Things DP said to me while on holiday

[noodlewoo]

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

What a prick! Clearly he is very vain. You are not being over sensitive. He sounds rude and unsupportive. I’d be questioning my relationship if DH started treating me like that. That’s not how a loving husband is meant to act.

Personally I would take a different approach over the next week, Give him a little taste of how it feels, make little comments to him. “Did your barber do something different to your hair this time?” Whilst side eyeing him, or looking confused. Even give his belly a little wobble “ahh I love your dad bod” things like that, always say you meant it as a compliment etc and after a week if he brings them all up sit him down and explain this is how you have felt for the however many years, you just thought that’s how he wanted to be with each other, and maybe it’s for the best if use no longer use underhand comments and stick to real compliments

Having had a partner like this for many years, I’d be getting rid ASAP, my ex still makes comments like this about other people and at times our teenage kids and I am so glad to be shot of his nasty, shallow self

I’d tell him I’d been thinking about what he said about whether people would think one of us is punching and I’d realised what he was hinting at and he was right. I feel I could do better for myself so I’m going to leave him and find someone as good looking as me.

He seems immature, insensitive and resentful.

Absolutely. What a cunt

Criticism like that is controlling behaviour. Plus it's shitty.
You do not deserve any of it, and no, you are not being too sensitive.
Sounds like you need to dump him asap. You deserve far better.
Hold your boundaries when it comes to how people are allowed, or not, to treat and speak to you.

Why does he get to choose??
He's acting like you're not good enough for him, he's disrespectful and mean to you. Why do you want that? Is it because he's been chipping away at your confidence over the years?
I hope you find the strength to bin him, you're worth far more than this man is showing you x

He has contempt for you. Very few relationships survive that.

He's an abuser it won't get better LTB

As is often the case with mumsnet, first response nails it.

I think you should’ve replied that he was punching, and is quite lucky to have you considering he’s a massive prick as well as being a toad.

Oh come on. Are you really not sure if you're being oversensitive? If you thought all this was fine you wouldn't be asking. You know it isn't on. What are you really posting?

Post a pic, I want to drool over what is clearly an oil painting.

OP, next time he's naked, do a little laugh, when he asks why you're laughing, just reply "oh nothing you're just funny" followed by a sweet smile.

I fucking despise men.

My very last holiday with (now ex) H began exactly the same as yours OP, with a similar exchange in the airport before we even got onto the plane. The entire holiday continued in a similar vein. About a week after we returned from the holiday we were separated and later divorced.
This had been building up for a while, and there multiple reasons for the split, but sometimes you have to regain your self respect and walk away from someone who treats you with such contempt. Life's too short. 💐

I had an ex that would say similar. Go out for dinner and see other women dressed up and he'd ask why I didn't.
Would constantly say I'd look better a bit slimmer. I got down to a size 10/12 and still said I needed to lose more.
Looking back.. total bell end. He was the one that needed to improve and not me..

This is the bit where you draw yourself up to your full height and realise "beach ready" is a state of mind and not something on a diet sheet.

So ... Is he the perfect Adonis then?! 🤣

Or a father of two kids in his late twenties?

And who the flump wants to wear Gym gear at the airport unless it has an actual gym? Comfy clothes and sensible shoes are needed for flying.

I think you need to learn to laugh in his face when he gets like this and be proud you're not like the women he keeps pointing out.

Your husband is a dickhead.

Urgh, I had an ex that used to do this. He's an ex for that reason. The most satisfying thing is, I glowed myself up afterwards because he was dragging my self esteem down and years later he now looks like a balding mr potato head, the woman he married after he left me left him almost the second the ink was dry on the marriage certificate and he's been single ever since.

I'm now happily married to a man who resembles a Greek God and is also a wonderful person.

You really dont have to put up with his garbage. There is so much better out there waiting for you x

You felt “a bit shitty and unloved?”

I don’t doubt it.

That guy is cruel, insulting and nasty. 👺

Please OP gather your belongings and your self respect and run. Fast and far.

I’m not even going to dissect all the things his treatment of you amounts to because he simply isn’t worth the time or discussion. Just bin him.

Dump him. And if you want to, for your own benefit not his, give yourself a glow up. He sounds like he’s had a very negative effect on your self esteem.

OP he's laughing at how you look when you get changed and insinuating that you're punching above your weight by being with him - how are you not seeing that?
He's then gas lighting you into believing he's doing it out of the kindness of his lovely little heart.
He's a twat OP, life shouldn't be like this. What was your childhood like to make you think any of this is ok? You self esteem must be on the floor.

Also anyone criticising you for being a SAHM when you have a young child with high needs is also a twat.

Out of curiosity is he some fucking Greek god or thinks he is. What a horrible barstard

So don’t talk to him. Get ready to go and put it all in a letter you leave behind.

Honestly op I am quite forgiving of partners on here ( in comparison to some MNers) as we all make mistakes. But these aren’t t mistakes: he’s telling you how very little he thinks of you in a dozen different ways - and it really isn’t all that subtle.

Im sorry btw. That’s a harsh message but I do think you need to hear it.

The bit where he was ogling other women in leggings and saying it would be good if you could dress like that gave me this bilious sensation and made me think my soup I had for supper was off because I felt so queasy. But no, DH and and Dc are fine. It was his comments made me literally sick.

I had an ex that would comment on my lack of make up, and never 'made an effort like mate's gf's" Also if I got any bigger he wouldn't be interested. ( I was a size 12) It doesn't get better -it eroded my self esteem. I was with him for 4 years luckily no DCs with him.
He was a skinny large nosed meerkat lookalike who wore 3/4 shorts and a grubby t shirt....Make plans to leave him.OP you deserve so much better.