a traumatic birth and was told I couldn’t have a private room with bed for my husband due to needing an extra eye kept on me. I was put on a noisy ward where I was placed at the end by the window the row of beds next to me all had their curtains partially closed so you couldn’t see me unless you walked down. I didn’t have someone keep an eye on me I had checks but no more than any one else. My husband and I had been awake for way over 15 hours so I sent him home as one of us had to get some sleep. The ward was full of people and partners chatting all night as well as crying babies. All I wanted was to be alone with my husband. I had no clue what I was doing couldn’t move properly and spent the whole night crying over what had just happened to me. 2 of my mum friends have just given birth and where able to have a private room. I just feel really resentful. I get they thought it was medically necessary but no one could see me and I didn’t get any extra checks

At our hospital if you require more regular observations you can't go to a private paid for room, so for the first 24 hours after c-section or traumatic birth they require you to be on the ward, if all is OK at that point and you need to stay in they will move you to a private room if requested. It's likely they require to keep a closer eye on you.

What I meant to say we had been up all day as normal and then on top 15 hours of labour where no of us could sleep

So sorry that you had such a grotty time OP. I think that postnatal wards are sadly often not the calm and therapeutic places they should be. This is far from acceptable, but is too often reality at the moment.
For patients who have had a more difficult or traumatic time and need an extra eye kept on them, a single room wouldn’t be ideal. Even with the curtains drawn round, you are more easily checked on, even if you don’t actually see it. Patients in side rooms are, sadly, so much less ‘visible’ even if unintentional, especially when the ward is very busy or short staffed. It’s so much safer to have patients in the bay.

YANBU for being upset. I felt really traumatised having to stay in a ward for a week after an emergency CC, whilst feeling very unwell with an infection and trying to look after a newborn. It was so light and noisy, I slept for about 8 hours over the space of 6 nights and my husband couldn't be there to help me look after the baby. It felt so unnatural to be stuck in a room with strangers, unable to leave. I feel choked up remembering how awful it was. I'm sorry you had this experience!

I think it is safer to keep you on a ward if they have any concerns, and let's be honest the NHS is in a state. Sadly it's seems very rare to get the birthing experience you want in a hospital. You could reach out and ask for a debrief if you think it might help?

All I can say is that it does get easier to accept with time. And congratulations on your beautiful baby 🥰

They are relying on the OP's DH, other patients and their partners being the eyes to alert the staff if there is an emergency.

Well the NHS is totally broken

Its not right at all but what did you expect

Also don't agree with paid upgrades

I've had some awful NHS experiences.

Did you ask them why you could no longer have the room you wanted? It looks like you didn’t say anything at all, in which case wouldn’t they assume you were happy where you were?

You may be able to pay for a private room, but women who have had stillbirth or have very poorly babies should have priority.

My DS was born at 26 weeks and obviously was immediately taken to nicu before I even saw him.

I was given a private room for which I am so grateful. Being surrounded by healthy, term babies while my son was fighting for his life would have been too much to bear.

I just think as they are usually quite limited, there is probably always someone who needs one for whatever reason so the midwives should just decide. It could make a big difference to someone's experience during a traumatic time.

Obviously in an ideal world with better post natal care there would a surplus of rooms and then people could pay for them.

What I meant to say we had been up all day as normal and then on top 15 hours of labour where no of us could sleep

@Spamfritterss But, respectfully, so many of us experience exactly the same on top of births not going to plan. It's just how it is. It'd be great if we could all have a private room, I asked myself, none available and so onto the ward I went! There are a million things about maternity care/women's hospital infrastructure that is just backwards.

After my 6th miscarriage, a late one, I came down in a lift with a family with a newborn in a car seat, his mum and dad and what seemed like a thousand 'it's a boy' balloons because that's the way the hospital is laid out.

It's a kicker sometimes when you don't get what you'd like but take comfort in being home now with your husband and your baby. Nothing else, really, matters.

What did they say when you walked by the empty rooms and asked them?

op I just wanted to add as a mother who had a baby who was in nicu I believe you should have had a privet room same as every other mum on this thread and that’s what’s wrong with the nhs. Your feelings are valid please seek help for post birth ptsd which can be real x

YABU. And also, PMSL at you being “awake for over 15 hours”😂 try about 30 and then see how you feel 🙄

I think your dh should have stayed with you and kipped in the chair, our wouldn’t have felt so alone. Those bays aren’t fun, but having others around is safer for you. When I had my ds in 2022 private rooms were for covid positive patients. Ds was premature and v poorly yet because I was covid negative I was in a bay surrounded by babies, it was miserable

Unfortunately my husband was told by the nurses he had to go home at 3 in the morning, he wasn't allowed to be in the recovery ward with me. He would have happily slept in a chair otherwise. It's quite dangerous though letting them drive home after 2 nights of no sleep!

Well I had been up for 3 days with contractions but my partner had been up all day at work and then 15 hours of labour with me. I was so exhausted that when having surgery I fell asleep while loosing litres of blood.

I was in a similar situation OP and fixated on how bad it was on the ward. But I left the next day and we went home with a healthy baby. When I look back now I realise I probably had some sort of PTSD after a traumatic birth and unfortunate circumstances. It was manifested in my obsession with how awful the ward was. I felt obliged to tell everyone and I couldn’t get over it.
My advice to you. Accept it happened, it was unfortunate, unpleasant and (I presume) you are all now okay. Don’t let it spoil those first few months like I did OP. If you can’t, then perhaps seek some help for your trauma and I mean that in as kind a way as possible.

And that is 100% right

I was put in a private room at around 03.00 in the morning, someone else was moved out in the middle of the night.
My son was born with a hypoplastic left heart and went straight NICU.
Three hours later he was blue lighted to GOSH.
There is no way I could have been on a ward with healthy babies and happy (or not) mummies.

So why was his sleep more important then?
You made that decision.

As awful as it is you are better off on the ward, my grandfather had a private room and wasn't checked on and fell and broke his neck - he was blind. A friend's uncle was in a private room and he had a heart attack and no one noticed I til it was way too late and he died. When my father had heart surgery we asked about a private room and his surgeon said absolutely not, he needed to be on a ward where he could be seen.

Hospital is hellish, you're home now which is the important thing. Congratulations 😊

And were there staff available for those rooms? High need births happening? Emergencies requiring staff reallocation? Last minute staff absence?

Truth is you don’t know. You were looked after as well as they could with the resources available & the cohort of birthing moms, postnatal/antenatal etc on the day.

Requesting a paid for room doesn’t guarantee you one.

It wasn’t free it was 200 a night I was told by my midwife and then again when at the hospital that I would have the option if I wanted one and to just sa

I know, I was defending you.

I can understand why you felt upset OP, postnatal wards are hell on earth but it was explained to you why you couldn't have one.

They said due to how bad my both was I needed an extra eye kept on me by the midwives but I didn’t have any extra checks compared to others and I couldn’t be seen as next to me had there curtain up.