To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

Nothing new under the sun in any country, believe me. Rich aunty who raised my friend used to pay her way until aunty passed. Bought exam papers, bribed tutors, you name it

Except the victims of course. I'm sure their are plenty of women and childs around who will someone was brave enough to "grass".

Even the fact all rich people no matter their intelligence all go to the same colleges. LOL. How? By just paying , wether legally or illegally

Surely not all Lord's sons have the same brain for Eton

Because poverty exists, stealing from the poor box is OK?

I'm struggling to see how your position differs from that.

“… part of our fees go to the bursary fund”

So you’re not worried about some justice for this poor child excluded by Polly’s actions.

You’re just pissed because you’re contributing to her fees.

Private education is a 'want', not a 'need'.

This is absolute rot. Receiving a bursary is often very shameful to the people involved, especially when around rich and privileged people. I don’t imagine in a thousand years she would ever say loudly her status, let alone what her nefarious plans were. Receiving a bursary is so stressful and requires yearly scrutiny of accounts. This is not the norm. I don’t believe this for a minute. And if it is true she is one very rotten apple, likely with some major personality disorder (based on your description of her oversharing) who is probably going to end up in trouble over much wider tax evasion.

Polly told you in confidence and clearly trusts you. I’d not be so quick to report her, she will know who did it and create friction. Some people are good, some people work the system in their favour. She’s hardly hurting anyone. I’d say leave her alone.

‘It’s sad, but then many parents are sad fuckers in the independent sector, pity the bloody kids!!’

😂😂🙈’ I wouldn’t pity the bloody kids’. The kids will almost certainly do very nicely in life.

Save your pity for children in poverty or the ones with nasty bitter parents.

That is also true.

If she acts, OP could gain admirers, but she could also lose friends.

In this particular case, I think if I had lost out directly (e.g. if I was on a lower income but had been turned down for a bursary) then I would have to speak out.

But otherwise I would probably just wait for Sports Day, position myself across the athletics track from her and shout loudly, ideally just before the 100 metres final when everyone will be there, "Hi Polly! That's a lovely new dress and those shoes? You look a million dollars! Good job you don't have to hide all that undeclared income from the Bursar and pretend to be struggling any more? Know what I mean?"

And afterwards blame the Pimms tent.

You think wealth = class? Oops

Are they considered for uni funding now? They weren’t 2 years ago.

Your friend is completely immoral. She is depriving a family who genuinely need the money for their child’s fees. Disgusting behaviour. I agree with what some other Mumsnetters have said - wait a while and then report this to the Bursar.

Report her to HMRC - it sounds as if she is evading tax too.

genuinely 'want'

Well yes. But scuttling around reporting people and landing them and their children in trouble is not "aspiring to something better" is it? It's not going to make the world a better place.

I've had a couple of conversations with a couple of friends since the VAT on fees was first mentioned and they've considered taking a loan from parents to do the same.
One does have a bursary, no lying involved

in getting it, her parents finances wasn't taken into account, why would they be?

Now circumstances have changed it doesn't mean she was lying previously

I don't think you should say anything as it would harm the child , the same way I don't think people should say anything for a "benefit cheat" doing similar just to feed their child or have a half decent life .
It's about the kids
She's a dick though

Wow. Nice little saying you got there.

Never mind the school fees - if she's not putting her self employed earnings through the books, isn't she scamming HMRC?

I'm sure the school are used to people pulling this kind of trick. If they CBA to do their means test properly, then they may not care even if you do tell them.

I'd tell her you don't approve and leave it there.

Each school can set their own rules around bursaries. We donate to one such fund and it doesn't take into account child maintenance payments because frankly they can stop or change with very little notice. The partners income definitely wouldn't count either. As for cash payments no one's going to be able to prove that one way or the other. She may have just expressed it badly that she's relived to not have her finances poured over every year. She is allowed to run expenses through her business. All self employed people do this. The school will not challenge her books. They aren't HMRC. They will simply look at her income as declared not the validity of it.

If you go through with it she or someone else will most likely know it was you and this will leave you very unpopular and that could land on your children. If you don't want to be friends with her then drop her but there's a lot of downside here for you to feel righteous when it's not remotely a clear cut case.

i wouldn’t, unless you’re prepared for her to know it was you.

Nice little saying if you haven't matured since the primary playground. I always imagine posters who say that are thicko chavs who I'd cross the street to avoid

Urgh - I totally get why you feel the way you do about this @Reeeeee - I know a family at our school who have several kids on bursaries…the Dad is a self employed financial consultant who ‘fiddled’ the forms…his dwife told me about it (she was proud at how ‘clever’ they were😤) …And they live in a lovely house and have ponies for the kids!!!… It makes my blood boil a little but I try not to think about it…karma/fate will catch up somehow…