To be concerned DM last marbles at 60

[Pinkchickglitterpants]

I love DM but I have become concerned over the last 5 years ( when she retired)

Rarely drives
Often gets lost on public transport when coming to visit ( we are 5 trains away)
Doesn’t cook any longer
Tells me she is Constantly exhausted and so busy even though she no longer works .
Struggles to make decisions
Is very negative
Not able to book things online.
Can’t cope with grandchildren
Is permanently stressed

She often comments on how she has forgotten or misplaced things and is always overwhelmed as she has on much to do.

MIL in contrast who is 74 independent and calm and has just returned from traveling in America.

I am concerned my mother is not well. It’s like she is acting 95! She is in good physical health but mentally seems to struggle with everyday tasks. I can’t work out if she is not using her brain enough and has lost confidence or if she has something more going on….

I was going to say this actually. I would get confuddled and lost if I had to get FIVE trains to visit someone. Couldn't be arsed with that. Why on earth is she getting five trains @Pinkchickglitterpants How far away are you from her?

Could have wrote this myself about my own mum. She is 62 but sounds very similar to yours and also doesn't work. Was lucky enough to stop in her mid forties.
Constantly exhausted, deaf as a post, terrible memory , bald in places amd gets easily stressed with very small and day to day tasks.
I do think a lot of both of our mums issues is that they stopped work early. Work brings many problems but it does keep the mind active.

I had to travel from West Yorkshire to Worcester earlier this year. 4 trains each way.

I've just read your update @Pinkchickglitterpants.

As well as the checks I suggested I'd also recommend talking to your DPs about getting POA for Health and Finance. It's very simple and not that expensive, especially when you compare it to Deputyship. The information is in this link.

60 is very young to be so anxious and forgetful and I can imagine it's very difficult for you to come to terms with. My DM has just been diagnosed with Dementia but she's 29 years older.

Does your DM take HRT? I have a few DFs who have had anxiety and forgetfulness in their late 50s and it's often been much imported with HRT.

This isn’t normal aging at 60. It could be the result of a number of things, depression & anxiety, thyroid, recurrent infections, early onset dementia, has she had a TIA ( mini stroke ) ? She needs a thorough review with her GP to get to the bottom of the issues. Might be something simple to sort with anti depressants or dementia / neurological. Either way for everyone’s peace of mind and your DM safety needs to be checked out asap.

Do you know what medication your dm is on?

Why are people saying a journey using 5 trains is confusing? I’m 65 and can do any journey anywhere, thanks very much! If you can’t remember each leg of the journey just make a note of the route and the train times.

OP this isn’t normal for a 60 year old and she should get medical advice.

The writing things down thing is a little concerning to me. My grandfather had dementia and hid it for a very long time and was masking things by writing stuff down. He seen his great grandchildren most days and was very fond of them but when he was taken to the doctors we discovered he had no idea what their names were. He had become quite advanced because he masked for so long.

I think a discussion and some blood tests would be helpful. My DM has all of these issues except forgetfulness and it's all anxiety related. She tries to control things to pacify her anxiety but unpredictable things like children or travel just completely put her over the edge and she can barely cope with day to day life.

In itself writing things down to remember them is good practice rather than a concern - think of 'to do' lists or shopping lists. It only becomes a problem if you are losing your notes, or constantly having to remind yourself of very basic things .

I was just thinking that I wouldn't find a journey of 5 trains a problem - I would make a note of times / platforms though .

You can see her GP in confidence and they’ll contact her.

I wouldn’t say it’s normal decline at all, we have three people still working for us who are older than your DM, one travels 70 miles and is partially sighted.

Get her seen, if you can, it makes the world of difference. My uncle has dementia, takes medication and it’s managed. My aunt on the other hand went through a period of fright, paranoia, hallucinations, told DM something was happening to her, but we didn’t twig straight away, so she declined quickly after some falls. It was a long, complicated process that ended with her in a nursing home. (She was quite happy there). It is difficult as they are scared, don’t seem to want to face it, (who would). We found adult social services really helpful.

@FictionalCharacter

Why are people saying a journey using 5 trains is confusing? I’m 65 and can do any journey anywhere, thanks very much!

Maybe - just MAYBE - some people are saying 'a journey using 5 trains is confusing,' because people are different, and some people would find it hard work/confusing/overwhelming!

No need to take it so personally. Good for you if you are 65 and can do any journey anywhere! 👏

I would encourage her to get blood tests done because there is probably a perfectly innocent reason for her feeling the way she does.
What is also concerning is that she is 7 years younger than the retirement age for many professions now and the state pension, how would she have managed if she had had to work for another 7 years ?

I am 61 and know absolutely no one who is like OPs mother! I'm friends with many people I have known for 50 years and none of us at all are like this!

OP I would gently persuade her to see the GP. It could be early onset dementia, or one of many other manageable things.

@Pinkchickglitterpants

So sorry OP that you are having this worry about your mum.

An absolute lifeline is a free helpline offered by Admiral: ring up any time day or night and speak to a specialist dementia nurse. Anyone can ring up for advice about a relative, or on their own behalf.

Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline

Dementia UK
https://www.dementiauk.org › how-we-can-support-you

Helpline no: 0800 888 6678,

For what it's worth, I'm a similar age to your Mum and having similar symptoms. The nurse I spoke to said that I may have the beginnings of dementia, but not necessarily. My memory problems could be due to some kind of hormonal or nutritional deficiency or other health problem, or something called Mild Cognitive Impairment which may remain as a bit of a nuisance, but get no worse.

Only a battery of tests can tell for sure and the nurse said that I will probably need to put pressure on my GP to arrange the tests, because a lot of people in their sixties are asking for help with memory problems and tend to get put off until things are really serious. I haven't started the process yet, but I will.

As you can probably tell from my post, I am perfectly coherent at times, but not always. I forget what I'm doing from one moment to the next and have to set multiple alarms to remind me to post a letter or make a phone call or take a cake out of the oven. I also forget words and names more and more. My long term memory is fine but my short term memory very erratic.

If your Mum is scared about what's happening to her, and who could blame her, it could be reassuring to know that you will support her in getting help and making adjustments when necessary.

I hope this has been helpful. All the best to you and to your Mum.

Anyone who turned 60 can deteriorate or die in their sleep or develop old age illnesses - there is not a guarantee against it, nor scientific evidence that the 10 years between 60 and 70 are some sort of magical distance

I had a neighbour, he was 63. One day just fell on a road and died.

Of course people are different. I’m simply pointing out that confusion about a 5 train journey isn’t the norm. I don’t know anyone who would be confused by that.

Seriously? 60 isn't even near retirement age. This is NOT normal for a 60 year old.

Until she is checked out who knows but sounds more like depression to me. I am 58 and when stressed get very forgetful, I am currently as in pain with an awful back issue so forgetful. couldn’t be faffed with 5 trains as I hate public transport at the best of terms and the chances of a shit connection are high. So it’s not that I couldn’t I just couldn’t be arsed. Same with grandchildren, it’s the noise, it does my head in if a long time. So the thought of an afternoon with little children lovely, the thought of a long weekend, not lovely. Ring that advice line for some assistance.

There aren't normal or abnormal things once you reach 60

5 trains away? That’s a crazy journey! We collect my elderly MIL or visit her as we don’t want her to have to get 2 trains.

60 is not elderly though. I work with one Woman who is 68 and she'd have "serious word" with you if you'd even dared to suggest it.

There aren't normal or abnormal things once you reach 60

True, but it will also be normal to work until you are 67/68 until you can claim your pensions.

Me too! I've always been terrible with trains!

Interesting the not cooking bit. That won't be helping.