To be envious of these female Doctors

[Choosingbetweenthousandsofmediocresandwiches]

Dd has been ill recently so we’ve had to go to a range of different private specialists.
Ive noticed the majority were female-amazing, but also that they were young, good looking, trendy etc. The child psychiatrist was wearing smart clothes-wide legged trousers etc, but with really nice Gazelles and she walked out to my dream car. The female gp we have is beautiful, so kind and warm and was saying her husband was a psychiatrist etc.
I’m not one to be jealous or superficial normally, but I think them also obviously being very smart and the list of their educational achievements makes me more envious. I wish I’d studied harder at school, instead of having too much fun with my friends, in a way.
I don’t know, I felt a bit rubbish as a 40 something mum with my Primark bag, fairly old Quasqui and mediocre teaching career.

Ooops... I'm a female NHS consultant and I'm fat (it's rare but we do exist - no time to eat for me means binge all the sugary crap when I can - yes I should know better) and my clothes are very casual but weren't "good" to start with. I wear scrubs all day so don't need proper work clothes, otherwise I would put a bit more effort in!

Some people are just more put-together than others regardless of profession. Everyone has different priorities!

I wouldn’t admire them because they work in private medicine. They’re only in it for the money.

I'd hate to be a Doctor.

For many reasons. Its a tough job. Night shifts. Im squeamish.

Then I wouldn't be able to take the pressure of someone's life depending on me. And when their life is depending on me after I've done a long shift with very little sleep already

It's not for the fainthearted. Well done to anyone that does it.

I just imagine they also likely came from good backgrounds, with fairly wealthy parents engaged in intellectual pursuits (not always of course!) but how cool to meet someone on a night out and they ask what you do and you’re a child psychiatrist or surgeon and so on

I'm a psychiatrist. Believe me, no one wants to sit next to me at a dinner party. Everyone seems to think you'll be able to see into their soul, and will start asking them awkward questions about why they fancy their best mate's wife, or why they felt compelled to nick stuff from the Woolworths pick and mix as a child.

I grew up on one of the roughest council estates you've ever seen, our next door neighbours were drug dealers. The closest thing to an intellectual pursuit in my house, was working out in which order we should switch the appliances off to make the meter money last the week with the least inconvenience.

You're comparing your insides to other people's outsides. The truth is very often not what you think it is

As a doctor - when I drop my kids to school on a day I’m not working, I feel like you as they’re dressed smart and stylish, made up and looking good while I’m usually wearing gym clothes and haven’t showered! I have the respect for them that you describe towards doctors - in awe of how they manage the class, their workload, get the best out of my children.

It goes both ways!

I do one of the jobs you mention in the NHS. There's a wide spectrum of what similar clinicians wear. I imagine that the doctors you met in the private sector need to dress for expectations of that particular role, and also are better paid.

I consider teaching to the most important job of all, for what my opinions worth!

Don't be too cowed. I've met a lot of neurologists and psychiatrists over time (anorexia as a teen, now MS; one of my children has ASD and another self-harmed). It's true that they're often quite well turned out - the neurologist who first told me I had MS, at the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery in London, wore the most expensive suits I had seen until that point.

But he hadn't managed to stop his underlings from sending me home within 30 minutes of a lumbar puncture, leading to a disastrous eight-day headache, and he made a mess of explaining the implications of my diagnosis to me. Utter failure in terms of patient care and bedside manners, seemed to think I should be happy with some brochure that appeared pitched at four-year-olds.

And psychiatry, I've realised by now, is really a mostly descriptive discipline, attributing diagnoses based on symptoms but with no understanding of their causes. The treatments are mere guesses. My DD's well-dressed psychiatrist has been in turns over-optimistic and overly punitive, rigid, naive, defensive when things went wrong and just unperceptive.

And she's not even the worst I've met, not by a long shot. The bloke who was supposed to help me when I was a teen was so busy trying to blame my 'overprotective' mother that he couldn't find the time to examine my abusive, nasty, terrifying father's role in my predicament. Common and garden sexism at its worst. The profession is rife with it; beware.

That said, I sympathise with your worrying about your 'meh' career. But there's no point. And children's health struggles put things in perspective. Brace yourself, you'll need your wits, backbone, patience, tact, perseverance, really all you have to get your kid help.

I'm a doctor - there are also lots of doctors who feel sad or anxious as the training and role involves a lot of death, the risk of complaints, long hours and lack of control over hours/ shifts/ leave,
So please don't let envy make you feel bad.
Could you pin pint what it is that you feel you are missing out on and set some goals?

Well my daughter's a paediatrician. Don't think she dresses as you describe. She did work hard and was v focused.
Just wondering really, why are you seeing private paediatricians? And where are you finding them? You do realise they probably also work in NHS?
You're wasting your money

@enpeatea We’re not in the U.K., long wait times and not getting any answers at the moment, going private to save time and in the hope of clearer answers.

I had gazelles a few years ago and they were seen as a bit mumsy and untrendy at that point. Now they’re everywhere 😅

@frozenblueberries They are 😅
I had them in the 90’s as a teen

Not trying to be holier-than-thou, but I’m really not impressed by glamorous people. I do try not to make snap judgements, but if somebody is dressed very slickly I suppose I am more likely to suspect they are a bit vain or insecure. Same for women who wear a lot of makeup. Not saying I’m right, I’m just aware that’s the way my biases fall.
Obviously being scruffy isn’t a good look either. Overall, I’m most impressed by expert social skills and the ability to put others at ease and handle tricky conversations.

Ah right should have said!!! Most drs in uk fairly ordinary

I have been an NHS Dr for 25 years. Neither of my quite bright DD want to do medicine. And I thank my stars for that.

Only one of mine and it was entirely led by him - it's a tough life and you don't get paid on a par with similar professionals esp lawyers

Of all my dh's mates from University, he as the hospital consultant earns the least. His mates all went into banking/finance /business /law.

Sorry but that is utter nonsense.

They vary. If I'm spending £300 for 30 minutes I expect them to look professional. My GP wears sensible flat sandals, flowery skirts in summer, cord ones in winter and usually a droopy top. All topped off with a dodgy haircut.

I couldn't give a stuff and I certainly don't envy them.

being a doctor is very noble but all jobs are valuable. I have always said I will respect anyone’s job provided they have one (or are retired, redundant but looking too disabled to work or in full time education).

i knew a lovely female dr. She confided in me that she lived constantly in fear of making a mistake- she put in so many hours but she said when she went home she’d often be thinking of every patient and turning over in her mind what she might have missed. even logging on to her emails after time off checking first there was nothing from management about a case that had gone wrong, whether her fault or not

I’m sure I’d be the same. I wouldn’t be a dr for anything. I am fallible, I fuck up, and I’d be destroyed if I caused harm.

so nope, not envious at all.

The female GPS at my surgery are all quite ordinary in terms of looks.I never really notice their outfits so I assume they are quite ordinary too.

My dc(28), works as am IT contractor and has already paid off the mortgage on a £500k house with zero financial help from us.His medical peers are still just getting on the ladder

Consultant - and yes I feel sad and anxious when my patients have complications or die. I wake at night thinking about it, hugely frustrated about the lack of investment in IT etc
I am frequently covered in bodily fluids, I have a dowagers hump . I’d love to resign but how else would we pay the mortgage and school fees . I’ve worked so hard , studied so hard and sacrificed a lot to get here and now I’m here I hate it . Seriously I am so specialized that I have no idea what else I could do.

@Nannyoggapple teachers are not respected overall at all. I am only still in the job as I'm part time, and I care very much for the children I teach. Do quite a few of the parents care about me? Sadly not!