Fundamentally, we're not posting as an intellectual exercise, or to be provocative, or as distraction. The vast majority of us certainly aren’t posting because we're in some way "transphobic" or motivated by “removing” another group’s rights. In fact, it can be distressing to see our concerns misrepresented in this way, because it indicates, perhaps more than anything else, the extent of the misunderstanding we need to overcome (or, more cynically, the ruthlessness of our opponents). The truth is, quite simply, that this is about us. This movement is hurting us – really hurting us. I'd say it's changed my life and I don't think that would be an exaggeration. (I know my life could be changed in an infinity of worse ways than this, but...)
To see such wholesale dismissal of who and what I am, and of my needs – and to live through the organised destruction of the language I need to be able to express this – has been frankly, fucking terrifying. I nearly put “women” instead of “my” there, as I wanted to refer to adult human females as a collective, whatever their political views – but I’ve been told that would be morally wrong. In fact, many people see the three words I just used instead of it as evidence of bigotry. Do you see how that perspective could be frightening to me?
51% of human beings are are uniquely vulnerable because of their physical bodies. These vulnerabilities alone mean that every minute, every hour, every day, innumerable members of this demographic die, or fall ill, or are injured, or abused. Millions are enslaved, because of their bodies. Hundreds of millions are living in fear, because of their relative physical weakness. Millions upon millions will suffer in ways the other half of the population will never have to contemplate, due to their capacity for childbirth, or the presumption of this. This 51% of humanity used to have a name of its own – but this word has now been repurposed. Individuals who attempt to name this demographic, in this or other ways – to advocate for its unique needs – are increasingly condemned as unspeakably vile.
Scroll through these threads to see the litany of harms that this removal of our language is causing, facilitating or compounding. Rape. Abuse. Trauma. Compromised health. Ruined careers. Anxiety, in spaces where we didn’t used to feel anxious. Fear, of voicing what we think and believe, or even who we believe we are. And undocumented self-exclusion, from everything from rape support to swimming pools. Decade-old measures to protect us from male violence – infinitely precious social contracts, statistically proven to work – are being deliberately dismantled, without the knowledge of many. We are being put at increased physical risk.
Yet despite that, women’s concerns about our language are dismissed as invalid, hysterical or bigotted – unworthy of respect or meaningful engagement. TERFs. Dinosaurs. Cunts (do you see the irony?!) Even as the "opposing sides'" parallel expressions of fear and distress about language are recognised (even, in fact, as women listen and reflect on these, and seek a middle ground), women’s own entirely equivalent feelings are met with abuse and threats. Can you see the inconsistency, the double standards, the hypocrisy? There’s nothing that can rationalise or justify the sheer extent of it. The only way to understand it is to realise how little this 51%, the group previously permitted the word “women”, is actually valued and heard and respected.
After all those years of thinking I was seen as equal in most ways, to realise this has been utterly shattering.Before this movement, I thought we were getting there. I found it genuinely uplifting to see how much progress had been made in such a short time. Now, I think I had it the wrong way round, and the recentness of our hard-won rights, instead, makes me feel vulnerable. Think about it. About 100 years ago, women had no vote. That’s within almost-living memory. About 30 years ago, women were legally subjected to marital rape. That's me-as-property, within our lifetime.
Right now, women in Afghanistan are effectively imprisoned in their own homes because of their sex. (To suggest that this is due to their gender identity would be to deny the source of their oppression; it would be to imply that some women are exempt from it, and that others are “identifying” into it. It would be an appalling imposition of western language and values on people who may not even have heard of these concepts. It would be, in short, exactly what Amnesty International did in a recent publication. Because they no longer had the language necessary to state the truth).
Do you really think, given all this, that we can afford to lose the word “women”? That we should be pressured (not asked) to give it up?
“But not all women agree with you,” you say (or would, if you had the words). Well, of course not – when in the history of humanity has everyone agreed on anything?! If you think about it, back when the suffragettes were fighting for the vote, many women favoured the status quo and many weren’t bothered either way. It “didn’t impact us” directly, after all – not in a measurable, individualised, daily way. But there was a distressing bigger picture, wasn’t there? Whenever I hear the question often levelled at GC feminists – “But how does it affect you?” – it reminds me of that. Once again, 100 years since our enfranchisement, we’re back to, “You don’t need a distinct political voice of your own as women. Your identity is to be subsumed into men’s – men will determine who you are and what you need. Be quiet, don’t argue.”
Those of us who see it are appalled. Those of us who don’t are entitled to their views, too, but I truly believe that some of those (not all – and who am I to say how many, or who?) just can’t bear to see it. I know from my own experience that the realisation is intensely distressing to live with, and it’s far easier to live in ignorance of it.
I do now believe that sexism is the most insidious, inescapable prejudice of all. I know that’s problematic to say in many ways – in fact, I think that the injunction against saying so only goes to prove it: feminism isn’t fashionable for a reason. Still, while I apologise for any offence caused, I invite you to consider the following…
The N word on white lips is unthinkable – thank God. Spastic? So few people would say it now, and rightly. Wrong pronouns? The common consensus is that it's about basic respect and actively prevents harm...
Now compare all that to porn.
The physical degradation of women, for men’s viewing pleasure, in a flourishing industry exploiting hundreds of thousands. Where’s the parallel social consensus there? Well, there is some: it’s fine (or, perhaps, problematic, but fundamentally unavoidable); sex work is work, after all (and it’s not just about women, you bigot). Rape Reddits? Unpleasant, but what some lads want (and no one’s actually being hurt in chats). And we can’t police the internet or restrict freedom of speech and association, can we?
Just take a moment to think about the sheer irony of these defences in the light of the current attacks on women’s words and spaces. Just think about the chasm between society’s attitudes to porn – actual, physical abuse in an industry of suffering thousands – and its attitude to the N-word.
Even then you may find yourself twisting and resisting and excusing and rationalising, because patriarchal values are the air we breathe. What courage it takes to accept that our air is poisonous – to live with that knowledge and to try to spread the unwanted warning. Kill the messenger, right?
So thanks, in a sense, to this ideology and its embrace across the West. It’s helped me to wake up when nothing else did. It’s changed how I see this world, and how I experience it.
And if your instinct is still to dismiss my thoughts as extreme, please try – honestly, just try – to compare that instinct to your empathy for similar claims to distress made by TRAs, and ask yourself: what's the difference?
And is that difference objectively enough to be so very certain that I’m right?