To be envious of these female Doctors

[Choosingbetweenthousandsofmediocresandwiches]

Dd has been ill recently so we’ve had to go to a range of different private specialists.
Ive noticed the majority were female-amazing, but also that they were young, good looking, trendy etc. The child psychiatrist was wearing smart clothes-wide legged trousers etc, but with really nice Gazelles and she walked out to my dream car. The female gp we have is beautiful, so kind and warm and was saying her husband was a psychiatrist etc.
I’m not one to be jealous or superficial normally, but I think them also obviously being very smart and the list of their educational achievements makes me more envious. I wish I’d studied harder at school, instead of having too much fun with my friends, in a way.
I don’t know, I felt a bit rubbish as a 40 something mum with my Primark bag, fairly old Quasqui and mediocre teaching career.

I've never felt like that I have to say.

We cant all be Doctors!

I’m a doctor. I am not young good looking or trendy 😂. Some doctors do look very slick- it doesn’t make them better or worse humans than the ones that don’t or than anyone else on the planet! I also often feel unintelligent sometimes, forget what I was going to say etc and feel inadequate next to some other doctors and some other non doctors.

I suppose I just have huge respect for them, obviously very smart, I’d love to be that intelligent, I have huge respect for them and I’d love for others to think I’m super smart 🤣

You're seeing a snapshot of people's lives. It doesn't necessarily reflect the reality of their day to day lives. Plus, you're teaching the future doctors. That's got to be worth something

DH is a GP - his standard work wardrobe is jeans, trainers and a T-shirt and I can’t remember the last time his car was cleaned!

Private doctors have to look the part. They may well go home and get changed into their normal clothes splattered with baby gunk.

They will also have done their share of very unglamorous work while climbing the ladder.

I hope your child is getting better.

But people do think that teachers are smart?

You have to do a lot of qualifications to be a teacher

Repeated myself there oops!

I just imagine they also likely came from good backgrounds, with fairly wealthy parents engaged in intellectual pursuits (not always of course!) but how cool to meet someone on a night out and they ask what you do and you’re a child psychiatrist or surgeon and so on

Just remember though that to get where they are, they've made a lot of choices that probably involved sacrificing other areas of their life (e.g. spending lots of time studying, giving up a lot of their twenties/thirties working long shifts and unsocial hours) and could have regrets in that area. They could easily be looking at you and being envious of aspects of your life that they don't have.

A relative of mine is a consultant who earns very well and has a similarly 'glamorous' life. But I wouldn't trade places with him - he doesn't have much of a life outside his job and immediate family and has missed out on a lot of formative experiences that I had (e.g. living abroad, travelling, working in various low-paying but amazingly-fun jobs). He never seems to do much or have much going on in his life, and honestly, he's fairly boring to talk to as a result. I know he's very happy, but it wouldn't be for me.

Also you're a teacher - that might not quite be a doctor* in terms of earnings etc, but it's still a good career in its own right that I'd say a lot of people are jealous of! There's also lots of room for progression to middle and senior leadership if you'd like to be able to upgrade your own clothes and car! Remember, the private and specialised doctors you see are probably the equivalent of SLT in schools, in that they've pushed themselves for promotions etc.

I would suggest private specialists are not your every day doctor.

I think your focus may have been in the wrong place - were you not impressed by their knowledge and expertise rather than their outward appearance and status symbols (car).

@Nannyoggapple Yes, I suppose, but much less pay and it doesn’t feel like such a great occupation these days, I wish I’d studied harder and focused more

Or a teacher.

Do you not think teachers are well respected then?

Never too late if you want to!

My cousin just recently trained to be a psychologist in her forties.

@spirit20 That’s true, I’ve done similar things to you…travelling, living abroad, having lots of fun etc. I wouldn’t say people are jealous of teachers or at least not these days

If it helps I'm a GP. I come from a shit background. I am never put together. I drive a 10 yr old basic car. I earn well but am terrible with money so lurch from tax bill to pay check. I am quite smart I guess but menopause brain is erm interesting. We aren't all like that...

Just to give you perspective.

I have a dream of changing career and being a teacher.

I have a degree so I would just have to to the PGCE.

But I'm so afraid, I've heard it's really hard and I'd be so worried that I would fail it.

It's some people's dream to be a teacher.

I get ya! When I meet a woman who looks all put together, well qualified, intelligent and warm I swoon a bit. I have the same thoughts and think I should’ve worked harder at school etc but the fact of it is I’m a bit scatty and clever enough but not a super-academic. I could never have maintained the sort of discipline to get into that line of work even if I could magic up a bit if the brains.

What I do is steal a bit of their energy off them and try to channel it - a sort of fake it till you make it approach. I do the same with CJ Crane when I have to do a presentation at work 😆

@Ohfuckrucksack Yes I was definitely envious of that primarily, just in a superficial way the fact they were good looking and seemed quite glamorous and wealthy too added to it…call me superficial 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why are envious?

You're a TEACHER, OP. huge respect, more respect than I have for some of DH's colleagues ( he's an NHS consultant).
These people may be slick but "We all eat, shit and die (mama)", ( can't remember who said that but it's a great leveller).
I'M proud of you, anyway and have huge admiration for what you do, OP; it most certainly isn't mediocre. Xx

Many of us, maybe even most, could have studied an awful lot harder and yet would still have not been suitable doctors from an academic point of view or when it comes to other qualities.

I think that being a medical doctor just has a certain cachet that other professions do not. I have some friends who are post-doctoral researchers but they don't get the same kind of response as my friend who is a doctor.

Plus, you're teaching the future doctors. That's got to be worth something

This is very true

You could have seen me with my grey hair and Ford Fiesta

Nobody is envious of NHS doctors these days either.

Perhaps people aren't jealous of us for the same reasons that you mentioned above (e.g. fancy clothes and status), but I do think people have a glorified image of teachers as a job where you've escaped the 'rat race' and get to spend your day doing something fulfilling while having amazing holidays, and therefore they can be a bit jealous of us in other ways (I'm also a teacher - until Christmas anyway..).

Obviously, anyone who actually works as a teacher will know that that's complete and utter nonsense, and that schools can be some of the most 'rat-racey' workplaces there ever were. But then again, you don't know what thei day-to-day workplace of these glamourous doctors is like either, it could easily be very very different to how you imagine and they need to fancy clothes and cars to make the stress of it all seem worth the effort.

That said, I'd highly recommend using these feelings as a stimulus point for considering if you'd like to make any changes, however small, in your own life? Maybe there's a promotion at your school you could apply for, or a training course (e.g. an NPQ)?

My sister's comment regarding NHS female consultants. Easy to spot as they're slim (no time to eat) and wear good clothes 20 years out of date as they have no time to shop. So suspect that this is very much the private medicine element!