To laugh at the request to be godparents

[Woollypullover]

My friend's daughter, who we've been very close to throughout her life, has asked me and DH to be her baby's godparents.

We're both atheists and of course, therefore, didn't have our own DC christened.

She knows all of this, but still asked.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous request?

You sound really quite unpleasant OP.

And if she stumbles across this public thread, she’ll probably fuck you off out of her life anyway.

Are you wealthy by any chance?

my oh cousin has so many god children she has to start shopping for Christmas in September

if you don’t believe in it, decline. Your belief is as valid as anyone’s

It's a compliment

It’s a title now says not really a religious thing. But your attitude about it is awful. I’m an atheist but wouldn’t react like you.

Just politely decline but don’t snigger.

Wow. This is really, really horrible. If I made such a big gesture as to ask someone to be godparent to my child and they considered it laughable and refused, I would be so hurt that I think it would ruin our relationship altogether. No need to be so cruel to someone. If you treat people you care about like this, I’d hate to see how you treat people you dislike!

Frankly, you sound quite insecure about your atheism. Most of my friends are atheists, as am I, and none of us would react like you and make such a big thing about it. It’s weird. Being a godparent is basically a secular thing now. I’m one and it’s never caused me any problems or angst - or any desire to try to show I’m superior because I’m an atheist…

You mention you don’t want a title with ‘god’ in it then go on about malevolent deities. Presumably you also never say “Goodbye” to people because - shock, horror - you’d be wishing that god be with them (the origin of the word)?

Before you scramble over yourself to say that nobody thinks of the original God Be With You when they say Goodbye, it’s exactly the same with Godparent! Nobody takes it literally except a few religious people. They all see it as a secular title, just like Goodbye is a secular farewell.

Just politely decline and say why.
Many people get their children christened for school applications to secondary or certain primary schools. Some schools have it you qualify for transport if your christened!

How can God be malevolent if you don’t believe he exists?

I never wanted to be a mother, but I really wanted to be a godmother. Not especially religious, but was christened and confirmed and married in church.
I have 2 godchildren. Cannot say that I contributed to their spiritual upbringing at all, BUT my sister-in-law explained the "relationship" well to my godson, by saying that I was a "special" aunt. I am also a blood aunt to both godchildren.
The point is, in this day and age, that you take more of an interest in the daily lives of these children.
However, up to you, if that is not your thing.

You're one of those atheists 🙄
Just politely decline instead of trying to make it a big thing.
I'm an atheist but the majority of my friends and family are religious, everyone believes in something. You don't need to laugh or mock them to make yourself feel better.

Honestly, I don’t understand why people get so her up about something they apparently don’t believe in.

They aren’t asking you to go to church and get baptised, they are just asking you to take part in, what is for them, a purely symbolic act to show that their child has people in its corner.

I can’t believe the sheer number of responses saying it’s ’not a religious thing’ 😵 Baptism is a sacrament in most Christian denominations and as such the vows are very holy and solemn. YANBU op! You are right to turn this down if you can’t in all conscience make those vows with integrity.

The fact that vicars don’t choose to police the brazen randoms some of the posters here that have admitted were atheist or didn’t give a shit, is neither here nor there. If you’re not making those vows earnestly, then you’re just making a mockery of the whole thing and the church.

Right?

Reading your posts, it's obvious the baby's parents have made a bad mistake to ask you. Tell them 'no thank you'. You're not really there for them when you can sneer at them for marrying in a church etc.

I think it's possible, if you feel close to your friend's daughter, to commit to being a guide parent, whether formally in a naming ceremony or otherwise. You could explain that you think it would be hypocritical to go along with being godparents but sincerely would like to be there for her and her baby.

@Woollypullover
You are coming across as patronising and supercilious.

I am an atheist and a godmother. It meant a lot to one of my best friends, she is religious, she knows I am not. She asked me to be a godmother as she thinks I have lovely qualities she would like her DC to have e.g. being kind, working hard, taking part etc.

This is not about 'you'. It's actually about your friend and who she values in her life and would like to be part of her DC's life and she is doing it via this 'symbolism' - which means something to her. Why can't you do this for your friend?

I pretended to be Catholic (or more accurately didn't volunteer that I wasn't to the priest - the parents were obvi well aware) to be a Godparent - twice! Didn't notice any smiting.

I see it as an honour to be asked formally and to give a promise formally to be there to guide the child in whatever way they need help with, throughout their life.

I also don't think that weddings in churches are really in front of a deity, but it's a nice environment for a formal commitment ceremony to each other.

Scoff all you like in private, but I hope you have the good grace to be polite to the parents about it. Take it as a nice thing they are trying to do to acknowledge the importance of you to their kid. You don't have to accept it, as you obviously feel that it wouldn't be right to, just don't be a dick about it.

decline politely if you don't want to do it but laughing is plain rude.

I’m not religious, don’t ascribe to any faith and I’m a godmother to three lovely children. I was really touched to be asked (even if I had to hold in giggles each time when asked if I would help keep the kids safe from the Devil’s influence 😂). None of the kids’ parents are religious either. It helped open up schooling options and was just a nice thing to do. I’d happily play a role at a bar mitzvah or henna party too.

You sound like a bit of a jerk from your posts, OP. Really hope you didn’t laugh at the offers.

If someone has made such a touching request, I certainly would not laugh. Some people choose to have a christening and have godparents even if they are not religious, because they value the tradition. Clearly you’re not being expected to offer any kind of religious guidance, this request is just a coded way of saying the parents value your input and would like you to be a special person in their child’s life. I would simply decipher the code and agree graciously.

I would be really uncomfortable making promises about religious faith when I don't believe in it.

If the religious aspect is just a code and basically meaningless these days, just do a secular naming ceremony.

I'm an atheist and I'm a godparent, I don't think it's weird. It's no different to people who go to a church to get married when they aren't religious.

Well I agree with you that it's a religious ceremony.

Not sure what you'd make of me. I made the vows to guide and care for the child in all solemnity. Including guidance with regards to their spirituality. I probably did mouth words about guiding them in religion, which isn't my role to them, but as far as I'm concerned my agreement for my role with the child was more with the parents than with the vicar, and any god watching would have known and respected that. There are other godparents for these children who are more religious than I, they can take that role - meanwhile I'm somebody the kids come to if they've need to talk to an adult but they don't want to raise it with their parents (I'm also trained in safeguarding for my day job so I wouldn't promise to or keep a secret that other adults needed to know about etc etc). I'm an adult that they can let their hair down a bit with and have fun with in a different way than with their parents. I encourage them to develop different qualities that aren't their parents' strengths. I consider all this to be part of my commitment to the child and their parents in my role as godmother, and I'd hope that a loving God would forgive me for directing them to other godparents if they wanted to guidance about Christianity specifically.

She said he is a malevolent character. You know, like Voldemort or Darth Vader.

Well that's the whole thing, you don't care if you make a mockery of something you don't believe in anyway.