Things DP said to me while on holiday

[noodlewoo]

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

He is an utter twat. Rude, ignorant, insensitive and with all the emotional maturity of a spiteful 11 year old. He actually thinks periods are 'disgusting' WTAF? After having our DD, DH had to help me in the loo and change my pad

They don’t start off like this… duh!

He is a horrible horrible horrible person.

Its verbal abuse he is literally putting you down and making you feel less than. Making you feel worthless.

This is a red flag and you need to run x

Also I hope you are ok, you can wear what you want and be who you want. You deserve love and someone that worships you not a turd wipe like this waste of space

He sounds terrible!

No need for those types of comments.

Do something to make yourself feel good - go shopping, get hair done, pamper, nice soak in the bath, listen to some ace music, whatever it takes.

read all of this again to lift your spirits and then speak to him and let him know that to continue this relationship this bullying has to stop.

lots of supports required I think. Confide in a friend and also…big hugs!! x

They don't stay in the bin when you have kids with them they crawl out and use the kids to throw rubbish at you!
Seek advice including legal advice before you leave him op

If he is cheating that's almost the least of her worries- women put up with so much and often only leave when the men cheat. Eveything op wrote is more than enough to leave already.

Pressed post too soon......after helping me in the loo, he kissed me and told me I was beautiful. And trust me, I looked absolutely shite!

Dump him now. Find someone who always thinks you look beautiful and who thinks they're lucky to have you in their life.

Get him to buy you a new wardrobe and a glow up “to prove you”re making an effort’” then find someone nicer.

I'm so glad he's a DP and not a DH. Bin him. Take care of yourself.

If you're punching above your weight that means you're going out with someone who is higher status (probably meaning more attractive) than you

Read "why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft.

I presume this prince of a man has the physique of Chris Hemsworth, the charm and charisma of a young Harrison Ford, and the smouldering good looks of Idris Elba? Thought not 🙄

If he doesn’t find you attractive, he’s free to move on and find someone else (if anyone is willing to put up with him) - and leave you free to find someone who will adore you exactly as you are. He does NOT have the right to bully you, chip away at your self confidence, and treat you like shit.

Trust me, there are plenty of men out there who would appreciate you, tell you you’re beautiful every single day, and lift you up. I left a marriage with a man like yours and found a man who does exactly
this for me, and treats me with respect and admiration. I’ve never regretted leaving my ex for a second, and being single before I met now-DP was a joy. I also showed DC that I deserved respect, happiness, and kindness, and that they should never settle for less in their own relationships.

You deserve so much better, and it’s out there waiting for you - you just need to be brave.

I’d also have a think about what conditions you are going to lay down to him about the way he talks to you as well as how it makes you feel. I’d make it very clear what responsibility he will have to take, both financially and practically, for the children if you decide to leave. He doesn’t get to undermine you in order to push you to go without doing his share of care for the children, if that is what he is doing. I see you have one with additional needs and bet you do most of the heavy lifting there. If he seriously wants the relationship to work he needs to make some changes now. You need to make clear you won’t tolerate his comments any longer, whether ‘for your own good’ or not. You could also point out that he isn’t perfect either.

Oh and I just saw he’s grossed out by periods - is he 12? 😁he does know how adult women’s bodies work, right?

What a twat.

He sounds absolutely awful. He not only didn’t find you attractive, he actively dislikes you.

Why are you still with him?

He's a nasty, mean, contemptible, disrespectful, cruel, gaslighting SOB

You are not over sensitive, you are seeing him for what he truly is

Get your ducks in a row to leave. What's your housing situation - own/rent, whose name?

Firstly, I'm so sorry someone has made you feel like this.
Secondly, you sound lovely, you deserve so much better.
Thirdly - Get. Rid. Of. Him

He sounds like a miserable bastard who doesn’t deserve you.

This. He's showing you his resentment loud and clear, probably hoping you will leave first. You should for your children sakes if nothing else.

Another thing, and I’m asking these questions so it can all make sense to me is that when I was getting changed in the room, he’d look and do a little laugh. I’d ask him what he’s laughing at and he’d say nothing you just make me laugh. What does that even mean? I was literally just getting changed
Come on, you must know by now.
He is making you doubt yourself.

You will never be thin enough, pretty enough, dress sexy enough or what ever according to him because he us trying to keep you down.
Life's to short for this shit.

Be happy and dump him while you still have some dignity and self respect. Take time to reflect and when you find someone new make sure he treats you like the best!

Gone out with my share of wankers and when they start this sort of shit I just do it back to them. It's the end of the relationship as they are being extremely disrespectful and I don't tolerate that.

He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that”

Wow, doesn't that guy look great. Isn't his hair amazing. God I love those jeans, whhhoooaaaa.

“I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

God that guy looks buff. Wonder how much time he spends working in the gym. Maybe he's just got a physical job - tradies are usually pretty buff from all that heavy lifting.

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

Funny you say that. I've had a few people say to me that you're punching - but I tell them I love your personality, it isn't all about looks...

This is good advice.
Kitty, do you and your kids talk about their growing up experiences now? What do they say about your marriage? (This might be helpful for op and other readers to see). I'm their age and would encourage them to go into counselling to process it all. I hope they are happy and enjoying themselves regardless of LTR which aren't the best all and end all of life!
Don't beat yourself up - you did the best you could with the knowledge that you had at the time x

Please get this awful man out of your life. Your self esteem must be rock bottom. Seriously, it would be infinitely better to be alone than with this creature.

Is he a gorgeous specimen.... I suspect not (and being a prize prick is not a compliment)

So that’s your actual gaslighting, right there.

Please, please don’t stand for it. Get rid of him. Anyone who thinks it’s OK to say these things is not a good partner.