Things DP said to me while on holiday

[noodlewoo]

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

Also op, I put on almost two stone in a year and a half of a man like this then got pregnant and baby weight etc - he left me just before baby was born and I was back to the weight before I met him in about four months post Partum. Being in an abusive relationship can make us gain weight as he comfort eat and don't take care of ourselves.

Your DP sounds like a giant fucking arsehole and you deserve better!

@kittylion2 the cartoon makes me want to cry for you. How evil.

I understand the letting yourself go side and that's a seperate issue.

I "let myself go" a few years aho, but in fact, I was depressed. Depressed by the relationship I was in. He'd met me a size 10 and I was a 14 when I finally left him.

If he wants to stay with you, he's grinding you down so you feel like you're lucky he's even with you.
That no one else would want you.

There's a way of saying things. He could say it in a loving way ie, you have a fab figure and could pull off the legging & top look.
On changing, you're so cute when you change, you make me giggle.

You need to be firm with him and answer back in a non confrontational way.

You do realise periods are natural, would you rather I was a man?

On anything body wise, does it make you love me any less?

Don't allow him to wear you down and don't give him the satisfaction.

He sounds like an utter arsehole. I would be evaluation options for the future.

Yep, like other posters have said, it's contempt.

He's looking at other women all the time and comparing you, very unfavourably.

Thinks he's too good for you: 'punching'.

Doesn't care about your back issues: 'don't start'

Your natural bodily functions like your period disgust him: 'anging'

He's an immature little arsehole who obviously hasn't emotionally developed any further from the 21 year old he was when you were first together. He's even told you that if you hadn't had children so young he wouldn't be with you now.

My father was 20 when my older brother was born, when my brother turned 10 my father went the same way...looking back, I see it as him having a very early mid-life crisis. He was sick of being a parent and the sole provider - my mother hadn't worked since having my older brother - and he had plain fell out of love with her. He ended up not even liking her much.

Wow ! He is either insecure and knows your too good for him .
Or he’s getting away with treating you like crap so he keeps doing it .
He thinks he can do better let him go OP

Ive put up with more than I should have at points in my life but if a man was so honesty and nasty I would tell him to leave. .
Its hard to see how you’re questioning anything other than him being a nasty disgusting bully .

He's doing these things and gaslighting you and here you are questioning your reality.
That’s why he keeps going them as you stay.

As above what will you get from a conversation ? He backs down and says he didn’t mean it that way and you accept ? Then all is well ?

No he may pretend for a short while but OP you know what he thinks of you . Either that he’s a nasty narcassist who likes head games and thinks every other women would want him .

I would honestly just leave him and grey rock. No excuse to ever put someone down. Find someone else who loves you for who you are!

Gone out with my share of wankers and when they start this sort of shit I just do it back to them. It's the end of the relationship as they are being extremely disrespectful and I don't tolerate that.
He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that”
Wow, doesn't that guy look great. Isn't his hair amazing. God I love those jeans, whhhoooaaaa.
“I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”
God that guy looks buff. Wonder how much time he spends working in the gym. Maybe he's just got a physical job - tradies are usually pretty buff from all that heavy lifting.
Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.
Funny you say that. I've had a few people say to me that you're punching - but I tell them I love your personality, it isn't all about looks..

I've no time for game playing, mind games, evening the score, whatever, op needs to get shut of someone treating her like shit as all he is going to do is escalate his behaviour.
Why spend years or a lifetime putting up with abuse?

@HotSource , they do but they hide it really well.

Then, when they have had their head turned or decided that being a dad is too much like hard work, they switch on the ring that the frog will eventually boil on.

None of this is your fault, @noodlewoo . Do not blame yourself. As many have probably posted, it's over unless you want the rest of your life to be like this. He has contempt for you. You deserve better than this, as do your DC.

Leave the prick. Leave him. God you're 29, you have decades and decades ahead of you. Don't waste it on this wanker. Also he's a terrible role model for your kid

In no particular order:

find yourself a job
dump him
decide what you want to do with the rest of your life and go for it.

He’s an absolute wanker and he’s negging you so that your self-esteem is at zero.

Time to prove to him it’s not.

I would have dumped him at the airport. What a shallow, vile man he is.

What did you say in response to these things?

@noodlewoo please get some self respect. Don't let ANYONE talk to you this way or make you feel bad about yourself. DH makes me feel like the most beautiful thing on the planet, even when I look like utter shit. That's how it should be. What would you say if a friend, or your mum or daughter was in your shoes?

There is no point at all in trying to discuss this with him. He is utterly horrible. And he does not love you or respect you or want you any more.

Just tell him the relationship is over and leave him. Only be willing to discuss arrangements for the children. Don’t get sucked into debating the relationship.

You will almost certainly need to get a job sooner than you had planned. But it will be so worth it for the effect on your self esteem.

Tell him if he likes those gym sets so much to get one and wear it himself! Then chuck him, preferably in the bin!

It is not your fault and your not being oversensitive!

Life is too short to be putting up with this type of behaviour. I know OP you won't want to split up with him, if he won't listen to you then you need to consider your options.

My sons Dad did this to me. I eventually walked out, that was 13 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did! He would comment on my appearance, my personality, whatever he could really to bring me down! It's no way to live you wonder what's coming next!

He's not a "D" anything - he is a pain in the backside and you DO NOT NEED HIM.

Partners are supposed to support and bolster each pother's ego - they are also supposed to be loving. Is anything he has done or said loving?

If you bought a washing machine and it failed to do the washing you would send it back and get a new one. If you are with a partner who fails to behave like a partner, then send him back where he came from and get a new one.

The minute he compared you to other women was when you should have ended the relationship. It's completely unacceptable, he needs to go

Why the hell are you with this arsehole? Please dump him.

Wow. He’s so cruel.

Get a job for your freedom. What price freedom? Well at the moment, it's him - that's the price you're paying.

Fuck that, 'punching' cunt.

Oh love, he's awful. I've read your posts and you've got kids together so this is hard, but he doesn't respect or value you, and clearly thinks he's a catch (although from the way he treats you, he clearly isn't).

I’m sorry OP but he sounds horrible. He must be eating away at your confidence with all these comments and “jokes”. Do you have a good relationship? Do you truly love him? He doesn’t sound kind, supportive, loving, caring (or trustworthy tbh). This whole holiday would be making me question things with him and wondering if I would be more confident without him and could find someone who adores me

It’s so sad to me that you’re on here asking others if you’re being sensitive.

You obviously have very low self esteem not helped at all by being with a nasty bastard who constantly puts you down and compares you unfavourably to others. I’m so glad you’re not married and presumably don’t have kids, it makes it that much easier for you to walk away.

Which is what you should be doing - very quickly.

Everyone who is reading this who has daughters: please bring them up knowing their worth, compliment them on their brains and achievements yes but also tell them they’re beautiful and worthy of being loved. Tell them to leave at the first sign of abuse. I was luckily brought up like this and would never put up with this treatment, I’d much rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who wants to put me down and shatter my confidence. It’s really important to raise girls in a way that they are confident and take no shit - as there’s so many men like this twat out there.