To ask for your tips in not becoming bitter?

[pomegranaterouge]

Namechanged.

Anyone else seem to have a disproportionately unfair amount of 'bad shit' happen to them compared to their friends? I try to keep perspective - I frequently remind myself that I'm not living in a war zone, my children are alive, I'm not crossing the channel on a small boat, I don't have terminal cancer...

HOWEVER, it feels like I've had (and continue to have) a far, far more challenging and stressful life than pretty much everyone I know! Think - early and sudden death of parent, severe mental illness of sibling, wider family estrangement, one of my dc has a serious medical condition etc etc. Among all this there's been some less serious, but still highly stressful 'challenges' around money, career, DH's family, my own health and more.

Among my (admittedly privileged) group of lovely friends, I've had the roughest time by a long, long way. Yet ANOTHER very stressful thing happened to me earlier this week (I won't go into details as it's all quite raw and traumatic still) and I feel like shaking my fist at the sky.

I adore my friends who are very supportive, but sometimes I feel like I want to curl up in a ball and hide away, rather than be this person who they inevitably have sympathy for again and again and again.

I also feel jealous about the relative ease of their lives compared to mine - and worry I am becoming bitter and exhausted. I don't want to be. Can anyone relate, and can anyone help?

Wheel of life- everyone experiences highs and lows.

Try a form of meditation called metta, and maybe a gratitude journal?

Your friends probably have very similar happening to them but they don't tell you about it.

How’ve you worked that one out?

Yes this. Some ppl keep stuff close to their chest and they can appear to be soaking through life, but the things they’ve been through, maybe decades ago can still be too painful to talk about. Warwick Davies has been through some serious shit in his life - maybe read his autobiography. Before he lost his wife, he and she decided to CHOOSE to be happy, despite going through some devastating losses together. He is a man who has every right to be bitter, but he chose not to be and to focus on the positives of his life instead. It certainly puts things in perspective.

Unlikely - from the OP: early and sudden death of parent, severe mental illness of sibling, wider family estrangement, one of my dc has a serious medical condition

The OP has experienced more than most.

Bloody hell these replies are not helpful.

Op, I’m in exactly the same boat. I do feel very bitter about it. It’s hard and I don’t know what to suggest apart from trying to identify things that make you happy/will improve your life and trying to focus on those and keep moving forward even if you don’t feel like it.

If their lived were shittier , would your be any better? Would it help in any way? Would it benefit you in any way?

I suppose you might feel less alone in your struggles ( but you can find other people that can relate) , but odds are they'd also be less supportive and have less bandwidth for your struggles as they'd have their own shit to deal with. You'd also have to use the little you have to support them in return.

It's normal (and sometimes even healthy) to ask WHY ME? It's toxic and unhealthy to ask WHY NOT THEM?

We all have our worries - we just cope with them differently.

You're talking about regular stresses, which everyone has.

The op is talking about irregular stresses: early and sudden death of parent, severe mental illness of sibling, wider family estrangement, one of my dc has a serious medical condition - most people don't have all of these, notby a long shot.

Family estrangement and a child with a serious medical condition are not commonplace.

Is that like we all have 24 hours in a day?🙄

Sometimes feel like this ..but people do get their turn in bad fortune. How everyone experiences their trauma/ups and downs is individual to them…it seems that some people really struggle with relatively minor challenges and others have huge life events to manage.

I lost both parents who were young (early 40’s and late 60’s) but often find myself empathise with friends who are anxious about their parents who have lived long, healthy lives and are now in their 90’s!! How would they have coped in my shoes?

@Pinkissmart - yes, I'm aware everyone experiences challenges in their lives, and I went to some length to say I'm highly aware that there are many people in this world who 'have it far worse' than me.

The point is, among my circle, it's me. To those saying I simply wouldn't know about it - um, NO?!! Of course I would know if a close friend's family member had died very suddenly or they had a child in hospital with a serious medical condition, or if one of their siblings had to sectioned...unfortunately, so far, out of my close friends, that's all been me, not them.

I have supported my friends immensely through their life challenges - which of course they have had, but not to the extent of mine. That's what I'm asking for advice about...

How does early death of a parent get more common with age

You have two parents. If they don't die early, they don't die early.

We don’t have the same worries though, do we?

Someone can go through severe trauma, more than once. Childhood abuse, rape, traumatic bereavement…some things are a little bit more than a “worry”.

Oh, so nothing like the OP then?

Your responses to the OP are very weird.

@bergamotorange - thanks for understanding. Some really strange posts on here!

Statistically they don't. Estrangements are more common than discussed but most people are not estranged from their wider family.