To be concerned DM last marbles at 60

[Pinkchickglitterpants]

I love DM but I have become concerned over the last 5 years ( when she retired)

Rarely drives
Often gets lost on public transport when coming to visit ( we are 5 trains away)
Doesn’t cook any longer
Tells me she is Constantly exhausted and so busy even though she no longer works .
Struggles to make decisions
Is very negative
Not able to book things online.
Can’t cope with grandchildren
Is permanently stressed

She often comments on how she has forgotten or misplaced things and is always overwhelmed as she has on much to do.

MIL in contrast who is 74 independent and calm and has just returned from traveling in America.

I am concerned my mother is not well. It’s like she is acting 95! She is in good physical health but mentally seems to struggle with everyday tasks. I can’t work out if she is not using her brain enough and has lost confidence or if she has something more going on….

Sounds like normal ageing to me. People are affected differently.

I’m early 40s and sound just like her 😆

At 60?? Not normal at all.

OP - will your mum talk to her doctor?

that doesn't sound normal at all to me (I am nearly that age and many of my friends are 60 or older - none struggle like this). I would be concerned and would want her to see the GP or have a neurological workup.

This is not normal for 60 at all. Bloody hell.

OP it could be many things. Depression, for example.

It could be depression as this is very common and can affect cognitive functioning.

I'm not surprised she gets confused with 5 trains. That seems a lot of faff.

Maybe she has low level iron or a water infection?

Apologies, I didn’t register the 60, just the 74. Maybe I can join your mum at a care home 🤣

That certainly is not normal at the age of 60.

At 60?

I’m almost 60 and I don’t know anyone like this. Could she do all these things 5 years ago? If so, I would be very concerned that there’s a problem of some kind. I mislay my glasses sometimes, which is annoying because I need them more than I used to, but in other ways I’m not any different from a few years ago, and am still learning new skills at work, cooking complex meals, leading a really busy life - and my friends are all similar.

It doesn't sound at all like normal ageing!

OP I'd be concerned about fronto-temporal dementia at your mum's age.

Can you make an appointment for her to see her doctor? You can write to them with your concerns.

Has your DM been checked for an Underactive Thyroid OP?

It’s not normal for 60 but as we get older it’s important to keep our minds and bodies active otherwise aging will speed up.

Maybe she needs something more to occupy her mind.

Im 58 and have several friend’s over 60 and they’re nowhere near this stage yet.

I wouldn’t know my arse from my elbow if I had to take 5 trains

I am 63 and frequently travel to see my Mum, which involves crossing London (two trains/tubes), one long-distance train, one local train and a ferry. I have no trouble at all with the logistics, and that includes reacting to delays and cancellations that I don't know about till I'm en route. If your Mum used to be able to cope with this journey and can't now I think there is cause for concern and she should see her doctor, especially given the other things you mention.

Stress, anaemia, depression, post menopause. Could be simple to remedy, 5 trains I'd struggle with, how can you need 5 trains to get to one destination, young children can be noisy and stressful to be around. Does she get any help from family or friends to cope with what she find an overwhelming situation.

My husband is 56...I would be very, very worried if he was like your mother in 4 years time! I definitely think she needs to go to the GP and get checked over.

Sorry to hear this. My dad deteriorated very rapidly after retirement. He did go on to develop Alzheimer’s but I do feel the massive isolation and lack of physical/mental activity had a huge impact in speed of decline. I hate working but will be working/volunteering to some degree as long as I can….

Yeah, I don't think that's normal at 60, especially if she could do all those things before - if you can get her to go to her GP I would try to do that,

Why was he isolated? Does he live rurally?

It doesn't sound like normal ageing for someone of sixty. But there are many possible causes, some of which can be solved quite easily. I think requesting blood tests would be a good start.

I feel like this at 47, in perimenopause. Last time on a train, lost my phone and had to wait at a station for it to 'come round again' with the phone, was delayed for hours.

It's a bit rude saying about 'losing marbles' with regard to someone's mental health. Maybe she is deficient in B12 or something.

how can you need 5 trains to get to one destination

Easily. Say you started somewhere in Kent and got a train to Victoria, with maybe a bus journey or taxi to get to the local station. Tube to King's Cross. Long-distance train to Leeds. Local train from Leeds to (say) Harrogate. Bus or taxi or lift for the last leg.

The complexity and risk of problems is one of many reasons why so many people prefer to drive door to door.

I think 5 train journeys is a lot and could see it being confusing.

But perhaps, perversely, she needs to do more not less? I think people need purpose to stay young.