To make DS go to uni open day even though he came in at 4am?

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I’m raging right now and need some more clear headed opinions. Me and DH are due to take DS to uni open day today. It’s a 3 hour drive each way and we should leave at 8:30.
DS went out last night and had been told by DH to not be late as DH wasn’t going to drive to uni city and back if DS was going to be a hungover zombie. Woke up at 3:30am and DS wasn’t home. DH rang him and after a bit of an argument, DS got a taxi home arriving back at 4am.
DH says we now shouldn’t go as this is what he said would be the consequence and ground DS.There is another open day in November. I’m not sure if we should still make DS go and honour the commitment.
We are working hard saving for uni and I picked up extra shifts last weekend so this is my first day off in 13 days. DS knows this and I think my tiredness and feeling of him taking the piss could be clouding my judgement.
Any advice? TIA

Give me more information about how you can see what you're getting for your money - do you mean if you don't like the look of what you see (but your child does) you'd tell them they can't go? What would you see on an open day that would cause you to refuse to support your child going?

Public transport is expensive. Hotels are also expensive (and many won’t allow a booking for an under 18 yr old). Having to shell out easily £200 plus to get to an open day and stay overnight is not possible for many young people; a long road trip with mum or dad is more affordable.

Who’s paying that? Not the parents.

Most people don’t have cars where I live, so it’d be even more expensive if parents tag along too.

At that age I could get home at 4am and do a full days work. He will be fine.

Great outcome. At that age I could stagger in at 5am and still do a full day of work starting at 8:30 after a bacon bap. Take me days to recover nowdays mind!

No don’t be silly, no one is suggesting they ‘can’t go’. But having an extra pair of eyes and ears is useful when paying for tuition fees. Of course MN thinks once your child turns 18 they are a fully fledged adult and should make all big decisions by themselves 😂

Plus I quite liked going to open days with my dd. She chose which unis she wanted to see and took the lead on the plan for the day, I was there for company mainly (and driving!).

I think parents paying so much towards it is part of the problem, some of them seem to think it gives them the right to interfer in their dcs choice

Also kids are used to being driven around now, its not surprising some choice to take parents along rather than spend the time getting trains

maybe it would be better to make a decision about whether he wants to go to university when he is mature enough to decide, rather than be railroaded itno it by pushy parents.

But isn't it also unrealistic to expect parents to just drop thousands of pounds on something they have absolutely no control (or say) over?

So many assumptions being made on so little information..

Ah glad to hear this - I wondered what the outcome would be!

Your DS sounds like a mature lad.

Well done DS 👏 👍

@BumpyaDaisyevna I agree, he sounds like a good kid and OP isn't used to this sort of thing from him.

Don't over react to what happened, it really wasn't that bad.

Never said there were unis not accessible by public transport though. I said they were not all in cities, and were not all a reasonable journey to undertake via public transport in a single day (which OBVIOUSLY depends on where you’re travelling from)

Indeed they do! My 18 year old DD got home from a night out at 3.30am - she was up by 10am and is currently playing with her toddler sister 😯 Very envious! I'd be rocking in a corner trying not to vomit if I'd rolled in at that time 🤣

This was my first thought.
It is his future and he should be the one taking responsibility for it. It sounds as he isn't really bothered.
There comes a time when young people need to take responsibility for their own actions.

I wrote my response before I saw your update.
I hope you all enjoy the open day.

I agree with all you posted. Would have put much the same

Cannot comment re Uni as I never went

My highest qualification is O Level History anyway so I wouldn't have got in to a Uni with that (1981 I ended school).
I did go to college though for a Year and it did work out as I always got jobs (I done an Office/Secretarial course) until I left work to have my first born that is.
Then (and now) when I seek work in admin many say Graduates Welcome .. That's Me at 60 practically worthless.

However, I am glad I did go to college because I was employed all the way up till I left my last job. Good jobs I had too . :(

I was made to feel like I had to go uni and have regretted it so I don’t feel like we have put pressure on him to do so

Hmmm, your whole post felt rather pressurised to be honest. I would just leave him to it. My DC has just finished a degree at a university he didn’t go to an open day for at all because of Covid. All was well!

Hard agree. Why do the parents need to be there? I went to all of mine in my own and made my mind up! Too much mollycoddling these days.

And this? You're working overtime and saving when going to uni is a back up option for him as he wants to do an apprenticeship?

This sounds all wayyy too much. Step back.

That's just the way ot is, if your child wants to go to uni and you also want them to go then suck it up. I don't think it gives you the right to choose what they do and where they go

How did you get there @DniHnly ? If you can afford expensive train fares you’re very lucky.

FFS, it’s not about ‘choosing’. Of course the choice of uni and course are the student’s decision. But in making that decision it’s helpful to have some input from a parent who might see things they haven’t considered.