I hate being ignored in shops and worry it's due to being a middle aged mum!

[iloveshetlandponies]

Went in JD sports earlier with one of the DCs . We were looking for Uggs for me and converse for DC so I was going to be spending a good £200 or more

Stood there for ages trying to get someone's attention so we could try some on and got completely blanked and ignored by the teenage staff. It wasn't even busy in there, I'd understand it more if it was

Ended up walking out muttering to dd that perhaps we'll try John Lewis instead as you get better service in there . Which made me feel even more middle Aged

Absolutely Fuck middle age and the way it makes us completely irrelevant and invisible . It really makes me feel shit . Left the house today feeling like I looked pretty good as well. But Obvs not

I was just curious was all, about the apple shop statement said with such vehemence

Customer service at Schuh is always brilliant.

I'm not sure what salary teens should expect without any skills nor academic qualifications. They've got to start somewhere, right? It's that attitude that they're too good to be serving people for minimum wage that's a problem. No, they're not too good, they're starting at the bottom. If they want to further themselves they can. I did jobs like that for years and years until my first professional job after my masters degree, I approached each of the minimum wage jobs as a fantastic opportunity, which it was for me then as I wasn't yet qualified for better things. Now I am. I still would rock on a shop floor or waitressing or developing crappy shots at snappy snaps. I gave each of these jobs my best and am doing alright career wise now. No one is too good for their job, that's just arrogant, take it as an opportunity to learn, experience and earn money. Then move onto something better if you keep developing your skills.

Yeah, but they would interact with the staff so probably find out their really nice and good at their job. They wouldn't just stand their in silence trying to make eye contact

I expect being approached by a mamber of staff with an offer of help would be one of the boxes they'd tick. I have a friend who used to do it, I must ask him.
(I got several pairs of shoes reheeled for free when he was checking out Timpsons... but sadly he only did the job for a few months, so no other freebies)

The staff at my local Card Factory shop are pleasant and friendly.

I'm 48 and have never really noticed this. I don't expect to be approached though, I just find someone and ask. Why bother standing there getting all wound up when you can simply use your words.

Because often they just ignore you.

It's not you. Teenage staff everywhere are like it. They believe because they're only getting minimum wage they're not obliged to offer even the slightest hint of polite behaviour to "Karen's" who might need their help.

I walk up to one of the assistants and ask for what I'm looking for
I will even raise my arm if necessary
Haven't got the patience to hang around
I'm hard to miss as I use a rollator too!
I order mostly online now for convenience.

I use to do it each shop has different criteria. I don't think approaching shoppers was ever on it. Maybe in places like lush it perhaps is as that what they do but most shops have realised customers don't like to be pounced on and will wait for the customer to ask if they need help

I think its a bit harsh to say all teenagers. However you have got to remember their 16 and still learning and maybe a bit of understanding to the fact that their still school children who also had a 2 year gap from life due to covid. I don't expect 16 year olds to be very confident and able to use their own initiative and be able to read body language these are skills learnt as we get older but this doesn't make them rude. And maybe if op had actually used her big girl voice they might of been really polite and helpful

I'm probably tempting providence here and will get ignored tomorrow!

I'm over 60 and grey-haired. However, I simply haven't experienced middle aged invisibility - as a number of others have said. I think it is all about your expectation and how you present yourself to people. Most of the time I have a friendly experience with those serving in shops. If I don't get attention when I need it on the shop floor I'll go and find someone. If they look hassled and busy I'll just say 'when you get a minute'. I don't think anything is achieved by standing round like Piffy on a rock bun waiting to be noticed and then stropping off with hurt feelings when they don't. It's just inconveniencing yourself.

Very occasionally I will be a bit more assertive particularly in stores where there aren't enough people on the checkout (TKMaxx is terrible) and I'll nicely say 'could you please call for someone else to serve as the queue is getting very long'. But I will also say something like thank you for doing that, it's terrible that you were left here on your own dealing with all these people.

If occasionally someone is a bit offhand or surly I just think it's their problem not mine - they may be having a really bad day. I get more annoyed with really stupid systems or processes that the poor staff have to deal with and get stick for.

In my experience as an ageing woman I think you often get a more positive response from people as you are perceived as less threatening (if only they knew!).

This is why I didn't even want to go up to anyone

It's the bloody Karen thing

@WindowtoyourSoul

I'm so sorry for the loss of your ddad ..

And so glad that the lady was lovely to you ..must have made a difficult experience a little more bearable xx

@Allfur

2 reasons

It's because our Apple shop in our city is absolutely teeming with people.
RAMMED. And they're all just like, stood around. I don't know WTF they are doing. Even dd noticed yesterday when we walked past and said it was "sad"

And it pissed me off a few years ago when my iPhone broke and I went in to see if they could help and I was told to make an appointment. And no I could not make one there and then. I had to make one online. Except I could not go on bastard line cos my pissing iPhone was broken

So since then I won't go in there

This is very true

I have to say when I've been in Schuh I don't get the same attitude and they are always very helpful and genuine

Funny enough I did go into Schuh first actually but they did not have the colour Uggs I wanted

I also prefer Schuh as it doesn't blast awful chavvy music like JD does. That shit just adds to the experience of feeling like a fish out of water

Again this makes me sound ancient

Y didn’t yr children speak up?

You do realise this is a you problem right

I just walk up to them and say "hi, I need some advice/ help please".
62. Don't let them ignore me ahaha!

Indeed. It’s nothing to do with OP’s age,
it to do with her assertiveness. But she repeatedly refuses to acknowledge and instead wants to put the blame on others.

💯👏👏👏👏

Yes this and this you also said "This. Like you turn 40 and just like that invisibility cloak. Found this quite a silly post"

I feel more visible than ever whereas in my youth I was more ignored, not spoken to much by other adults, didn't have the confidence I have now. And it's the same for my mum and her friends etc. They feel more a part of the community and world than they ever have, when I'm out and about it's always the 35+ who are chatting to strangers, younger adults and teens slink around quietly until they meet others their age. I feel more noticed than ever and my friends say the same.

@Disturbia81

That's really positive

@iloveshetlandponies , try to work on your presence. I'm smallish, 50+ and have a quiet voice. Tend to wear dark and plain clothes, definitely not glamorous. I'm practically invisible.
Some of it is me, but some of it is staff being crap.

I think it's often because I don't seem the type to kick off, so they'll see to others before me. It's not just youngsters who do the ignoring.

If I walk and talk more assertively, I get seen.

Thanks, you shouldn't doubt yourself in future, you're a kickass woman!