To be concerned DM last marbles at 60

[Pinkchickglitterpants]

I love DM but I have become concerned over the last 5 years ( when she retired)

Rarely drives
Often gets lost on public transport when coming to visit ( we are 5 trains away)
Doesn’t cook any longer
Tells me she is Constantly exhausted and so busy even though she no longer works .
Struggles to make decisions
Is very negative
Not able to book things online.
Can’t cope with grandchildren
Is permanently stressed

She often comments on how she has forgotten or misplaced things and is always overwhelmed as she has on much to do.

MIL in contrast who is 74 independent and calm and has just returned from traveling in America.

I am concerned my mother is not well. It’s like she is acting 95! She is in good physical health but mentally seems to struggle with everyday tasks. I can’t work out if she is not using her brain enough and has lost confidence or if she has something more going on….

No he stopped socialising with people. Never very outgoing, but at least at work he was around people five days a week.

Is she lonely now that she has retired? I loved retirement at first but after a while I felt really lost. Having all.day to do something like shopping made me dread doing it for some reason.Same with cooking . I would start off thinking oh ,I could make so and so but then feel there is no point.
I also didn't feel financially able to go out very much as money was an issue.
One day I forced myself to go shopping and felt really ill,weak and exhausted. I went to my GP and vit D was low.

I started going out more . Library, charity shops , just a walk and am volunteering.

Think it was the combination of retiring , money and physical health. I can't say I felt confused , more detached and couldn't be bothered. Would she agree to seeing herGP ? . What does she think is wrong or does she think she is OK ?

Is she feeling depressed since retiring? Does she have a partner/friends/activities to do?

You could’ve described my DM. You have my sympathies!

5 trains??

Where is she going, Hogwarts??

Ah right. I retired at 58 five years ago. I do see friends regularly and make an effort to stay connected in my local community.

what does the GP make of it? did she have any tests? I don't think it's normal and booking an appointment would be my first step. Could you go with her. Sounds like she would benefit from having someone with her to explain the impact.

She definitely needs a GP assessment from your description OP.

Eyesight? Hearing? As well as thyroid etc mentioned above.

I get the constantly busy even though retired thing. Was her work very structured, so she's lost without a timetable?

5 trains is madness though!

Not anything like normal at 60. Most people will still be working at that age. Very unusual to have the issues that OP describes if her mum previously managed these things.

My 60 year old mil is like this, nothing wrong with her just acts like she's 96 gotten to the point where you can't show any sympathy or she plays on it.

I am 60 and would be horrified if any of that applied to me or if people were trying to convince my family that was normal and part of aging - at 60! I mean the trains thing sounds like a faff although if she has previously done this route I don't think it should suddenly become an issue. Similarly, presumably she could book things online before she gave up work and now for some reason can't?

What does your mum do with her time - does she have friends, volunteer, do any active sport/dance, have hobbies? Although people do age differently I don't think this is normal but she will age quicker if she doesn't have sufficient interaction with people and stay active.

I must say that seems a lot! Can't you pick her up OP if you are really concerned about her cognition?

My MIL is retired and 70, she's just booked a solo backpacking trip to India.

At 60 I'd be very concerned about the things you mentioned, although the technology thing could be more confidence issues than anything else.

Are her finances stopping her from getting out more?

FFS Why has nobody asked if she has seen a doctor or does she have any ongoing illness?

Are all of these tasks things that she used to do/be able to do?

I do think for lots of these things though that retirement, especially if you don’t have an active social life/community life can cause lots of these things. The less you do, the less you feel able to do. The less you have to make decisions the less capable you feel of doing that, the less you use public transport the less confident you feel about doing so (I’m in my 20’s and find this now as I’ve been driving for years so if you told me now I had to use 5 trains to get somewhere I’d almost certainly get confused/lost), the less you need to drive (no work to drive to or friends to drive to meet) the less you drive and before you know it you’ve lost your confidence driving, the less you do the more tired you feel, if you’re used to living a very slow and peaceful life then of course you’re going to struggle with grandchildren and the chaos kids can bring.

And some of if I think is not wanting to seem she is doing nothing and she may actually feel busy. My gran has been retired for years, she has absolutely nothing that HAS to be done but yet she is literally always stressed about something and is always always in a rush and telling me how busy she is, even when all she does that day is a food shop or cleaning the house she tells me how busy she is.

They have

At the risk of derailing the thread, if you need to travel a long way to see a close relative, it's going to be a complex journey unless you live over the road from the airport at one end and your relative lives close to the airport at the other end and can pick you up. Even if you drive all the way that's a lot of driving. Lots of us have no choice but to get to grips with complex journeys because our relatives move to the other end of the country, or abroad. If you want to maintain a relationship with the far-flung connections that's what you have to do.

It is more likely a physical problem such as low thyroid, low vitamin B12 or D, or depression than dementia at 60. I’d advise a general health check up with her GP with bloods as a first step. Fewer than 1% of people aged 60-64 have dementia. It’s possible but unlikely.

@Pinkchickglitterpants this is not normal for a 60 year old! I am 70 and dont have any of those problems. still driving all over, even down to leeds etc from scotland. I would recommend a visit to the doc. flying down to london for visits and shopping. really, she is not even retiral age. does she live alone or does she live with a partner/hubby?

A lot of what you describe could be menopause symptoms. Some women have very severe symptoms and maybe your mum is one of them.

This was me at 61. I lost my brother to early onset Alzheimers and thought I had the same. To add to the total fatigue, mental confusion and forgetfulness (ie I would struggle to think of DH's first name) I also became even clumsier than usual (two pretty bad falls) and had joint pain and tingling in hands and feet. I became very nervous about driving - and I have to drive a lot for work.

Long story short, the GP did some blood tests which came back pretty poor (she seemed most concerned about lack of B12 and ferritin) to the extent she suspected a bleeding tumour. I felt better on supplements but the bloods were still bad. Several tests later I was diagnosed with coeliac disease. Almost a year gluten free and I'm back to what I was - loads of energy, the pains and tingling have gone. I'm working 50 hours a week, loving my job and feel great.

I have a fantastic GP and if it hadn't been for her I think I would have given up on life. I had energy for nothing and that's a bit of a downward spiral. Encourage your mum to see a doctor.

This ^

I will be 60 in Spring.
Suffer depression anyway but I have noticed I forget words for things randomly, more often than not these days.

The other week I couldn't, for the life of Me, remember the name for garden shears.
Honestly blank

The other things though, I cannot relate to those.

Although different in some of the ‘symptoms’ I could have written the same thing. I find it really distressing to find my mum acting very aged when she’s still relatively young.
There’s some things I’ve wondered if I could speak to her GP about as I’m concerned it could be medication related - is your mum taking any medication?

I live in a very rural area.
To visit my children, I have to take two buses to get to Glasgow, then a train to London, then two tube trains to one of their houses.
Not everyone lives in a city.
I live in a little Scottish village.