To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

This

Goodness.

I've spent barely 5 mins on MN today and this is the second thread I've read that is about possible scams relating to private school fees.

Eye opening.

Report to HMRC. Maybe she would like to pay a bit of tax!

It’s not about ‘rules’ - it’s about having the ability to pay years in advance whilst in receipt of assistance.

Anything else you need to add?

Good to see that parents of children going to esteemed private schools have no more morals than the local comp. Some parents from private schools look down on the parents at the local comp.

So what are you going to do? You don’t want negative effects for Polly’s DD but at the same time you don’t want them for other children. You can’t have both. So are you going to report her or not, or just talk about it?

Don't get involved. I was actually told (in relation to mortgage) to not include maintenance in income as no court order. If she doesn't have a legally binding arrangement she may not be obliged to include it. I wouldn't get involved anyway tbh

It's not uncommon. Our bursar years ago used to handle huge amounts of cash parents earned dubiously. A bursar knows that parents circumstances can change for the better. And parents won't mention it

So are bursaries not based on household income then? E.g. Polly’s partner who lives with her but who is not the father of the DD??

Would it make you feel happier within yourself, to grass an other up for a situation that in reality affects no one but themselves? Fascinating.

Reminds me of the sad bitterness some display towards private school parents in general.

It absolutely does affect other parents as part of our fees go to the bursary fund - for children who would otherwise be unable to attend the school, it is charitable - not for anyone who fancies a discount to help themselves.

Yes, our bursary was based on our household income. But then my MIL paid the fees directly to the school.

There's no way (if this is true) you are doing it because of some misplaced sense of duty. It's just jealousy and bitterness.

She might not have even told you the truth anyway.

Tbh I know of a few people who direct their income elsewhere for a year or so before they apply to a school for a scholarship for their dc

Sadly I don't think what Polly has done is that uncommon.

Sorry, but this sounds dubious at best too. You qualified for a bursary based on your household income yet your MIL is paying the fees??

A genuinely deserving child gets the place. That’s reason enough to speak up. Polly has enough money and can pay full fees.

Grass

It's a private school not a prison. Not sure that being known as a snitch is a "thing". Their fraud is costing you and every other parent at the school. I wouldn't be friends with someone who was defrauding me /

If you genuinely don't want to disadvantage her daughter then you can't tell the school. A likely outcome is that she'll have to pay back the bursary or withdraw her child from the school.

It sounds like the friendship is over so why don't you just tell her exactly how you feel. At least then she might feel ashamed of herself instead of being smug.

FWIW, I can totally understand how you feel and this would be a friendship-ender for me too. My kids go to state school but I have no grudge against anyone who opts for private.

Yes. Of course it's not dubious. Loads of grandparents pay fees. The bursary goes to our dcs based on our income. It doesn't really matter who pays it.

It's not jealousy and bitterness - it is reporting fraud.

It wouldn’t. Don’t worry. They have many bursary options.

Depends on a few factors really. An effective financial assessment is done on an individual basis and the school’s academic or admission policy will play a part.

For example, we don’t enrol pupils where all of those with PR won’t agree.

Both parents are jointly and severally liable for fees so a bursary assessment would include two households.

If a step parent lives at home and they live as a family their earnings would be included.

Other schools have tables/scales/specific academic criteria etc.

Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school.

Do Ye Aye?

There seems to be an abundance of parents around at the moment desperate to protect their privilege without paying for it