To laugh at the request to be godparents

[Woollypullover]

My friend's daughter, who we've been very close to throughout her life, has asked me and DH to be her baby's godparents.

We're both atheists and of course, therefore, didn't have our own DC christened.

She knows all of this, but still asked.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous request?

Yeah. I'm not at all religious. But in my experience it's the staunch atheists that feel the need to evangelise about it constantly and feel they tell everyone they meet about it whether they want to hear it or not. The OP is a classic example of this.

It's also rude and disrespectful to suggest only uneducated people should have faith. It's worth remembering that many scientists are and have been Catholic (or other faiths of course) It is entirely reasonable to be both educated and accepting that we don't know all the answers that form our existence. In fact, a good and educated scientist knows that until something is wholly proven to not exist it cannot be entirely dismissed. At this stage in life, we do not have the resolute proof to state atheism as fact. That's not to say we can resolutely state faith as fact either, just that as we do not know 100% either way it would be reasonable to say we don't yet know. Personally I'd find it mind boggling that genuinely educated people would say otherwise

Unless things have changed, then usually to be Godparents, there is a Baptism, in a church and the ceremony is religious. If you're not religious, then I would have thought it would go against your own standing, to make religious pledges in church. I couldn't be a Godparent, for that very reason, I am not religious, didn't marry in church and my own son hasn't been baptised - I'd be a hypocrite to go along with such a ceremony. I would politely decline, stating that I couldn't make religious pledges, but by all means I am willing to be an active part in the child's life, and am grateful they think enough of me as a person to ask.

How can you be a godparent if you are not religious yourself? I know in Ireland at least you have to be catholic and have been through all three sacraments before you can become a godparent. My atheist brood have been spared ever being asked for that reason.

What a snobbish post.

Should we be more convinced by Jesus if he was an accountant instead of a carpenter?

Same - we do live in NI though so maybe more people are religious?

Sorry wrote a reply then realised you might Ireland and not NI x

Just say no thank you and explain your reasons

Different country different rules I guess but I thought it was a catholic church thing everywhere so that is interesting. Definitely is in Ireland.

I am also an atheist and have politely declined being a god parent several time. I do find it quite strange to ask me when everyone knows I am not religious in the slightest.

Lots of titles can be picked apart if you really think about them. Especially honorary or ceremonial ones.

I am not religious but when my friend died, leaving behind a small child, that is when my godmother role really meant something more. I would have taken the child in, had he had no other close relatives, and I stood in for many things his mother would have done for him. I took the role seriously and my friend would have done it for me.
I hovered and asked questions to do with his best interests his whole life up to adulthood, it wasn’t always easy, I had to fight for him, as though he was my own child and I do have my own children.

You sound extremely unpleasant and judgemental, pleased you won’t accept, as the parents will be in the future.

My post was in response to this:

"At the same time, I do find it mind boggling that educated people can still believe in god and religion."

by @Pumpkins89

It has nothing to do with being snobbish.

Not an unreasonable request, but definitely an unreasonable response by you, OP.

Don’t laugh about it, OP, it’s a big compliment as it shows how much they value your friendship. The word “parent” in godparent means that they consider you second parents to their child. My children’s godparents are people whom we’d trust to look after them if anything happened to us.

But yes, explain that you’re not comfortable with the spiritual element and decline.

Then she says no to her friend respectfully and privately, rather than starting a thread apparently for the main purpose of laughing about a widely held belief in God and the role of a godparent generally.

I have not christened my own children but felt honoured that my friend, who is Greek Orthodox, asked me to be a godparent for her first child. I looked into what the role meant spiritually and politely declined. Does not mean it was not an honour to be asked though - and I still felt happy to attend the christening.

I don't know why you'd laugh. Just say you don't think it's appropriate given you are atheist.

I get that- no problem to respectfully decline - that's acknowledging a belief without accepting the belief for yourself. Laughing and mocking that belief, and failing to recognise that it's an honour to be asked to be a godparent is what is incredibly insensitive. Since when did politeness go out of fashion?

You don’t actually have to be religious to be godparents You do, unless you are a hypocrite and a liar.

I would tell her that you are not able to take part in a religious christening service because you are an atheist. I think that's more respectful to Christianity than pretending to make oaths you don't believe in.

Why don't the parents have a Humanist-led Naming Ceremony?

I have said no to being a god parent before. I won’t stand there and make meaningless promises to people. You shouldn’t start a relationship like that on a lie.

Well, don't do it then. No need to be snitty about it.

People do it for the party and presents, I think. Ridiculous. Call it something else and just have the party and presents but don't dress it up as a religious ceremony if you're not a believer.

I feel the same about weddings in church if both of the couple are not religious or don't attend church. It then becomes just another marriage venue, and there are plenty of those now.

She needs to ask someone from her own generation, who is less likely to have died before her child has grown up. For instance I really appreciated my relationship with my godmother as an adult - my mother died when I was 22 and it was lovely to be able to talk to someone who was her friend before she was married.