To make DS go to uni open day even though he came in at 4am?

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I’m raging right now and need some more clear headed opinions. Me and DH are due to take DS to uni open day today. It’s a 3 hour drive each way and we should leave at 8:30.
DS went out last night and had been told by DH to not be late as DH wasn’t going to drive to uni city and back if DS was going to be a hungover zombie. Woke up at 3:30am and DS wasn’t home. DH rang him and after a bit of an argument, DS got a taxi home arriving back at 4am.
DH says we now shouldn’t go as this is what he said would be the consequence and ground DS.There is another open day in November. I’m not sure if we should still make DS go and honour the commitment.
We are working hard saving for uni and I picked up extra shifts last weekend so this is my first day off in 13 days. DS knows this and I think my tiredness and feeling of him taking the piss could be clouding my judgement.
Any advice? TIA

I never said the parents had the "right to choose", though.

I said that it's unrealistic to expect parents to just fork over thousands of pounds for their kids to study a course/attend a university that they know absolutely nothing about and have absolutely no say in.

I see it might be unpopular on here, but I actually think if parents are going to be financing their DC's degree, they should have some kind of input in it.

You need to take a step back and let him drive the process, not you!

I think we also need to remember that due to Covid, a lot of this generation are ‘behind’ in terms of independence and social skills. They will catch up but might need a bit more support than in other times.

Looks like it all turned out OK in the end.
I did smile though, when I was 17/18 I regularly got in at 3am and was up for work at 8am. Oh to be young again! Now if I got in at 3am I'd be feeling it for days, even if I hadnt been drinking!

Hi op,

Pressure can make anyone of this age go out of the road. Being coffee!!!

Being him there and let him learn that hangover doesn’t equal not doing what is needed the day after.

Maybe he would need a year out? Before Uni? He can start a year later once accepted.

Good luck 🌺

You make it sound like he's the first ever teenager of Uni age to crawl home at stupid o clock. Did you both never do this, OP? I remember crawling back to my dorm room at 5am and needing to be up at 7am...sometimes still slightly drunk with my uni mates. Thankfully my uni lecturer was (hot as hell Irish guy) - Really relaxed. Is he failing in school? I doubt it if he's gotten into Uni. Open days aren't really compulsory or important to attend? If it's compulsory, then you're doing your typical teenager a disfavour. Take him and both of you stop being so harsh.

He got drunk and came home late. He's exercising his last days of freedom, enjoying having gotten into Uni etc. What about the friends he was out with? Are they in Uni? What are their parents doing?

Just let it go and take him.

I'm late to the party here but just wanted to say we did the University open days literally up and down the country with my son very non committal and us not wanting to push something that we weren't sure he wanted. It's important to look at the options, how can they decide otherwise? He did end up in a degree apprenticeship in the end and is 3 weeks in now and loving it. All the work put in at this stage helps them weigh up the options and make an informed decision and I feel its time well spent in the end. I had friends that didn't really explore the options at this stage and it's back fired massively

When I was in your situation with a drunken teenager and an open day, I thought like you he should bear the consequences of his adolescent decisions.
Now with the benefit of hindsight, I would let it go. If he wants to go enough, he'll get himself there or ask for your help. Or he'll do something else altogether.
I think the advice earlier to just have a lovely day with DH is a great one. And if there's any unintended pressure on your boy to follow a particular route, the pressure's off for him too.

Loud music in car, garlicy food lol

Eh? This is for an open day, the kid hasn’t got a university place yet, but is supposed to be looking round one with his folks, but instead decided to go out with his mates.

I went to my cousins christening in the clothes I wore the night before as I got in about an hour before we were all due to leave. Anything is possible when you are that young.

He can go in November & go on his own. No need to take him. He can get a train or coach

Fantastic outcome.