Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

[itsmeits]

I go out once a week and take my DDs with me 7 and 13. It's a social evening thing, the girls love it, there are different activities on.
My sister has started coming fine no issue with that. Her mate is now coming with her DD 8
This is where the issue is. They swan off for 15-30 min cig breaks and leave the child unattended. Going for a cig is the announcement and off they pop.
Last night child of sisters friend was messing about and has hurt themselves, mum nowhere to be seen for over 20mins.
I am being blamed for not watching the child 😳
Apparently announcing I'm going for a cig is que for me to watch her child - never have either said can you watch DD while I nip out. Plus I don't know this child, met her a few times that's it.
When this happened I should have been sat with/watching her DD not participating in an activity my DDs wanted to do.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

Should I have watched this child
YANBU you have your DDs she needs to step up
YABU she's a single mum provide free cig breaks child care for her

Some people just take the mick! And 20-30 min is a long fag break!

I would text your sister and let her know that you have set the record straight with SS!

OP, well done, well handled.
Your sister is truly awful.
Back far away from her and the dregs she hangs around with.
Good call to keep her away from your home and family.
People like that drag people down with them.
She has shown you EXACTLY who she is with her behaviour.

I think we will have to agree to disagree. I think the responsibility here as 100% the mothers. There is no % of responsibility for anyone else.

@itsmeits tough on your sister. Definitely don’t let her move in. Hopefully this will all be resolved soon.

Well done, OP. I hope they have a stern conversation with the actual mother of the child about her neglecting her child.

Yes, mum repeatedly made the mistake of assuming and this time it bit her on the ass.

At no point did OP accept responsibility for this child. That her mother assumed she did, didn’t oblige OP in any way. OP didn’t need to do anything but what she did do - it wasn’t on her to establish that she wasn’t looking after the child, it was it entirely on the mother to make sure her child was supervised. She didn’t.

Absolutely not! The mum should never have made that assumption!

@itsmeits tell them to bring it on! And don't entertain any more of their nonsense!

Exactly. But why didn’t OP clarify she wouldn’t be keeping an eye on the child?

I mean, it is normal to use your words when somebody is obviously expecting something of you.

Because she didn’t need to. It wasn’t her responsibility to correct the mother’s mistake any more than it was her responsibility to watch the child. It was on to use her own words and not make it in the first place - that she didn’t is her own fault.

But why didn’t OP clarify she wouldn’t be keeping an eye on the child?

She was doing activities with her own kid-I would have thought it was self evident that she wouldn't then be acting as childcare for another.

Abdicating responsibility for the supervision of your child does not equate to another person tacitly accepting, or being tasked with the responsibility of supervising that child. It simply means that you have abandoned your responsibilities, and whatever happens to that child because they weren't being supervised, remains fully your responsibility. And thank God that is all that happened to this child in this instance, and her mother has the everloving shit scared out of her to ensure she never does this again.

I don't know what sort of circles you mix in, but if a mother wants to leave their child to go somewhere, they proactively make sure they are looked after. they don't just leave and hope for the best, because that's called neglect.

Just read all the updates. I can't believe your sister has given your number. What a horrible thing to be dragged in to from a woman you barely know. Nasty pieces of work! Prob knows she's neglected the poor kid and using you as the scapegoat

OP was in a different area, why is the onus on her to run to the other women and say she’s not keeping an eye on the child?

It’s normal to use words yes so they should have asked Op, not just left.

Club owner has just rang SS reach out to her after I passed on details.
Owner has told SS I have been attending the Social club on and off for over 20 years she has watched me grow up 😅 she has advised SS that I have never once been pulled over my childrens behaviour at the club yet the other mother has. This is not the first time a club member has had the child 'left' with them, while mum swans off for a smoke/gossip with drink in hand.
Best bit is she offered them details of several club members that are willing to give statements of the event if needed.
Also thanked me for the gossip, the club has had extra bodies for lunch and tea today 😂
I have received several messages of support from other members saying not to worry.

Thanks everyone for the replies and listening to me ramble about a first World problem.

Sister currently very angry as she's told mum, and mum has basically asked WTAF 😂Told her to get off her high horse and back in a box till she's given her head a wobble and isn't interested

Wow. So the mother is still blaming you?!!! I have no words.

I think she means her mother isn't interested in hearing what her sister says?

@letthemalldoone Yes I mean my sister has told our mother to try to get our mum to side with her and friend, that I am responsible for this.

My mum takes no bull and calls it as she sees it. She also attends occasionally when her work pattern allows it.

To clarify no one said hey itsmeits can you watch child. They just get up and go out. I activity participate with my girls. So I'm not always sat chatting. Some people come to watch and see friends, catch up. I count myself lucky that we have this place ❤️ and I am of so much more than just an activity.

Equally, I think the time the mum was gone is irrelevant. She’s too young to be left alone in a public place for even 5 minutes.

Is this a joke? Have you ever met an 8 year old? Are you one of those people who wouldn't let their 16 year old stay in the house alone while you pop to the shops or something? How absurd.

But the 8yo did come a cropper so she clearly needs watched by her parent.

I hope the mum of this child gets the wake up call she needs from SW. I am so glad the club owner called and explained the situation to them. As for your sister she should be ashamed of herself.

That made me lol - she is going to report YOU to SS?! Even if she had asked you to watch her child, and even if you had said yes, she is still ultimately responsible for who she chooses to leave her child with. (Not saying you're irresponsible at all, she didn't even ask you and you don't even know the kid). The cheek of some people is shocking!

I know several 8 year olds who are completely mad, one in particular. Id never leave him anywhere alone because quite frankly he could literally be climbing the walls or taking someone’s eye out.
I regularly see kids of that age playing with sticks in serious danger of poking someone’s eye out.

😂😂😂😂