Things DP said to me while on holiday

[noodlewoo]

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

This gaslighting and a typical method of abuse.

My ex would convince me he had my best interests at heart, that he was only saying these cruel things to me for my own good, that I was over reacting etc.

He would laugh/sneer if I got changed infront of him, hell he did a million things that on their own he could explain and talk me down from. But when you put them all together he was a typical abuser.

Please do some reading/research and please, please, please do not let this man diminish you.

Feel free to PM me when you’re ready.

I'm in awe that the word you didn't say was "Cuntychops".

You at least have that going for you.

The turning things around to make himself look good and confuse you about his intentions, making you feel stupid and unworthy, is called gaslighting.

It's a classic abuser tactic.

Quite frankly, telling him how you feel will only cheer him up and reassure him that he has you firmly under his thumb. It will make him happy to see you upset.

It would be different if he wasn't an abusive twat. But he is abusive and a twat, so if I were you, I'd just keep a note of what he said, and not open up your heart to him. He'll just use the opportunity to hurt you more.

I wouldn't play games with him either - no sending him to his mother's to have a think. You already know how that would turn out anyway.

Call Women's Aid
0808 2000 247

...and see what they can advise you wrt getting him off the tenancy and retaining your right to the house with the children.

He sounds like one of these passive aggressive arseholes who makes snide little digs about your weight, your fashion, your looks. And then when you confront him he'll claim it's your imagination playing tricks on you!

And he mightn't even realise he's doing it, or if he does realise it, it's because he's "doing you a favour". Like you said, "it's for your benefit, not mine". Who knows how these people think!

Hope you aren't married to this tosser

You had your chance and you missed it. I'd have pushed that fecker over board accidentally on purpose

Don't think it's always a defence as sometimes people actually believe it.

They believe it because of the man being clever in their manipulation.
Usually, an abuser will be great with everyone else, so if you did raise concerns, you're the problem as he's such a good dad/brother/friend etc.

This is a tactic to confuse the victim.

So true. It’s very effective too.

Hes either a really horrible person who has no manners whatsoever, or an extremely manipulate person who has been strategically chipping away at your confidence for years - both are not good.

You sound defeated, leave him for a much happier life where you aren't compared to other women and you have a chance to meet someone who treats you how you deserve. Honestly don't waste another second with this disgusting person

If anyone ever spoke to me like that it would be the end.

Seriously, get rid of him. He is doing nothing for your self esteem. He sounds like a total knobhead.

Literally tell him if he doesn't like your clothes/weight etc to Fuck off. I'm sure he's a fucking oil painting himself. Not. If he likes those "gym sets" to fuck off and get a woman who likes wearing them. Men like thar really wind me up. 😡

I don’t normally leave comments on threads, but this really got me. For the love of god, please get rid of this vile man. Absolutely not oversensitive. He is making a concerted effort to make you “aware” that he is much better and more attractive than you, and that you are luckily to have him. He isn’t and you most certainly are not! Run and don’t look back!!

He is so disrespectful. You don’t have to put up with being spoken to like that.

He seems 100% odious; my heart goes out to you.

He sounds like a complete knob! I think it's a sign of an insecure man when they do that. My husband has done it and I just ignore him totally now and he's stopped it . I am very thick skinned as had verbally abusive mum unfortunately.

Or OP, next holiday, you start making some comments about some of men you see, who may be younger and better dressed than your hubby.

I mean my hubby is a bit chubby and I'm like 😂😂 'That woman wouldn't be interested in your body, she's way out of your league dearest'!!

He's a bully and bullies always have their own vulnerabilities. What are his do you think?

This man sounds like he doesn't respect you and spends too much time thinking about other women. You deserve better. You deserve the opposite of this.

You really do deserve better than him. Easy to say “leave him”, I know, but for your well being I think you must. He’s controlling you at the moment by his behaviour and that is not good. Listen to what has been said on here already and get him out of your life - there’s someone much kinder out there, honestly.

What an absolute pig.
I would tell him that nobody should mention someone else's weight or criticise them.
I think you should bin him , he sounds like a complete knob head.

Why do so many people think that if a thought comes into their brain, they should release it into the wild.

Pretty much all of those things he said should have stayed well wrapped up. He’s a bit of a knobhead.

He’s a cruel pig dump him

Get rid. What a tosser.

He sounds vile. Why are you with him?