Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

[itsmeits]

I go out once a week and take my DDs with me 7 and 13. It's a social evening thing, the girls love it, there are different activities on.
My sister has started coming fine no issue with that. Her mate is now coming with her DD 8
This is where the issue is. They swan off for 15-30 min cig breaks and leave the child unattended. Going for a cig is the announcement and off they pop.
Last night child of sisters friend was messing about and has hurt themselves, mum nowhere to be seen for over 20mins.
I am being blamed for not watching the child 😳
Apparently announcing I'm going for a cig is que for me to watch her child - never have either said can you watch DD while I nip out. Plus I don't know this child, met her a few times that's it.
When this happened I should have been sat with/watching her DD not participating in an activity my DDs wanted to do.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

Should I have watched this child
YANBU you have your DDs she needs to step up
YABU she's a single mum provide free cig breaks child care for her

So if you don’t make it clear you are not taking responsibility, then you become responsible by default?? Not sure how this would stand up legally!

How stressful for you. You have nothing to answer for though

I disagree. The sister invited her friend. The OP is nothing to do with her and barely knows her child. The child is 8. The assumption, would be that announcing you are going for a fag means that you have risk assessed the situation as safe enough to do so.

If it was a toddler it would be more clear cut and I’d agree that there is an element of needing to clarify but my assumption here would be that the 8 year old is fine on their own and knows where the parent is.

Tell you CF sister and her vile friend to do one. They are responsible for their own kids, you have enough on your hands watching two DC. Don’t take her along and say you aren’t going next time. Put your foot down. What a pair of CFs.

Ss would not be interested in the slightest at such a thing. Nor would they be interested if it was your own child for that matter and you had gone for the cig.
It shows their lack of knowledge by treating you with such a thing.
Tell them so. Good of you for getting out and taking the kids 👌 look after your own. Not other peoples. Hope you've stuck up for yourselves against the fag hags

Sorry but 😂😂😂😂, good luck telling SS that YOU are the one in the wrong! Stick to your guns OP and tell them both to fuck off and once they there, fuck off some more!

That's a reasonable opinion too. Leaving one mum 'with the kids' isn't an uncommon situation. The legalities regarding responsibility for any mishap would be messy. What if the child's mum HAD been there? Would the accident not have happened anyway? Maybe, maybe not.

Anyway. No-one seems to be suggesting the child didn't get immediate and appropriate care. That's what matters.

I think you're right that your sister is taking sides against you because you refused to take her live with you, she's seeing this as an opportunity to take you down a peg or two. I've seen far too many parents do what her friend has, leaving their DC somewhere and thinking someone else will keep an eye on them, if she'd asked that might be different but she has no right to assume. Fortunately for you I can't see her or your sister turning up at the club in future, if they do their not going to get the reception I'd like

Your sister should be ashamed. When shit hits the fan for her and her friend - tell your sister to keep the same energy and DEUCES

Sounds like something of Jeremy Kyle

Tell them it is their fault the child hurt themselves and while you obviously can’t stop them going, tell them you won’t be sitting with them and definitely won’t be watching their children

What a joke you’re being blamed. I would stay well away from this woman and your sister. Going for a smoke takes 5 mins tops, but she shouldn’t be leaving her kids without asking someone to watch them. I can’t believe she had the cheek to blame you when it was her own fault

How bizarre that SS would waste their time over a kid having a bit of a tumble…

You are not responsible for her child, she is. End of.
Your sister should support you and not this random (to you) who is trying to guilt trip to divert from her own crap behaviour.
As a second thought tell them both to fuck the hell off!

It’s hilarious to think SS would have anything to say to you. The conversation would go like this.
Is this your child?
No.
Sorry for wasting your time.

Ludicrous.
So I’m responsible for watching all children whose parents aren’t watching them when I know they’re not being watched am I? No.
if children are not being supervised that is just down to those who are responsible for them.
Her child, her problem.

This might be the maddest thing I've ever heard. Imagine going to a busy playground with your kids, and then just loudly announcing "I'm just popping to the pub!" and BAM! anyone in earshot is now resonsible for your kids as you leg it 😂

And then there's a mad rush as all the other parents yell "I'M JUST POPPING OFF SOMEWHERE TOO! YOU'RE IT!" And some poor sod who was engrossed in their phone during all this is left supervising 30 kids they've never seen before.

That's ridiculous. I was at a softplay last weekend and saw a mother leave her child in the soft play while she went to the toilet. If something happened to the child, does that make me responsible just because I didn't stop the woman and say I'm not going to watch your child? Be reasonable.

Sorry that was obviously supposed to be to the person you were replying to!

Hahagaha exactly. You've explained that far better than I did, and made me laugh too.

The ridiculous thing is that this mother did have someone who could watch her sprog whilst she had a fag. She had come to the evening with a friend. That friend was not the OP it was her sister. The mother should have gone off for a cigarette alone and left her friend who presumable knows her daughter better than the OP and who doesn't have any children of her own to watch.

I'm gobsmacked at your sister's behaviour here. I really can't. I'm delighted your mother told her to get back in her box and give her head a wobble while she's at it. Fair dues to your mother!!!

It would take a hell of an apology from the sister and the neglectful friend here for me to forgive them passing on my details to Social Services. I mean really!!!

yes and not only, but smocking also, may be even in her own house and near kids

Nope. The child was 8, if the mother did not explicitly ask her to watch the child then how could OP know? I wouldn’t dream of swanning off somewhere and not saying ‘oh do you mind watching x for a few mins please?’

Both your DS and her neglectful friend are taking the absolutely piss. Glad you've got lots of support OP.

I accept that this woman is in the wrong. However if I knew a small child was alone I wouldn't be able to help but keep an eye on them. I used to be a nanny and am still the one watching the kids and counting to make sure one hasn't wandered off. I do it for them to make sure they are safe, It necessarily for the parents sake. I was at a family do and there was a hot tub with three little ones in. I hated it as no one seemed to be specifically watching the very small kids that were in it. So I did.