To make DS go to uni open day even though he came in at 4am?

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I’m raging right now and need some more clear headed opinions. Me and DH are due to take DS to uni open day today. It’s a 3 hour drive each way and we should leave at 8:30.
DS went out last night and had been told by DH to not be late as DH wasn’t going to drive to uni city and back if DS was going to be a hungover zombie. Woke up at 3:30am and DS wasn’t home. DH rang him and after a bit of an argument, DS got a taxi home arriving back at 4am.
DH says we now shouldn’t go as this is what he said would be the consequence and ground DS.There is another open day in November. I’m not sure if we should still make DS go and honour the commitment.
We are working hard saving for uni and I picked up extra shifts last weekend so this is my first day off in 13 days. DS knows this and I think my tiredness and feeling of him taking the piss could be clouding my judgement.
Any advice? TIA

I went to university 30 years ago. There was probably a mix.

My son went on his own 6 years ago and was co-opted into another prospective student's family by her dad and spent the day with them 😁

It’s just an open day - there are others. They’re not even that significant. We aren’t doing any more as my DD finds the whole thought of them stressful at the moment - we’ll chose the courses according to course content and reputation and then go to the much more targeted Offer Days when the staff will have an idea who she is, she can have a proper conversation about her needs and then she’ll choose the two she will accept then.

We went to a couple last year and it’s all marketting guff and a zillion kids and parents wandering into presentations late and asking stupid questions about stuff that is clearly stated on the uni webpages.

This should not be about punishment - she’s been out too late, she’ll miss out. Either reschedule or leave it. It’s his uni experience, her uni application not yours. If she regrets missing it in due course that’s a lesson she’ll have to learn. She’s nearly 18, and next year you won’t be there to ‘punish’ her anyway.

Exactly. Sounds like no one wants to go

If he wants to go, take him. If not, don't.

I don't think punishment is necessary at his age. But then i never ran DC to uni open days - public transport was always the way for us.

Did he get up? I think I'd leave him being and enjoy my day.

This. Presumably he would have been even later if your husband hadn't called him. If he was excited at the prospect he would have behaved differently. As with all things in life "If he wanted to ,he would"

Having read your updates he sounds like a great kid and really switched on, I'd cut him some slack and remember when I'd do stuff like that which is all part of growing up.

Relationships have to change as they grow up, not letting him go to the football if you don't go today seems silly. Treat him like you'd want to be treated if you'd had a fun night last night.

My DD didn’t go to any open days at all.

I agree, let it go, let him go to the footie & enjoy your day off with your DH after a tough fortnight. No point in souring the experience - there will be other open days & offer-holder days.

What’s thrown you exactly? A 17/18 year old partying at weekend? And now he’s grounded? Assuming you’ve not had to pay up front for anything today what’s the issue? Just have a laugh about it and go in November.

I have a just turned 18 year old who will be going to uni next year. We've already been to a couple of open days. If she did this, no way I'd be getting her up and making her go, what's the point? She won't take any of it in and there's also a risk of vomiting in the car if it's 3 hours, no thanks! I'd just go to the November one instead. As others have said, he needs to be motivated himself to go and also awake enough to absorb it all.

When I said we would ground him, I suppose what I mean is that he won’t be allowed to go to watch his local football team this afternoon.
Not allowed? MN never cease to amaze me, parents treating young adult DC like 5 yr olds.

God yeah you can't ground an 18 year old OP 😂 I'm just imagining the response I'd get from mine if I told her she was grounded 😂

Can’t believe how superior certain posters are being about never accompanying their DC to a university open day!

• some are really far away and no friends thinking of going
• public transport not always an option
• lots of teenagers don’t yet drive
• might involve an overnight stay which is tricky if under 18
• maybe they want to take an interest in where their child might spend at least 3 years of their life?
• can be a fun day out and an excuse to visit a different part of the U.K.
• perhaps they want their parent’s input on a very important decision

I mean really, of all the things to be smug about, not going to your child’s uni open days really isn’t it.

Oh and my DD ASKED me to go with her to the open days we've attended. She wanted my opinion and support I guess. It's not that odd, depends what type of relationship you have I suppose 🤷‍♀️

I don't know but i got accused of having a very poor relationship with my DS because i never went to his in 2015 (the accusation was on another MN thread of course!! Not is rl)

And then when i mentioned that when i myself started uni in 1986, not only did i get myself and belongings there by train. Sorted out my own accomodation. My parents never visited me once in my uni home town (hundreds of miles from home) I got told my relationship with my parents was very poor!!!!!

It was very normal back then - none of my flatmates were visited either and no teenager wanted to be seen with parents. Very uncool!!

I did go to some uni open days with DD but i was at work when DS went to his, it was a long way away (7hours drive) and he was happy to go it alone.

He's 28 now and unscathed by the experience.

I did because the stuff that was sent in the post by three universities had events for parents such as talks about the accommodation and finance. They were also at weekends. When my second and third went they had no such talks and were on weekdays and so the DC went with friends or alone,

Whether you go or not I do hope you had some urgent hoovering to do at 7am OP.

Singing loudly while doing so always helps you get the chores done

Why? He’s a teenager that had a late night he’s hardly committed a heinous crime.

Probably when they were expected to contribute when student loans were means tested. Its the norm now, parents have more of an interest in their kids education now. I really valued the open days we went to for my son, it was a lovely experience. His sister came too when we went to scotland as we had to stay a couple of nights. She will go in 2yrs so it was really helpful for her to see different uni’s, campus v big city. Things have changed.

The offer holder day we went to had special events for the parents. Its the norm now

Always. My mum did nearly 30 years ago

Same here, mum and dad did, 27 years ago..

i dont know how to vote
i dont think i would take him though

Yikes, 3 hours drive each way is a trek, especially on your day off. I would let it pass. You can do virtual days anyway. Or if there is another date go to that.

My parents always made us honour our commitments regardless of how hungover we were, it's good practice for adults life. Acting fine when feeling like shit is a skill everyone needs to learn.