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AIBU?

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Original poster

Things DP said to me while on holiday

641 replies

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 07:01

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

OP posts:
MrsSunshine2b · 08/10/2024 11:14

What an arrogant nobhead. Tell him you've decided to lose 12 stone and kick him out. If he's as gorgeous as he believes himself to be, he'll be inundated with all the female attention, and you can focus on yourself.

DoloresHargreeves · 08/10/2024 11:18

You need to leave. You're so young, and he treats you with contempt. Sorry OP, but He hates you. Better alone than with someone who hates you.

echt · 08/10/2024 11:22

Leave. The. Bastard.

Chowtime · 08/10/2024 11:22

Dump him.

You're young, you've got your kids, your don't need a man. Leave him and focus on getting a career for yourself.

The day I realised I out-earned my ex was the happiest day of my life.

PrettyPickle · 08/10/2024 11:22

MassiveOvaryaction · 08/10/2024 11:03

Or, you know, a simple "fuck off twat".

I think your last paragraph explains that actually @noodlewoo doesn't need to do any of what you first suggested, she just needs to get rid.

Show quote history

No denying she does deserve better, but if their relationship is good in all other respects, and there are kids involved, isn't it worth trying to sort him out before she cuts and runs?

I agree he is not sounding too good, but once he realises how wrong he is and how serious she is, it may make him think again.

Personally I wouldn't be ready to walk without trying if that is the only thing that is wrong. But if she gets serious with him and he still does not take responsibility....then she should ask him to go because its the best thing for her and the kids.

Relationships are not easy, but they committed to each other for life when they married and had kids so fight for it, and if he doesn't take ownership and address it, then walk away.

Peclet · 08/10/2024 11:24

I wouldn’t try and talk to him. I’d take control.

You don’t like me, you belittle me and find me unattractive. i think you should leave as you’re not happy and I’m not happy being with someone who doesn’t like me.

SherbetSweeties · 08/10/2024 11:27

He sounds like an emotional bully. Putting you don't and chipping away at your self esteem etc.

ToriMJ · 08/10/2024 11:31

Jesus. Have you no standards at all?
Bin this horrible nasty cunt.

ToriMJ · 08/10/2024 11:33

Honestly. Don't let the 12 years youve didn't with him be the reason to waste another 12.
He's purposely trying to break your spirit.
The laughing at you, that is literally him
Trying to make you feel shitty. It's so weird.
Just leave him, you'll feel amazing in 6 months.

Conniebygaslight · 08/10/2024 11:33

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 09:00

I know you’re all right but it’s just hard to believe because I know if I have a talk with him and tell him how horrible he’s been and how he’s made me feel, he’ll tell me I’m wrong, that he’s said these things for me, he didn’t mean them in a bad way etc. That’s the fustrating thing because I know who’s right in this situation but he will switch things round on to me. I’m going to speak to him tonight and be forceful and make my feelings clear

Don't expect him to do anything other than gaslight you Op....That's the only response you'll get and you will again feel like it's you. You need to leave him before he cheats on you, if he hasn't done already.

Elphamouche · 08/10/2024 11:39

I hope you enjoy single life. What a wanker!!!

MarkWithaC · 08/10/2024 11:44

He's a straight-up cunt, OP. But you know that really, don't you.

FetchezLaVache · 08/10/2024 11:45

noodlewoo · 08/10/2024 07:23

So we are still young (29) and had our first DC when we were 21. While we were on holiday he said “do you wonder what our life would be like if we didn’t have children so young” now I can’t remember exactly what he said next it was either that we probably wouldn’t still be together or that we might not still be together. Then when I questioned that he said he was joking

It sounds to me like you probably ARE only still together because you had the children. Maybe the relationship has simply run its course, but instead of sitting you down and working out together what to do about it, he's decided to be as much of a cunt as he can to force you to make the decision for you both. Time for a serious chat, I think.

BunnyLake · 08/10/2024 11:48

He sounds awful. He’s basically telling you he doesn’t fancy you and he doesn’t want to be married to you anymore. He’s just telling you in passive aggressive digs rather than coming out with it straight.

You’re still young enough to build a new life for yourself and your children. It’s not good for you or them to have more years of him picking at you. I’d be making plans to end this marriage.

Passmetheaero · 08/10/2024 11:50

He’s awful to you. He clearly doesn’t like or respect you. You’re so young - please
dont waste your 30s with this arsehole

Maria1979 · 08/10/2024 11:52

You feel unloved because that is what you are. Why stay with someone who not only doesn't love you but who also wants to hurt you as much as possible. Even one of the things he told you would have made me go berserk with my DH. He would have to work really hard to make that up to me. Where is your anger OP? Do you have so low selfesteem that you think he's right in saying those things to you or laughing at you getting dressed. How vile he is the bastard, I'm so upset on your behalf that I want to shove his head down a stinky loo. But you are the one who needs to be angry. And you would if you thought that you were worth better- which you are !!!

swimsong · 08/10/2024 11:52

Tell him to go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.

Katielovesteatime · 08/10/2024 11:56

DUMP HIM

GivingitToGod · 08/10/2024 11:58

Hi OP, he seems brutally insensitive and tactless. I'm unsure if you have gained extra weight that makes you unhealthy ( but that is absolutely no excuse for his actions/words). If that is the case, could he be clumsily addressing this? I'm not saying that makes him right at all and his behaviour and choice of words is inexcusable. Is he normally tactless and abrasive?

GivingitToGod · 08/10/2024 12:00

PrettyPickle · 08/10/2024 11:22

No denying she does deserve better, but if their relationship is good in all other respects, and there are kids involved, isn't it worth trying to sort him out before she cuts and runs?

I agree he is not sounding too good, but once he realises how wrong he is and how serious she is, it may make him think again.

Personally I wouldn't be ready to walk without trying if that is the only thing that is wrong. But if she gets serious with him and he still does not take responsibility....then she should ask him to go because its the best thing for her and the kids.

Relationships are not easy, but they committed to each other for life when they married and had kids so fight for it, and if he doesn't take ownership and address it, then walk away.

Show quote history

Brilliant, sensible advice

Chateauneufdu · 08/10/2024 12:01

Id leave him tbh

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 08/10/2024 12:02

His head's been turned.

MissUltraViolet · 08/10/2024 12:09

I wouldn't have made it on the plane, he'd have been told to get fucked in the middle of the airport and I would have gone home to unpack my bags and fill it with his shit to leave out front.

Yeah, one of you is punching and it's him. FFS, vile pig. Why do you even care what he thinks of you at this point, how does he not disgust you?

Barryplopper · 08/10/2024 12:10

He sounds unbelievably immature. What would his reaction be if you kept checking other men out and basically saying you wished he looked like them? It's horrid behaviour...you can do better, I've been with my oh since college..together 14 years and not once has he tried to make me feel insecure! I couldn't cope with a man that is just on the lookout and pointing anyone remotely attractive out from morning till night! X

Scottishskifun · 08/10/2024 12:10

Maria1979 · 08/10/2024 11:52

You feel unloved because that is what you are. Why stay with someone who not only doesn't love you but who also wants to hurt you as much as possible. Even one of the things he told you would have made me go berserk with my DH. He would have to work really hard to make that up to me. Where is your anger OP? Do you have so low selfesteem that you think he's right in saying those things to you or laughing at you getting dressed. How vile he is the bastard, I'm so upset on your behalf that I want to shove his head down a stinky loo. But you are the one who needs to be angry. And you would if you thought that you were worth better- which you are !!!

@noodlewoo this post sums it up perfectly.

He's been deliberately cruel amd nasty. I've been with my DH for 14 years not once has he said anything like that to me and I have ranged from size 8 to size 16 (now a size 10.)
When I have been unhappy about my weight he encourages me but approaches it together and gently if it's what I wish to do e.g. let's go for a walk but it is following a conversation we have had together.