To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

Yep. Woman responsible for man’s failure yet again. And some here are actually supporting that. Weird.

It's pathetic. He shouldn't need to be reminded. He knows he wears clothes. He knows they need to be washed. He knows he agreed to Saturday as the washing day. If he doesn't wash his clothes on Saturday it's his problem.
I don't see why these men should be babied like this.
If he was living alone he'd have to do his washing all by himself so why is this any different.

i would once or twice to help him into the routine, but after that my default with everyone, including my teens is 'you have an alarm/reminder feature on your phone, and on the google nests, use it.'

Seems an odd set up tbh. In our house all washing goes in the one basket and when it's full it's sorted into lights and darks by whoever filled the basket. They put on the first wash and as soon as someone notices it's finished they empty it and put the next one on. It's everyone's responsibility. I wouldn't dream of separating clothes by who owns them 🤣 imagine him having to put the washer on for 1 white shirt cause you didn't bother putting his in with the rest of the whites. Makes no sense it's a waste of water. And electric.
Also, teach the kids how to do it.

I would have laughed if my DH had said this to me. It implies responsibility. Of course I live in a caring relationship and I would want to help my DH (who also does his own laundry), but if he tried to make me feel responsible over something as stupid as this I would be annoyed and point that out to him.

I think it would depend a lot on how you dry your clothes and what room is available. We have a tumble dryer and an old fashioned wash house space, so no planning necessary. But if you have to air dry things and have limited room to do it, more thought would have to go into it. OP mentions an indoor airer, in the singular, which makes me think there's no tumble dryer here. Of necessity you'd have to plan.

Yeah, absolutely. Also it really annoys me because so often women are so grateful that their DH does these tasks and the man turns them into this massive event when we're just getting on with the daily toil of cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. Dh does actually do his share, but he spent 4 hours putting up one shelf on the weekend. I certainly will not be dropping to my knees in gratitude for this mammoth, hugely valuable "man task" that he has taken on. In the four hours he was doing that I took DS to a friend and came back, cooked dinner (a ROAST), tidyed up from dinner and got DD bathed. I also spent at least an hour on the couch watching TV.

What’s so weird about it? Some people have to separate out their clothes - mechanics, hairdresser/barber etc. you just have a separate pile. Then you can do the work stuff all in one go so it’s fine as a weekly wash. To be fair if I see the pile there of work stuff and it’s a full load, I’ll do it if I’m free. But that’s because my DH doesn’t act like a teenager who needs task allocated to him. Op clearly was struggling doing all the laundry and so why not get her DH to do his own work stuff??

Fair enough. I was just thinking that they could buy another airer. However, I'm not particularly fussy where the airer is located so space has never been an issue and I'm happy to hand sheets and towels on the door. Maybe someday laundry planning will come to me too.

But she did think he’s not using it because she said she assumed he hadn’t any washing to do, he has been at work all week so anyone would guess he does he’s just forgot. That’s where most people would just say are you doing any washing? Especially considering OP thought about doing her own you would go check just incase he was about to put any in but it comes across OP didn’t check because she didn’t want to remind him because it’s his job not hers, which is petty (as many others have said). He shouldn’t have blamed OP for not reminding him he should have remembered himself. Just wouldn’t hurt to help your DH out if you know he’s obviously forgot something

Does he also expect reminders to take a shower and brush his teeth?

he only has 5 shirts ?!!!

or does he not do laundry weekly ?

I don't think people who do separate laundry actually separate their spouses clothes from the basket. Everyone just has their own and they're in charge of it. I'm not sure it is crazier than both making sure their own car is maintained or that they have their packed lunch for work.

We don't fight about laundry and it has never been an issue. But we have very different styles of doing laundry. I prosnalyl don't separate colours. However I'm particular on what goes into 30° and what in the 40°. My parner on the otherhand wants to wash everything on hotter. We do our laundry together (well he does. He runs out of clothes before I do) but I gently would prefer to do it separate cause I already need to make sure my 30° ones are taken our before he does the load.

Where is the evidence he is sharing it?
No doubt it would her putting it on then he " forgets" to hang out.
So she has to remind him
If it is shared then Op wouldn't be writing an aibu
" My DH does his fair share of the laundry"😂

Exactly this! My son does his own washing but I often say “I’ve got some dark/light washing going on that has room for more, if you have anything to go in get it now and put it on”. He’ll either say thanks, or no thanks. Same with partner. I don’t get this MN thing about catching people out, one upmanship or living separate lives!

Just this
I've got the ick and he's not even my DH 😂

It's because I only work 4 days a week and he does 5. On my day off I do laundry and food shopping.

No couple would have separate laundry if both would behave the way you suggest.

You send up with separate laundry after years of doing it all and having enough of the imbalance.

Or a bit like him picking out only his stuff to wash and not sticking in his childrens or wife’s too?

My DH washes his work uniforms for the week every Saturday.

If I noticed he hadn't, I'd simply mention it 🤷‍♂️

But then again, we quite like each other.

Just wouldn’t hurt to help your DH out if you know he’s obviously forgot something

But she didn't know he'd obviously forgotten something she says in her OP that she just assumed he didn't need to do any washing that day, which sounds perfectly reasonable and normal to me.

Thanks, I guess that makes sense. I ask because it frequently seems to be men opting out of doing stuff for their children, like when you hear about family holidays and the wife always packs for the kids, whilst the husband just takes care of himself. I always wonder how that starts.

I literally can't imagine doing someone else's washing. I don't get involved in any of the rest of anyone else's hygiene, I don't wipe my partner's arse or put him in the shower and hose him down.

I have a full load of my own stuff because that's how much my laundry basket holds. I'm not going to put another load on after for him and have no space to dry it.

And vice versa for him.

Household chores we split equally between us, but chores that are our own stuff are done - gasp, shock - by us individually.

Would he think to mention you hadn't done your laundry? I doubt it.

Yanbu, he’s not even pulling his weight doing it for the family. If he can remember his complicate work schedule, he can use whatever tools or software he does to remember that, you’re not his diary.