To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

You’re misrepresenting your ability to pay though. Most children who have grandparents paying fees pay full fees.

But you of course can’t police that so it’s just the cost of doing business and occasionally a person in your position gets the bursary even though it isn’t strictly in the spirit of the award.

Paying fees for multiple years upfront should preclude your from assistance regardless of who provides the funds.

Presumably you are paying up front to avoid paying the VAT so not really covering yourself in glory.

I disagree re the VAT on private school fees but let's not pretend you paying up front isn't a huge benefit to you and you must be pretty wealthy to be able to do it.

It really pisses me off when people equate working harder with higher salaries, my DC went to private school, we earn decent money but not mega rich or anything, we live in an expensive area also, I find my job fairly easy as it comes naturally to me (accounts), I work from home doing basically the hours when want, long hours but flexible. I certainly don't believe I work harder than a health care support worker but I earn nearly 3 times as much. Obviously I had to work hard at exams to qualify but I work no harder than the next person. There are many people who could work as hard as they are physically and mentally able but will never earn much more than minimum wage.

No, we aren't misrepresenting our ability to pay.

Our school wouldn't let us pay fees upfront anyway.

You might want to think about mentioning this to HM Revenue and Customs while you're at it.

Ane the One Show.

I bet she doesn't pay for carrier bags at Tesco either.

This 🤣🤣🤣

Such charming parents at this "esteemed" school.... sounds lovely 🙄

Let it go. Just distance yourself from her.

If she didn't get the bursary what 'deserving' child would be in with a shout? A young carer? A looked after child with no family who could do with a leg up? A child who works really hard at school despite having to care for younger siblings because their parents are drug users? A child who needs a new start after surviving DV or abuse? Or just another privileged MC kid who's face would fit, but who's parents have aspirations they can't afford? Because if the latter...who cares?

I love the way people think it’s ok to be nasty about ‘private school parents’. Imagine if ‘private school parents’ slagged off ‘state school parents’ in such a generic sad little way. So hypocritical.

I know this sort of thing goes on too. I just refuse to donate to bursary funds as a result. I never said anything, I just had nothing to do with that person again. The thing that decided it for me was that I did not want the other kids to find out that I had snitched for the unpleasantness that would create for my child. Just pretend you know nothing but distance yourself. It would end badly for you and your child.

Oh be honest. You don't really care about some other child being dishonest or about 'cheats'. You dislike her and want to get her back. Her child losing a place at the school, will in no way make you work less 'harder' or improve it in anyway so to tell on her would be out of spite.

She may just be bragging to you.

I'd not get involved personally.

People are so odd these days. How do you know she's told anyone else?

And the school may have looked deeper than you imagine.

I'm no fan of cheats but I couldn't be arsed personally.

In the end, the school did their due diligence and found she earned less than was needed to pay.

At the end of the day, she's a single Mum and is trying to do the best by her kid.

Perhaps she uses that extra money for treats that wouldn't otherwise be available.

It's hardly going to be a huge bung is it? Like it will make a difference of maybe a few thousand. Where I live, frankly, that's a drop in the ocean for school fees.

Keep your nose out of things.

I’d find a way of it being mentioned if an acquaintance, true friend I’d have it out with her.

Well put. Sneaky, snitchy cowards hiding behind morals and principles.
Why would this lady be loudly saying this in front of an audience and yet you want to anonymously tell on her months later? Doesn't make sense does it, as anyone who would have heard her could report her too.

And other people could benefit if private schools gave up their laughable charitable status - so that affects everyone too. I mean really, in the scheme of injustices in the world and what every hard working taxpayer in the country has had their hard-earned money spent on, this is hardly the most important thing. Plough your own furrow, let her and her God deal with her conscience and stop being such a busy body.

And before you leap to conclusions, check yourself because if you've got it wrong, you'll look like an interfering busybody..

Your reputation may not remain squeaky clean either.

That would be the class system dear

She's taken a bursary another child could have used. Tell them how she did it so they can prevent this happening in the future.

Then stop pretending to be her friend then.
Just tell her that you do not approve of what she is doing and distance yourself from her.
The thought of you having lunch with her, smiling in her face all the while plotting to ‘grass’ her up just leaves a horrible taste in the mouth tbh

I doubt your friend is doing better than she was, in my experience teaching in the private sector, some bursary parents are happy with that being their lot, some feel awkward about it and not "up with the Jone's"

I would wager she is just putting this out there amongst her friends as she is doing better now, has had a good deal, but no longer needs "charity", she has left the bursary arena, being paid up in full she can now be one of the full paying crowd.

Its sad, but then many parents are sad fuckers in the independent sector, pity the bloody kids!!

Yep. No-one likes a grass. And if any of what she's told you is in fact true, she'll come a cropper of her own accord eventually.

My goodness what an appalling attitude. Absolute rubbish.

Be under no illusions. If you do inform the Bursar other parents will find out what she has done and they will find out it was you that took the high moral ground / snitched.

I am not telling you not to do it, but you need to be happy to publicly deal with the consequences, including if her daughter loses her place at school and if school decides to pursue her for repayment of however many years of bursary. Or if they do nothing, but everyone knows it was you that (in some people's eyes) tried to achieve that, which could actually be harder to deal with.

Oh, and your own DD will have to deal with the fall out from being the daughter of someone with such high morals / a snitch. Kids can be cruel. Even rich kids at esteemed private schools.

And the chances are the other parent will still qualify, because its just a story, the bursar, the head, and the other parents will look down on you as a nutter when the friend turns out to be in the same fiscal position and has no knowledge of what she said.

This is the problem with society today. The fraudsters get away with it because people are worried about being snitches. In this case it financial but it is the same reason people have been getting away with abuse for years. Be a grown up and report - we left the playground years ago.