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Original poster

Things DP said to me while on holiday

641 replies

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 07:01

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 08/10/2024 12:11

He's a nasty mean angin individual OP. Get rid.

snoopsy · 08/10/2024 12:13

does your husband have a perfect body and wear "trendy" clothes?
does he give you enough time to do things you like doing for yourself?
do you share household responsibility, tasks and income?

laveritable · 08/10/2024 12:15

Please dont let anyone talk to you like this! This is abuse!

MissUltraViolet · 08/10/2024 12:21

Just saw your last update - don't let him try and twist this into some 'I said it for you, I didn't mean it in a bad way!!' BS. Pointing out other women and asking why you can't look/dress like them, telling you to go on a diet and laughing at you when getting changed is him doing fuck all for you. It isn't encouraging or helpful, it is humiliating, disgusting abuse.

Not only are you clearly a much nicer, respectful, kinder human being I bet anything you are better looking than he is too.

Tell the prick to leave and have at it, I am sure all of these girls in their gym wear will be queuing up because presumably he's absolutely gorgeous with chiseled abs and impeccable dress sense.

Mostlyoblivious · 08/10/2024 12:22

He’s terrible. You are being the opposite to a little sensitive. Is he putting you down to keep you or do you think he’s looking around for the next person? None of this is to support you, he’s trying to shame you.

SlumberRooneysHome · 08/10/2024 12:23

When we were on holiday in July my husband noticed we had put on weight - had been so busy working we had lost track - and he did sort of hint we could do with getting fitter which we have started to do since we've been back. However he said it in a tactful way. He meant both of us. He said we could be healthier. He wasn't picking holes in my appearance or clothes or anything else. There is a way to encourage someone to get fit and it usually involves suggesting you get fit together!

Purplecatshopaholic · 08/10/2024 12:32

Sounds to me like this relationship is in its death throes. You got together young and likely are in fact still together because of the kids. He sounds massively immature and may have had his head turned. He will likely get nastier and nastier so you eventually dump him, so he can say it wasn’t him, you are evil, let yourself go, etc. Sorry op, you deserve better.

Pumpkinpie1 · 08/10/2024 12:34

Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship . He seems to have forgotten that.
Your husband sounds very immature and abusive.
You are young OP you have choices.
I would start by becoming financially and socially independent . Stop seeing housework and childcare as your sole responsibility and change your language accordingly.Stop acting like his mother and picking up after him , he has children he needs to care for independent of you.
Marriage takes hard work communication and respect. If he isn’t prepared to step up and treat you as an equal and not an ornament he doesn’t deserve you.

Choochoo21 · 08/10/2024 12:35

He doesn’t like you.

How would you feel if a colleague or friend said these things?

Would you think you were being over sensitive or would you they think they were rude and didn’t like you?

It sounds like you’re together purely out of habit, rather than actually wanting to be together.

I would seriously consider whether this is a relationship you want to stay in and work hard at.

Because gently, I can see him leaving you soon and I think you either need to start preparing for it and/or getting in there first.

Don’t leave yourself in a position where if he left tomorrow you’d be struggling.
Focus on making it as easy as possible for yourself and kids.

Original poster
noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 12:36

A friend has suggested telling him to go to his mums/a friend for a few days. She says this is to show him that I’m serious and will give him time to see if he really does want to be with me or not. The problem with this is the fact that I am 99% sure that he’ll say he wants to come back but I know it’ll just be for the convenience of having somewhere to live etc

OP posts:
Mostlyoblivious · 08/10/2024 12:40

So you have your answer. Don’t let him back. You’ll have a happier life without that constant bullying

ChoccieCornflake · 08/10/2024 12:40

I would tell him to go to his mums and then not take him back no matter what. He's a massive arse

Spaniellover2 · 08/10/2024 12:42

He is dismantling your feelings of self worth brick by brick. He is being spiteful.

Ivehearditbothways · 08/10/2024 12:42

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 12:36

A friend has suggested telling him to go to his mums/a friend for a few days. She says this is to show him that I’m serious and will give him time to see if he really does want to be with me or not. The problem with this is the fact that I am 99% sure that he’ll say he wants to come back but I know it’ll just be for the convenience of having somewhere to live etc

Edited

Why would you get to keep the house? Maybe he’ll want to keep it. Can you afford it on your own? Most SAHM who don’t want to work have to move somewhere cheaper than the joint home.

MidnightBlossom · 08/10/2024 12:42

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 12:36

A friend has suggested telling him to go to his mums/a friend for a few days. She says this is to show him that I’m serious and will give him time to see if he really does want to be with me or not. The problem with this is the fact that I am 99% sure that he’ll say he wants to come back but I know it’ll just be for the convenience of having somewhere to live etc

Edited

But if that is the only reason, then bin him off full stop. Why would you waste your one precious life with someone who does not respect you, who puts you down, and who - in your own words - is only there because it's convenient for him?

Love yourself first.

Sera1989 · 08/10/2024 12:44

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 12:36

A friend has suggested telling him to go to his mums/a friend for a few days. She says this is to show him that I’m serious and will give him time to see if he really does want to be with me or not. The problem with this is the fact that I am 99% sure that he’ll say he wants to come back but I know it’ll just be for the convenience of having somewhere to live etc

Edited

The question isn't whether he wants to be with you or not, it's whether he will treat you with love and respect instead of bullying you.

He isn't the one making the decision here, you are - Do you want to be with him? Would you be happy with the relationship if nothing changed? Do you believe he can change?

Of course he'll say he wants to come back, he's used to being with you and doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour. He thinks you're the one who needs to change (you don't).

Original poster
noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 12:45

@Ivehearditbothways The house isn’t his, we rent from the council. The DC will be with me so he’d be the one going

OP posts:
MidnightBlossom · 08/10/2024 12:45

He sounds like a total douche BTW.

You don't make jokes at other people's expense. If you love someone, you don't put them down and chip away at their self-esteem. If you care about and respect them, then when they tell you your comments are hurtful, you apologise and want to make it right - you don't immediately justify it by saying it's banter or that they are being over-sensitive.

You don't have a sense of humour / I'm only joking / I'm saying it to help you - all the standard bullshit lines of the negging arseholes who think that the best way to keep their partner is to destroy their self-esteem so completely, that they won't say boo to a goose.

Ivehearditbothways · 08/10/2024 12:48

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 12:45

@Ivehearditbothways The house isn’t his, we rent from the council. The DC will be with me so he’d be the one going

You can’t force him. If he is on the tenancy then you can’t force him. Even if the kids won’t live with him full time.

And again… how are you going to afford it?

swimsong · 08/10/2024 12:49

Ivehearditbothways · 08/10/2024 12:42

Why would you get to keep the house? Maybe he’ll want to keep it. Can you afford it on your own? Most SAHM who don’t want to work have to move somewhere cheaper than the joint home.

Show quote history

Are you, by any chance, related in some way to speedmop?

Original poster
noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 12:50

@Ivehearditbothways I would be entitled to help towards the cost of the rent whilst I am out of work. I get DLA and carers allowance for DS so I am not completely financially dependent on him

OP posts:
FFSWherearemyglasses · 08/10/2024 12:50

OP this dick is NEVER going to change. He doesn’t even like you, he has completely checked out of this relationship and in putting up with it you are actually enabling him.
Have some self respect and get rid of this dead weight from your life.
Good luck 💐

Original poster
noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 12:50

@swimsong 🤣

OP posts:
peachesarenom · 08/10/2024 12:52

I think you should tell him he's punching and then saying you can't put up with it anymore and you're off to upgrade!

Baseline14 · 08/10/2024 12:52

You are living with a bully. He's spent the last 12 years making you feel like you are not good enough for him. Like the behaviour of laughing at you getting changed...if one your children said that was happening at school changing rooms you know you would see it as bullying.

I know it's been a long time you have been together and you are pretty reliant on him at present but life can be a lot more pleasant without a bully in it chipping away at every ounce of self confidence you have.

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