To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

I had a boyfriend in my younger years. He lived with his mum and sister. I had my own place.
We went on holiday. While we were away a family member of mine was taken seriously ill. So upon return I dropped him off in a taxi and decamped to my parents who were at the hospital most of the time.
I sorted out all of my holiday stuff whilst being there for them with meals etc.
After about 5 days in I was frazzled as I was helping with all sorts and the boyfriend’s mum invites me for dinner. Which I thought was very kind.
When I walked in his holiday suitcase was open and his stuff was all over the hallway.
She remarked…
Oh yes Pete’s stuff needs sorting you can either wash it here or take it home with you? He was out playing golf 😂
I turned around without a word and got in my car and drove off.
Sadly, no more me and Pete.

Oh! The bins he does carry the bins from their bin park to the edge of the drive which takes approx 5-10 minutes.

??? Why is that so ???

This man is a child.

I am not surprised there are some here criticising you. So you carry the mental load for yourself AND the children but are also meant to carry the mental load for him too?

Jesus.

And if you had reminded him you would probably be a “nag”.

1, I didn't even think to look at the poll sorry.
2, I've been merrily thanking people. Does that not show up?

Also it is fascinating they you even felt you had to explain why you don’t do his laundry.

I cannot imagine a man posting and justifying why he does not do his wife’s laundry.

This is INSANE!?

My first holiday home after I left for uni, my mother handed me a list of chores (pre-written down) she wanted me to do while I was home. They were ALL for my brother - pick up his dry cleaning, sort out his books etc.

That didn't go so well for her. Or him. I was only 18 but I wasn't stupid.

They think the once in a blue moon DIY or gardening is equivalent to the daily load women carry!

I have needed to do DIY once in my home in two years and unblock a toilet exactly once in the same time. I do laundry several times a week. How do they think those are equal.

He asked if he could 'have a day allocated' for him to do his washing? And then expected to be reminded to do it?! Absolutely bloody ridiculous. Is he a child? A proper adult would decide when he wanted to do his washing and then just do it.

If they were genuinely a team he would not be blaming his wife for him forgetting.

He sounds like a child.

You shouldn't have to but there's no harm in mentioning it if you happened to notice.

So if you saw that your partner was making a mistake, you wouldn't say?

She didn't though. She does not check if husband has done his washing or not. Husband just asked that she does not do her and DC's washing on Saturdays - if he then decides not to do his washing that day, that's his decision.
That's how mental load works, if you say I'm responible for X then it's quite likely other people will not check the status or progress of that particular task.

Thanks are private, no one sees them except you and the thankee

Ah right. THANK YOU. I ACKNOWLEDGE THE SUPPORT OF THOSE WHO AGREE WITH ME WHO HAVE GIVEN ME THE MENTAL STRENGTH I NEED.

P.s. he's done his washing today

P.s. he's done his washing today

What? He found a solution? And fixed his own mistake? Like an adult? And his dick didn't off!??

It's a Halloween miracle!! faints

@Thfrog the blame game hits too close to home for me. I used to be rather blind to how completely unhinged it is, but here you go, your story reminds me of this situation with my ex:
We were about to go on holiday. whilst in the same climate zone, I did check the weather at the destination as it is known for being much colder than here. We both know the country we travel to well and we both knew that the weather can change drastically. I pack accordingly. At the time of me checking and packing, he is not in our home. He packs the next day whilst I'm at work. We fly out that evening, at arrival he realised he didn't pack anything appropriate for the weather at the destination. As he realised I did indeed pack weather appropriately, he starts being angry at me and blames me for not telling him about the weather forecast. Which I properly would have done if we had packed both at the same time, but obviously that wasn't the case. He kept insisting that his failure to pack for the weather was my fault for not alerting him to the weather conditions. He insisted it was my mistake. Looking back I'm mind-blown what I have put up with for all those years.

Behaviour from both suggest they are not a team

Which part of doing all the household and children’s washing including her stepchild and agreeing a day she’d do no washing so her husband has a clear run at the machine is not being a team? If she did any more she’d take him right out of the picture, which is hardly team work.

Yes, she is the parent and he is a child

Where is she showing she is not part of a team given she is doing the lion share of the domestic labour and emotional labour? How is her taking on even more of that “working like a team”?

@Thfrog 😆I like your style.

Next time he blames you for not reminding him respond with OMG why didn’t you remind me to remind you? I totally forgot!

The OP is not BU. The husband wanted the special day for his washing so it's down to him to remember what he fecking well wanted.

It’s not your job to remind him. It’s not your job to maliciously NOT remind him. And all points in between. Be proactively helpful. Just like you hope people would be to you.

All seems very childish and regimented having allocated washing days. I just put a mixed load in whenever basket starts to fill up. It doesn’t take all day to do it. Can you just buy an extra airer then everyone can do washing when they want

Exactly! I totally agree. What a controlling way to live having allocated washing days. And a waste of resources sorting all into each person’s clothes. Ridiculous. I’d be fuming if I had to live by such rules