Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

[itsmeits]

I go out once a week and take my DDs with me 7 and 13. It's a social evening thing, the girls love it, there are different activities on.
My sister has started coming fine no issue with that. Her mate is now coming with her DD 8
This is where the issue is. They swan off for 15-30 min cig breaks and leave the child unattended. Going for a cig is the announcement and off they pop.
Last night child of sisters friend was messing about and has hurt themselves, mum nowhere to be seen for over 20mins.
I am being blamed for not watching the child 😳
Apparently announcing I'm going for a cig is que for me to watch her child - never have either said can you watch DD while I nip out. Plus I don't know this child, met her a few times that's it.
When this happened I should have been sat with/watching her DD not participating in an activity my DDs wanted to do.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

Should I have watched this child
YANBU you have your DDs she needs to step up
YABU she's a single mum provide free cig breaks child care for her

You have every right to be angry. Loosers, take your kids to smoke with you. I never trusted anyone with my kids except my mom. Tell them you will be happy to talk to CPS. If they asked you to watch the child and you said yes, that’s different.

Well let's see how far the neglect report goes, of course an empty threat, as the friend of your sister was responsible for her child. Did you sign a document to say you would be fully responsible for her welfare and have it signed by parent and counter signed by a witness?

Honestly, jog on this irresponsible entitled parent, tell her to f##k off!

😂😂😂 I did it all wrong!

Absolutely this.

One of my DDs has been in a&e multiple times for head injuries, 4 times between the ages of 3 & 5, out of those 4 occasions 1 I was in the shower so didn’t see what happened, DH was chasing her (playing) she ran in another room and we assume she went head first into a dresser she was running so fast, he got there a split second after it happened. 2 I was leaving the toilets in the supermarket dd ran ahead and head first into a metal shelf she hadn’t seen knocking herself out. 3 dd apparently ran into a brick wall, we were outside school, next to the school is a church that has grounds around it, as I was chatting to other mums we heard a scream from around the corner all the children said she just went head first into the wall, we are talking mainly reception age children and finally 4 DH was upstairs I was in one room and heard a crash in the next dd was on the floor when I picked her up she had a massive dent on her head a huge bump already showing, we’ve no idea what happened. The same child also sprained her wrist in this time at someone else’s house where the mum didn’t see what happened.

SS were never called even though I couldn’t say I’d witnessed each incident. This particular child had dozens of bruises all over her legs too. But she would happily chat to the Drs and nurses and tell them proudly how she gained each one.

Id say the fact the accident happened in a place where alcohol was being served might be another factor especially if the mum had been drinking.

The mum puts smoking before her child's welfare?
SS won't like that if your DSis interferes.

OP your sister is a leach.
Wants to live with you and gets you in trouble.
Keep her at a distance.

This is not the first time a club member has had the child 'left' with them, while mum swans off for a smoke/gossip with drink in hand.

If the Club Owner told SS this, that’ll be the end of the matter as far as you’re concerned.

i think this is a fair comment. You should have said something before they left. It’s not very nice out of meanness to let a child get hurt. You seem to articulate yourself on here quite well so should have said who is watching x? Rather than saying nothing and ignore the child completely because they didn’t ask you….

But that was not what happened, is it?

The OP did not ignore the child 'out of meanness'. She was doing an activity with one of her children, while keeping an eye on her other child. What was she supposed to do? Stop the activity and ignore her own children so that she could watch the other woman's child?

You seem to have twisted everything you have read so that you can have a dig at the OP. The only person to blame is the woman who went outside to smoke.

No, it isn't. They must have seen that OP was fully occupied. Why would she interrupt what she was doing to say, in effect "I know you haven't asked me to look after your child, but just in case you think I'm going to, I can't". They knew plenty of other people in the club, for all OP knew they had asked someone else to keep an eye on her. After all, the mother had history expecting all and sundry to take over her responsibilities.

This is not on, if they want to have a cig they should go separate and watch their own children.

Why do you think it was beyond OP to ask who was looking after the other child?

They weren’t randoms at the same event. They were there together as a group (although I do note that OP revised this in later posts to say they weren’t there together) so it’s fairly obvious that as the only remaining adult she was being expected to look after the children.

I don’t agree with the mum going off and leaving her child, but OP understood what was happening and chose not to say anything knowing the child was unsupervised. Aside from the obvious on that occasion, the other mum had form for this so OP k ew it was coming.

It was a pass ag move on OP’s part.

Can't agree @StormingNorman , the child was colouring in when they went out so how was the Op supposed to know she'd get up and hurt herself? If they'd taken the 5 mins it takes to smoke a cigarette and come straight back probably this wouldn't have happened

Because the child in question was absolutely nothing to do with the OP, @StormingNorman.

Personally if I saw someone leave their 8 year old unattended for 20 minutes in a place like that I would assume it was because they thought their 8 year old was old enough to be left unattended for a while.

It’s the mother’s fault for prioritising cigarettes over her child. Stanky wench

Update
My mum has had a tough word with my sister. Sister has apologised to her for the way she has spoken to me and trying to put her in the middle of a non family issue - will be a few days before I get the apologie.
Mum has said her behaviour isn't justified in the slightest, after an explanation mum now sees why the reaction was as it was from her and friend - shes been told still uncalled for.

Sisters friend is already under SS and being monitored. DD is at risk of going into the system.
Mums advice to her was not to encourage friend to drink on school nights with the child out with then.
This explains the reaction and them trying to pass the book. Still doesn't justify the things that were said. It does explain why SS were so interested if they already have her on file.

Feel bad for the little girl in all of this 😕 hope that the right decisions are made for her, and mum engages in whatever support they offer them.

Sisters friend is already under SS and being monitored. DD is at risk of going into the system.

Frankly, I'm glad SS are monitoring her. Her DD IS at risk if she regularly swans off for huge chunks of time leaving her DD alone/in unsafe situations.

@puggypuggypuggy 😂
I think you have summed up the mums thoughts exactly.
Those that have said SS don't get involved for A+E trips I agree. My eldest was on a first name basis at one point with the receptionist and triage 🤕He was just a clumsy, inquisitive lad. Up trees, broken arm, fell of BMX broken ankle, running jumping game with friends landed on a shard of glass. Went to school - had many phone calls - tripped over his own feet - shoes were velcro 😅 He's grown up now and isn't as accident prone - at 8 though I wouldn't have left him on his own.
If SS already had her on the books it makes sense that they reacted out.

It makes their actions more reprehensible. Not less.

It's a very sad situation for the poor little girl, but IMO it's a good thing she is in the system and I hope she ends up properly protected. It appears her mother is struggling to do so.

The skank cigerrete smoking mum learnt a lesson.
It had to happen.

OP did nothing wrong - her own kids could have been hurt if she didn't supervise them because of some random ill behaved kid with a rubbish mother.

I'm glad the little girl is okay and ss are monitoring things for her sake.

I would be putting continents of distance between you and your sister OP, she was only too happy to threaten your family with ss for no reason, that's unforgivable. She put you and your kids in the cross hairs of the authorities to save her neglectful mates neck, I couldn't forgive that easily.

My sisters has turned up like a whirlwind since the break-up, she's back at home - She has recently reconnected with this friend. Personally I dont think either is healthy for the other.
We haven't been close for a long time and after this behaviour will not be reaching out in a hurry to reconnect.
Family gathering will do me fine.
If she appears this week she appears, I will be in attendance regardless with my girls, having fun 😁

It wasn’t her responsibility to say anything to the mother. It was the responsibility of the mother to supervise her child, or make sure she was being supervised. That the mother didn’t does not mean it became OP’s responsibility. OP was busy with her own child, but tbh that’s irrelevant - she could have been sat there staring into space and she still wouldn’t have been obliged to either correct the mother’s assumptions or assume responsibility for the child.

I think you’re missing my point. I’m not excusing the mum’s behaviour. I think the faux ignorance and passive aggressive response were unnecessary when the pawn in the game was an 8yo girl.

The OP was helping her own kid with an activity - she had a choice either leave her kid or go and attend to the 8 year old even though she wasn't asked.
Even if she was aware no one leaves their own kid for someone else's.