Partner won’t marry me (thread 2)

[Everythingwillbeokk]

Continuation of the thread of the same name 😁

In the end I didn’t submit an accompanying letter. I just hoped it would go through. I did put for my reason for moving as ‘split with partner’ - and all my details. I was told by the agency it was very likely to go on who was the highest earner and was hinted at on my viewing by the agent that I stood a very very strong chance - I hung around at the house when it was being viewed to see who else was viewing it. I also figured the less the landlord knew about me the better

Already worked the postal redirection out!!! lol.

And yes - lots of keeping the peace. There was no guarantee I’d find another house quickly if I didn’t get this one. So needed to keep it as calm for me and the kids as much as possible.

Oh and my boss knows about it all too - I’ve been told to let them know what I need as and when. So I have all the time and support I need on the work side of things.

You are doing so well!

Have you towels, bedding and stuff in laundry cupboards or the kids rooms that they won’t need for two weeks that you could take to a friends house whilst he’s out.

I’d start with appliances and bits that aren’t often used or are out of sight out of mind type of stuff. Including any Christmas stuff that’s precious to you.

So pleased for you!

Are there any photos/videos you want to get? For example on his computer.

I'm so so happy for you! I hope you are out of there and away from him very soon.

Well Thank Goodness for that ! I had you buried under the patio !!!

I have been waiting since last Weds for an update, so pleased it's a positive one.

I hope the 2 week turnaround is quicker than 2 weeks, and I also hope the next 2 weeks fly by for you.

I wonder if you are looking at 1st November - that would make sense date wise.

Personally I wouldn't tell him, when you get a date I would book a man and a van or whatever you need and do it in a day whilst he is at work, and be finished before your children come out of school.
Sadly I wouldn't tell your children either as they may say something by accident.

I would suggest you inform their school/s, just incase he ever collects your children - that he is not to take them.

Pleased to hear a positive update. The house may not be perfect, but it’s perfect for you right now. Protect yourself for the next couple weeks. I agree don’t tell him you have found somewhere until you’ve gone. Until then, cool calm communication on essential topics only & “I’ll find somewhere & move out as soon as possible” is the most he needs to know. (Unless there’s a danger of violence, then tell him nothing)

I do feel sorry for his kids as it sounds like you’ve been a positive in their lives, so a kinder goodbye to them if possible?

So delighted for you.
That is fantastic news.
Please be very wary, your safety is paramount.
As he is a cop, please take advice from Women's aid about blow back from him.
Record him if you get a chance, to show just how abusive he is.

Can work help you with the removal of stuff, any men in the office that could help you clear the house?
If there are, ask for support.
Can you give the house a clean with friends before you move in?
It makes things so much easier.
Would work/friends give you boxes that you could fill and leave until the move?
Reach out and ask for help to make this transition a little easier.

I’m so glad you are escaping this vile excuse of a man.
If you’re happy to, then I’d suggest contacting a domestic abuse charity. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving, if he catches you or sees anything missing he may become aggressive and try and stop you leaving. They may be able to support you with the process.
You also don’t want the risk of him acting a victim and reporting you for attacking him or similar when he realises you have gone. Keep a record of everything and try and record his comments and name calling towards you as evidence of his treatment towards you.
This will all be in the past soon enough, you’re very strong and you should be proud of yourself.
I wish you and your children the very best in your new home.

I think to try and make things more amicable when leaving, you should say that you think we should have a break as it’s all getting to stressful but can carry on seeing each other and reconsider the future in a few months. Of course that’s not what you are really thinking, but it allows him to sort of somewhat ‘save face’. You could also try agreeing with him that all the house should go to his kids but are sorry that doesn’t work for you. Don’t get into arguments or tell him he’s wrong or show him what’s he’s missing, till months from now.

Wise words @Deloresmonroe

Just glad you are all right and safe OP. Please keep the peace in whatever way is best till moving date. Good luck.

Take a video of his house as you leave, lest he accuse you of any damage.

He is such a dud, he is capable on anything.

Haven't posted before, but have read both threads and have been cheering you on from the sidelines. Phew that you are OK, that you got the second house, and with a new kitchen - bonus! Excellent support also from your workplace that will stand you in good stead.

Have never been in your position, but have had to endure living with my late ex-husband in a scenario where we were about to split - I was kicking him out. Knowing that he was toing and froing between me and the OW every day added nothing positive to the proceedings. I had to let everything that he said to me go in one ear and out of the other, otherwise I suspect I would have throttled him.

The light is there now at the end of the tunnel, and a bright future is yours for the taking. Brava, OP!

You can remove kids summer clothes. Shoes, sheets, towels, tea towels, cleaning stuff, stuff from the garden, garage, loft. Tools,

Leave just enough to not blow your cover,

Brilliant news. No house is perfect, this one will be all the better for not having STBX in it.

So glad you are OK OP!
Play man's gameand if he suggests again to add you to mortgage or similar commitment, tell him "I will think about it".
It will buy you some time, and save you from his agro. Stay safe!

Your latest posts are really good news, @Everythingwillbeokk. So glad that house #2 is sorted and you're sticking to your guns and are on your way out of there! Good luck getting through the next few weeks.

OP, will you move out on the first day you get the keys?
Or does it make more sense to move on Day 2 or Day 3 and get more of your stuff transferred across?
Obviously, your safety and that of the kids is paramount. Just wondering what it the absolute best way. Would you hire a man with a van to help you on the day you leave for say a couple of hours so you are not loading and unloading your car? Making faster progress when time is of the essence would seem ideal.
Just throwing out thoughts for you to consider.
And, of course, Women's Aid advice would trump anything mentioned here.

Hope you get it! And hope the move isn't too stressful! You've been so decisive and it's actually amazing, it would have been so easy to just cave and pretend everything is OK. Really hope it all works out for you

I’m pleased that you got the house. Like you said, it’s not permanent just a stop gap until you buy your own home.

So he’s realising that his meal ticket is gone. I bet he proposes or comes up with another farcical suggestion.

Could you leave some things with friends or at work?

What’s the furniture situation? Is it mostly yours/joint or his? I ask as when you come to move, he could get very hostile so make sure you have an army of people helping you.

Fingers x, and I really really hope you've got some friends to help with the move.

I really do think he is going to lash out really badly when he realises you're actually going to fuck off, particularly if you try to take stuff that is yours but he now views as essential to his life.

Great news that you've got the house. From tomorrow start to make mental lists ( or lists somewhere he cant access) of the bits that you will be taking with you. Can you start organising and smuggling stuff out that he isn't likely to notice and leave with a friend / relative for storage until you get the keys. When you go, you don't want to forget anything or leave anything behind. I wouldn't tell him that you are leaving. When you get your keys try and see if you can hire a man with a van and have your stuff out in a day then leave him a note or dump via text and then block on everything.