Really upset with family’s reaction

[Autumnhedgehog]

I have recently won my pip mandatory reconsideration for both PMDD and ADHD. Also generalised anxiety and depression.
I am currently unable to work as I’m not well enough.

I’m really upset as my parents and my brother think I’m taking the piss with getting pip it seems. My brother called it a ‘pisstake’ when he found out and my mum thinks that he’s right to feel that way as he’s working a full week and in her words I’m “sitting about at home, getting free money”
I’m feeling really down about it, as I thought they’d be pleased for me. It’s taken a lot of strength to get through the assessment processes and the stress of it made me feel very ill at times.

I’m now starting to question the decision and I feel like a bit of a fraud or something.

I see your position ,however your brother probably works hard and feels a little resentful.I would not say anything more to them .My DD struggles as well .Just because you have been awarded PIP for the moment doesnt mean you have a regular income like him. Many people feel that people on benefits are "getting away with it" I have had people ,even friends wondering aloud why DD isnt working .

Google exists 🤦‍♂️
https://gprivate.com/69qqk

Everyone is different. I have to work despite similar issues as it's the main thing that gets me 'out of my own head' and is basically a huge ongoing distraction. I'd struggle far more if I was unemployed, but that depends on the nature of the job, too, I work in communications but I don't think it would have the same effect if I did a manual job.

Anyway you'll probably get a hard time just for saying you're not working, whatever the reason. MN only likes economically active citizens, even though there are plenty on here living on pensions or inherited wealth. Posting this might not have a positive impact on your mental health, sorry OP.

I work hard and do not feel at all guilty about getting 'benefits' for my son and I. I don't think anyone I know who gets PIP doesn't work, however it wouldn't matter if they didn't.
I'd be telling friends wondering why your DD isn't working that it is none of their business, unless she wants to tell them. Feeling resentful because a person with a disability can't work or works reduced hours is completely ridiculous.

It’s unlikely to last because the benefits bill is (a) not big enough to meet demand and (b) crippling the taxpayer

Yeah. People with disabilities who struggle to work should just do the decent thing and cease to exist. .

And you know, of course, that millions in benefits goes unclaimed, don't you? This links suggests around £23 billion a year.

Missing out 2024: £23 billion of support is unclaimed each year - Policy in Practice

What your family think about you receiving pip is nothing to do with you. I don’t mean that it’s none of your business. I mean that they obviously have some pre conceived ideas that you should be severely disabled and needing carers before you qualify for help. That’s on them, not you. PiP isn’t easy to get, so the fact that you’ve got it means that your health will have been looked at under a microscope. And you’ve been found to qualify, so you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. It’s what it’s there for. Are you not supposed to claim because some random, unqualified person sees a snapshot of your life and thinks they know more about your capacity for work than your doctors?

I suspect your brother and your mum are working on the basis that they can have a conversation with you and you seem ‘normal’ to them, and you can get yourself to therapy etc, so there’s no reason you can’t get yourself into an office etc, and why should your brother have to go out and work while you get to stay at home? Again, this is down to their preconceived and incorrect opinions and is no reflection on you.

If either of them say anything else to you, remind them that pip isn’t easy to get and the fact that they think you should be out working just proves they don’t understand your conditions. Don’t tell them anything else. It’s none of their business and you don’t need their judgement.

Excellent post.

Part time work is the solution in many cases.

Some conditions, and especially MH conditions make full time work impossible (and obvs. part time too). But there are many people who could manage PT. A lot of people with ADHD and ASD for instance would be ideal candidates for this.

The person would feel better about themsleves, and those around them would tone down their misplaced jealousy.

PT work supplemented by some benefits should be the standard. But making PT work work is so bloody hard!

SOME jobs can be beneficial for SOME people. Things like the structure of work, being meaningfully occupied, being physically active and the social aspects can be help with mental health. BUT as we all know most jobs are not like that.
It needs to be looked at from a different perspective. There are reasons why increasing numbers of people are unable to work and it's not because they're all "snowflakes". The natural course of capitalism is to make as much profit as possible which results in workers having to do more and more and having less breaks, less benefits, less pay etc hence the high level of stress. Combine this with people having to wait ages for physical and mental health conditions to be treated (7 million people on NHS waiting lists) which then become worse and sometimes chronic and you have the perfect storm.
But of course our beloved media, owned by rich people who it benefits to have people fighting amongst ourselves rather than fighting for better conditions etc, have whipped us all into a frenzy of blaming people as feckless or lazy or scroungers and a lot of people fall for it.

Quite. I have never mentioned PIP or any other benefits.

If uhe poster wants us to engage with her post she should not post obscure acronyms! Not up to us to google it!

I'm genuinely curious what has lead you to be of this opinion? Is it from life experience ie more than just a few people you know ,or is it from reading what is in the press at the moment? I've just seen a daily telegraph headline claiming that the system is too soft, did you just read this article? Or do you actually work in this area?

She shouldn't need to this is a group of mainly grown adult women and should know what pmdd is do you also need people to explain what diabetes is asthma,cancer, depression or do you think your in the minority here and if you don't understand what something is then it's on you to google it or do you also need us to explain what Google is

Is Pmd a new term for Pmt?

No

Someone has already, answered another ignorant question like yours, put up a goggle link on here.There is a difference, it doesn’t take 2 minutes to Google, research it yourself.

Pip is necessary for some people- and as you have been awarded, it's necessary for you. It's a safety net. Because so many claims are rejected, I imagine relief is what I would feel if I was awarded. But I wouldn't expect people to be 'pleased' about it in the same way I wouldn't expect someone to be 'pleased' that I had my UC processed and accepted. It's neither a lottery nor a competition so to win PIP seems an odd turn of phrase too.

This is PMDD for those who don’t know, from the Mind website:

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a very severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). It causes a range of emotional and physical symptoms every month during the week or two before your period. It is sometimes referred to as 'severe PMS'.
PMDD occurs during the luteal phase of your menstrual cycle. This is the time between when you ovulate and when your period starts. The luteal phase lasts approximately two weeks for most people but can be longer or shorter.

Many of us may experience symptoms of PMS. But if you have PMDD, these symptoms are much worse and can have a serious impact on your life. Experiencing PMDD can make it difficult to work, socialise and have healthy relationships. In some cases, it can also lead to suicidal thoughts.

Its destroyed my life so far and left me a shell of my former self. Alongside ADHD which means I make impulsive decisions, I have intense brain fog and I struggle to follow basic instructions. All these are heightened when experiencing PMDD. Having any kind of interaction with somebody causes intense anxiety and I often avoid it completely.

I am so glad you are getting the space and support you need OP. People don't understand how important it is to view humans as separate to output makers with differing needs.

I have had a number of awful things, circumstantial and medical happen - I have complex PTSD after childhood sexual abuse, I had clinical depression and anorexia, then hyperemesis x3, I left a physically abusive relationship with a terrible injury to my shoulder where I was bitten by exH, I then got a diagnosis of endo, adeno and fibroids with frequent UTI's and I suspect I had undiagnosed PMDD also, all while trying to bring up 3DC. Then I had a hysterectomy and surgical menopause. I have worked full time for nearly 20 years and dealing with my conditions on top of work has stressed me out so much that I think I'll die early from a chronic stress related condition.

Honestly? I shouldn't have done this. I haven't been the best employee and 'braving it out' and flogging myself to be economically active hasn't served me or my DC. It has served Social Care and the NHS (who I have been employed by) but actually I haven't had the chance to become fully healed and parent well. I admire people like you who know their limits and want to access the space and time to get themselves functioning properly and really understand themselves before engaging with the working world. Ignore those who are projecting their crap onto you and continue to take great care of yourself

I think people are twitchy about anyone claiming benefits now. We have this dire picture of the country painted of the squeezed middle, the working poor and lazy benefit claimants. Meanwhile the really rich get richer.

I get UC, I work full time and it’s a couple of hundred quid a month which helps massively. I wouldn’t admit it out in The real world as every ice cream or extracurricular I buy my kids would be judged. I can hear it now “shouldn’t be claiming benefits if you can afford ballet or music lessons or decent food or shoes” I pay more in tax than I get back but in so much of the public mind it’s benefit claimer=scrounger.

I just think it’s better to keep that information private, otherwise I’ve seen people start doing math publicly. They work out what you get versus their tax bill and then have a go. It’s brutal out there you have to look after yourself.

PIP is very hard to get so if the OP has been awarded this, the assessors must have been satisfied with her evidence. Your opinion is based on nothing but your own prejudices.

Your brother sounds dreadful, as does your mother.

they werent talking about ADHD

Fyi i did before posting and tge search results said it was severe Pmt.

So why did you write is this the new term for pmt. Pmdd isn't pmt and that's the equivalent of saying to someone who has clinical depression so your a bit sad or saying to someone with an anxiety disorder so you get a bit nervous. It's not the same thing and it's certainly not anything new and has been a diagnosable serious mental health condition since 1985

Quite. On another group I used to be on, there was a woman always banging on about benefits ‘everyone is capable of working blah blah blah’.

Then she got cancer. Then she couldn’t work. Then she had to rely on benefits.

I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from pointing out the irony.