To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

He forgot.

You assumed he didn't have any that need doing.

I wouldn't have reminded him.

We had a similar system in our house except as the kids got older I got them to do their own. Bought them an airer each and two Ikea bags each.

Fine in the summmer - everyone dries outside. In the winter we dried in our bedrooms.

Buy him his own airer?

He is annoyed you didn't remind him to do his own washing? Laugh him out of the house. He can add a calendar reminder if he wants.

You've agreed to divide that specific household task, and he's messed it up. He urgently needs shirts, so he needs a supply for emergencies. He also needs to figure out a way to remind himself. You certainly shouldn't be blamed.

100% he would, of course 😳

I can't think of a single reason one of us wouldn't simply say, 'Didn't you say you were going to do your washing?'

I can't get over how odd some relationships are when I read this forum.

It takes all sorts I suppose.

She does all the kids' washing, including her step child. Surely if he wanted to work together in a team, he would share doing the children's washing with OP.

He doesn't sound like a team player to me. But I suppose that's OK because he's a man.

@LoopyLooooo there's really nothing odd about assuming a grown adult can wash their own clothes without needing input from someone else.

If my DH started reminding to do my laundry I'd think he was losing his marbles.

the main issue here is not about reminding / not reminding someone about something.

It is about accountability. He does not truly believe his laundry (and by extension any laundry) is his responsibility.

If he truly had internalised the task as his responsibility it wouldn't even occurred to him to blame his wife.

The blaming his wife is the main issue.

But outside this particular issue, laundry, we have absolutely no idea about the split of household chores

She might be a sahm to school aged children, and he works 80 hours a week

He might do the absolute minimum at work and expect her to do everything bar his laundry at home on top of her stressful job.

I don't think that making assumptions helps

I'd send him an electronic calendar invite. You can set up reminders.....and sometimes sounds if you share a family calendar....
A day in advance
An hour before the "appointment" on the day [nice and early seems sensible say 6am on a Saturday]
At the time of the "appointment"

Maybe a second appointment for 5pm on the day.
Recurring, indefinitely.

Passive aggressive who me?

😉

There's really nothing odd about saying 'Oh love, weren't you going to do XYZ?'

Unless you've got a whole bag of chips on your shoulder, or you don't really like your spouse very much.

Couldn’t agree more, it’s like many on here absolutely despise their partners, enjoy setting traps, watching them fail and the rest relish commenting on it. Me and my partner just have each other’s backs, if he throws clothes next to the laundry bin, I pick them up, I hang his towel up that he leaves on the floor or put his glass in the dishwasher and in return he does things for me, don’t think twice about it, we are partners who love each other!

What is an odd thing to do is to blame the other person for not doing that

I wouldn't tidy up after him.

But I'd have no trouble reminding him of something if I thought he'd simply forgotten.

But then as I say, we quite like each other.

In all your posts and words explaining why the OP is bad, your single line about the DH's attitude is not only really short and very tepid, it's also shoved in at the end, "He shouldn't have blamed OP for not reminding him he should have remembered himself". And then you go on to do a version of "But..." when you say it wouldn't hurt to help your DH out.

I'm really really hoping the reason you think this way is because you have a DH who genuinely steps up and does his share so you can't imagine a situation like this. And not because you've just internalised that you have to be responsible for all the the thinking and teamwork.

Yes, I don't agree with that at all.

To be clear, I just think it's odd that some people wouldn't simply mention it, if they'd thought of it at the time and knew the other one had forgotten.

There's really nothing odd about saying 'Oh love, weren't you going to do XYZ?'

No, but it shouldn't be expected either.

I mean, if your DH didn't remind you s out your washing, would you blame him doe the fact that you had no clean clothes like OP's husband has done?

Or would you think "shit, I need to be more organised next week"?

@cookiebee how can you fancy someone who decides to put a towel on the floor instead of a hook/rail. Doing that screams disrespect on all levels.
I'm genuinely interested and want to understand.

I have everything on my phone caldndar maybe make a joke about does he know how to set that up ?

@LoopyLooooo but she didn't know he'd forgotten, she just assumed he didn't have anything to wash. It's not like she deliberately sabotaged him or made him end up with no clean shirts, which is what many on here seem to be implying.

Some of this is giving me flashbacks to the time DH took DS to a sports match. It was always at the same venue, but at different times and I usually was the one to take him. On that occasion, DH and DS were late in leaving (sidetone - I had already made a conscious decision to stop getting stressed about them being late as it wasn't on me, it was on DH). DH then called to shout at me because there was no parking and they were even later as he had to go find parking. And when I told him that I'd never had this problem and perhaps it was because it was a different slot, he was still irritable....

.... luckily, he's a sensible, rational human being and apologised profusely on his return. Because you know what? He knew it was NOT my fault that he was late, hadn't given enough time and now was struggling for parking. For all I know, I've never struggled because I've always been on time or slightly early. I can honestly say it just wasn't even on my radar.

I’m guessing those who think you’re being unreasonable have a fair balance in their home. Split washing in this way usually comes from having an imbalance in the home where one partner is doing an unfair amount more. He is an adult, it’s his responsibility to remember.

We have a similar set up but my partner doesn’t have a set day. It came about when I went back to work full time, paying half of everything yet still doing 95% of the stuff related to our DD, household and garden. I still do and it’s destroying my relationship, however if he will put a wash on without considering our DD’s need for clean clothes and uniform (never mind mine), then I won’t do his

100% it shouldn't be expected and no-one should be blaming anyone for not reminding them.

It's the deliberately not reminding your spouse when you've remembered and know they haven't, that I find odd and a bit spiteful.

It's the blaming your OH for not reminding you to do your own task that I find odd and a bit spiteful.

@LoopyLooooo but it wasn't deliberate - I'm not sure where you're getting that from.

OP just assumed he didn't have any washing to do and carried on with her day, which sounds like a perfectly normal approach to me 🤷‍♀️

Where I'm getting it from is the comments from other posters on the thread, not necessarily from the OP.

Sorry, I should've made that clear.