To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

Twenty-two years of give and take, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me and I just don’t build resentment up in my head about tidying up after him in return. I won’t list our entire history but he’s always there for me whatever and I couldn’t care less about doing anything in return.

It is because I have a husband that steps up in fact not even steps up as you put it but he does his fair share around the house plus working long hours is the way I’m seeing it how I am. You’re meant to be a team so if one person forgets something there are no points for being petty and not mentioning it to them when you yourself have thought about it.

To me, spiteful would be if OP deliberately put a load of washing in to prevent him from physically using the machine, or she hid the washing powder or something.

I genuinely don't see what's spiteful about just carrying on with your day as normal and letting your partner sort his washing out on his own time

I literally cannot imagine doing my washing and the kids and not just chucking my husband's in at the same time.

Because my own clothes are a full load.
We have our own washing baskets so I have no idea when he needs to do a wash!

So if you saw that your partner was making a mistake, you wouldn't say? You would just let him make the error?

True, you're meant to be a team. Couldn't agree more. eg when I got home from doing all the shopping and running around and told DH I'd unload in a minute.... he still started unloading the shopping while I went ot the loo and to change my clothes because he's a good man and was fully aware he'd been sitting watching rugby while I was out and about getting stuff done.

BUT, it's pretty obvious that in this case, not least by the fact that OP's DH has blamed her for HIM forgetting - that OP and her DH do not have this level of team spirit and that, in fact, OP is consistently picking up the vast bulk of the load, even up to and including doing all the washing for her stepchildren. And as far as I am concerned, this is far more of an issue - that he dared to blame HER for HIM forgetting to do a task that only benefits HIM.

So this is less about her being petty and more about her being proactive in taking at least one thing off her plate and refusing to rescue her DH. Again.

Honestly I've given up and you might as well too 🤦‍♀️

There's no point when someone's deliberately trying to not understand what you're saying.

At least I hope it's deliberate because nothing could be clearer.

I know, it's deeply depressing - clearly many women are so deeply entrenched in the patriarchy that fair play for household chores seems like a pipe dream.

All this talk of being a 'team' - he clearly isn't part of any team when his wife does 75% of the laundry and he still can't be arsed to remember to wash his own pants.

Gah. Rant over.

I didn't need to. That's the point. I'm so confused by this point.

Thanks random man

What and "nag" him?

LOL WOT I've never counted his shirts

I used to do all the washing for myself and my ex husband.
Washed it, got it dried, put it away.
Then he'd come downstairs moaning he had no clean socks. I'd go upstairs, the laundry basket in his room (that's another story) was overflowing. With the lid perched on top.
"Look, l wash it. I hang it out. I make sure it's dry, l iron it if it needs it, I put it away. If you can't see all those dirty things sitting there when you're in there going to bed, getting up, getting dressed, what do you think's going to happen?
If you bring them downstairs, I'll do them with mine. I refuse to carry your dirty things down to the machine. You're a grown man."
This was a man who could strip down a motorbike or a car engine and put it back together. But the washing machine, apparently, was a mystery.
We both worked full time. I worked shifts.
It's not rocket science. He knows he's worn clothes all week. He takes them off at the end of the day. What does he think's going to happen to them?
I would not be 'reminding' him. If he can hold down a job, he'll need to 'remember' things.

Seriously, ignore random chap.

Does your husband remind you when you should do your washing? The manchild is getting off lightly, as you do the children’s washing too.

If his Boss at work had to remind him every time a task needed doing, he would soon be sacked. It’s his own problem if he ‘forgets’ to wash his clothes and has no shirts. I mean, come on, how old is he - 12!,,

Well if he considers "did you do your washing?" to be nagging then leave him to it

Because I do it

WOAH CRAZY IDEA. You mean people have to do more than one chore? Wooooooaaaaah. (Sarcasm I love your post)

I am the chief gardener and DIY happens once every 4 months if he can be arsed. I do not have a car.

Well if he considers "did you do your washing?" to be nagging then leave him to it this is tempting

If you're going to talk about me, at least @ me so I can respond...

Essentially partnerships should be exactly that, working together for the good of your family.

If this laundry issue is a symptom of wider issues such as unequal effort into the partnership that you must address that. Do you both put the same effort in? Do you have equal leisure time?

So if you saw that your partner was making a mistake, you wouldn't say? You would just let him make the error?

It wouldn't even be on my radar as a mistake in the first place, because when he does his laundry is absolutely nothing to do with me 🙄

As a grown man, I assume he's capable of understanding how to use a washing machine, and how long he needs to give his clothes to dry before he needs them again for whatever reason.

I don't understand why you (and others) are trying to make his laundry someone else's problem 🤷‍♀️

Sorry for not being as ‘smart’ as you and knowing how to tag you.

It’s not a partnership though is it? She does her laundry and the kids, but he expects a reminder to do his own.

I wonder if Op does her share of gardening, DIY home and car maintenance?

Whenever anybody is discussing men's participation in domestic work and mental load, some bright MRA comes up with the 'well good luck putting bins out by yourself!!" like they've just discovered a new planet.

Honestly, anybody who genuinely believes the traditional 'manly' jobs in an average household are in any way equal to women's work, needs to have some screws tighened indeed.

I can't believe you do his children's laundry and he has the cheek to moan at you. You deserve so much better.

Wow, did you just come straight from incel forums? Have you never met a woman doing gardening (assuming OP even has one). Our house needs precisely 0 DIY. And odd tightening of a loose door handle takes 15 minutes once a year. Do you know how long I spend folding my partner’s laundry, shopping and cooking every week? I also take my car to a mechanic and pay for it out of my own money. And I pump my own tires, wash it and change oil. FFS

Exactly.

And don't most women just do their own car maintenance, DIY, gardening etc. as needed?