Partner won’t marry me (thread 2)

[Everythingwillbeokk]

Continuation of the thread of the same name 😁

This. He's not going to fundamentally change.

If the weekend is childfree I'd book a hotel for tonight so you needn't be around him. Have a nice meal, drink, film, whatever.

Just don't give him more of your time. Take five minutes to pack a small bag and disappear.

This.

Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.

The proposal was a pure invention. How insulting to your intelligence and person is this chimp going to continue being?

Enjoy your food without this loser talking you round. You get one life.

Pandora stacking rings are between £30-£60. He’s wanting you to believe that after telling you last week that he would never get married, that the stacking ring he gave you last month was originally purchased as an engagement ring; you “ruined” his big proposal plan, and rather than hold onto this “engagement” ring for a more opportune time, he just gave it to you as a regular gift? The story’s not quite adding up here.

If you want to talk again, so be it but don't forget this is the man who's so controlling he decides who sits in the window seat and you don't even get a look in - or rather, out - and while you're at it, you could ask him if he's prepared to reimburse you for the money you've put into his mortgage that has enabled him to pay down some of the capital and increase the equity? Or for additional housekeeping and child care etc, over and above what he contributes? And I know you've said he has no savings. Why not? I've asked before: Where has his money gone? And whatever he says or does, or you decide yourself, there's no question of going back to how it was before, with everything weighted in his favour and you paying the lion's share of mortgage and other costs.

👏

I'm hoping I'm wrong but it looks like he's a good way already to winning the OP back. I hope she stands firm, he's obviously very good at manipulation. He's freaking out because he's worried his lifestyle is going to be seriously impacted. What a vile excuse of a man !

I don't think you're wrong.

Op, obviously it's your choice. Just think long and hard about if you will regret not taking this chance to leave, in a few months.

I don't see what further talks can achieve except to benefit him.

I agree with all this and similar posts have said - particularly @BettyBardMacDonald: "I really hope you don't let him derail your plans. You'll be right back where you started, in a month. Except the nice house will be rented to someone else."

Op why are you offering him a platform this evening to change your mind.

You have said everything you need to. I suggest you decline another ‘talk’ and go out this evening. This is very early days and I wouldn’t rule out a marriage proposal or something equally responsive to prevent you leaving.

You're in danger of letting him wear you down for an easy life.

Didn’t propose because you felt unwell so didn’t want to do what he wanted? Bloody hell, you’ll be well shot when he goes.

I don’t believe him re the proposal, at all. If he had intended to marry you he would have asked you regardless of a passing row, and I think he would have chosen something much nicer than a pandora ring.

He is reeling you in op. Good and proper.

The next thing tonight over a bottle of wine and dinner there will be talk of marriage and future plans, next op will either disappear from here altogether, or update with a post that she is going to give him a ‘second chance’ and he is willing to give her everything and more.

Fast forward six months she will be back… six more months of his mortgage paid and no sign of a wedding date…

I so hope op holds firm.

The failed "proposal" is a red herring. More importantly he has made clear he wants you to fund his kids inheritance without any parity re your own actual children. Stay strong OP.

I wonder if a panic proposal is coming this evening 😬. Not very romantic but money talks!

I like the hotel idea personally, but good luck whatever happens op and remember to put yourself and your kids first

I think this too. Always happens unfortunately. It takes women on average 7 attempts for leave absive relationships.

Op... why are you continually agreeing to meet with him. Are you considering staying now?

I think it’s fair enough to have another chat and let him have his say, as you’ve had yours.
But then that’s it.

You are moving out and there isn’t much point in keep going over and over the same things.

You’ve tried for many years to make it work and it doesn’t.

Neither of you are bad people, you just want different things.

I do hope so. I also don’t believe the ring story… or if it is true (which I don’t), this proves how little he thinks of you. A cheap stacking ring when you are so generous and caring to him and his kids then reneging because you were ill. Just no. Yuk. Yuk. Marriage vows are in sickness and in health. He’s telling you he’s not there for you in sickness, not even for one day.

Why do you so desperately need to have a bit of paper attached to your relationship?

It's more than a piece of paper. It's a legal document

This 100% op... it depends if you want manipulating back or indeed want to go back to the status quo.

Do you want to keep paying his mortgage and supportingting him financially manipulate you to pay for holidays etc.

Do you want to be doing unfair shares of housework.

Every talk will be closer to you going back to the manipulation and abuse.

Its a cycle you have the power to break. However it will take a strong woman to stand up to the patriarchal roles and break the cycle for herself and her children.

Remember he prioritises his children over you as a family unit.

Good luck and whatever you decide I hope you are happy.

Have you read her posts abd what she pays him for?

Hiw little he contributes?

It's much morw than marriage.

Tolerable level of unhappiness.... so many women live this way. Tolerable levels of unhappiness.

Forever.

oh dear have just read your update

he really can't afford the mortgage on the house can he...