To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

If 'Polly' is on Mumsnet, then she's probably already read this. This is on a par with doing work cash in hand, feigning illness at work for a day off, over claiming in insurance, they're all a bit shitty, but we've all done something like this at some point. Are you annoyed that she's done it, or that you didn't think to do it, or that it might have pushed your costs up? Keir Starmer had a bursary for private school as a child, but is applying additional tax to our fees, that boils my blood as we are already paying for a state school place that we are not using. Wish we could afford to send both boys to private, but we just can't.

The only one who will be negatively impacted by this is her DD. So it's up to you really - if you want her DD to be kicked out of the school, go for it.

Also there'll be no record of self employed income, so the school won't be able to prove she's hiding anything anyway

I would concentrate on your own life and children not other peoples!!!

I think you need to check that very big block of wood on your shoulder. Why isn’t private education ok? Please enlighten me. Ok for you to use it but call out others who do. The OP didn’t say she worked harder than other people, she said she worked hard. There is only one word for you hypocrite.
from an ex nhs front line worker
i would report to HMRC anon for defrauding the tax payer

Anyway OP, have you made your decision about your friend Polly yet?

Having read other responses, I think people are right that Polly won’t be the only person doing this and if the school has such daft policies such as not including maintenance as income, that’s their lookout. I wouldn’t report it.

Taking donated money and boasting about it still doesn’t sit right in my eyes, because she knows she wouldn’t receive if she declared her true income. It’s no better than stealing money from a charity collection box.

Anyway, I’d be careful around her in future, OP. She has no problem lying to get what she wants and may do so in other areas of her life.

This kind of stuff happens all time

Maybe she questions it anyway

Tbh, it sounds as if Polly does have the income to send her daughter to the school, that's why she's concealing it! Presumably she knows what the income threshold is and has realized that if she doesn't conceal her actual income, she won't be eligible for a bursary.

She'd rather other people's donations partially paid for her daughter's education.

I'm curious - how did you decide which boy gets to go to private school? That must be a bit awkward, to say the least!

About paying for a state school place that you're not using, just imagine that your taxes are going towards your local roads or hospital instead. I wonder what percentage of your tax is actually going to that state school place, if you could work out what proportion of your tax goes to what service? Probably a minuscule amount!

Mind your own business

Fraud is everyone’s business

Poor Polly. She obvs felt she could trust you and from the sounds of it, Polly may well have additional needs for herself or her DD she has not shared with you.

Also, if you have been the ONLY person polly has told, how obvious to her that it was YOU!! What if polly only said all of that to test wether she can trust you or not?

If i were you, I'd mind my own business OP! If she's being dodgy let the school find out on their own - you sound mad jealous of Polly OP.

I hope Polly stays far away from you

ABSOLUTELY THISSSS!!!

Rename your post to ....Should I Report My Private School Fri-enemy" OP because thats blatantly what you are. Extremely Jealous and You are the epitome of a fake friend.

@Mumof3PrettyBoys You don’t think that Polly’s only told the OP because she knows that what she’s doing it wrong?

The bursary will come from people’s donated money so it’s like us donating to a homeless charity, for example, and then someone who isn’t homeless/insecurely housed using the donations!

more than once now OP!!

MIND.YOUR.OWN!

I really do hope polly is part of this thread. Poor girl might find herself under investigation for no reason at all except Jealousy!!

Crucify Kier Starmer not a single mum doing the best she can her her DD.

You dont want her DD to be disadvantaged, you just want to report her mum which could get Pollys DD kicked from her peers and year group.

Urgh i just can't with evil, NOSEY ppl like you OP.

@BruFord So thank you for your example which of course is a very very bad thing to do and especially in those circumstaces, However Polly told OP in confidence - to me it sounds like Polly was relieved about it and trusted OP to be her outlet

OP's suspitions may well be right, but the system has a way to track down fraud and lets say Polly gets found out 2 years from now - It will be Polly who will have to pay all that money back!! I just feel like OP will be causing an innocent child to lose quality education which I just do not think is the right thing to do.

My stance comes from how all of this will inevitable affect Pollys DD's life, friends and so on and because I once had a similar situation happen to me over a different matter entirely and not related to school or my children.

APPARENTLY (a co worker a lot like OP thought i looked "too pristine" and my car was "too new" for the work we did together but unbeknown to co worker I had only taken that Job a few weeks earlier because I had to stop working as a support worker with Vulnerable children and young adults w/challenging behaviour and my employer could not insure me in the event of a service user lashing out and I could not be without work with one on the way - so I took a lesser risk, temp job (where i met co worker) purely because I was expecting and would be returning to my support worker role.

I was investigated, went through the motions and had to settle with a half hearted apology and "thank you for cooperating" because it turned out to be malicious and of course, untrue. The stress of it while I was expecting my baby was horrific and I just would not wish it or call it down on anyone based on speculations or merely what i think is happening, even if I overheard it. It's just really nasty and rather spiteful imo and not classy at all.

If OP is so rightous she should tell Polly that what she is doing is wrong and leave it there - do not be friends with her and continue to be jealous then bitter, while gossiping or discussing Pollys business to other mums at the school or MN for that matter!!

If OP is so rightous she should tell Polly that what she is doing is wrong and leave it there - do not be friends with her and continue to be jealous then bitter, while gossiping or discussing Pollys business to other mums at the school or MN for that matter!!

@Mumof3PrettyBoys I agree and I said upthread that I personally wouldn’t report her.
I get grumpy about this type of thing as I work in the nonprofit sector and feel strongly that donations shouldn’t be misused. Realistically though, we all know that they sometimes are.

@BruFord Thank You, I totally get where you're coming from and working nonprof sector seeing it daily, it would absolutely pee me off as it really is not fair and even moreso when nonprof organisations tend to do a hell of a lot more from my experiences.

Op is here to gossip, I've seen a lot of comments telling Op to challenge Polly or leave it but you can see from OP's replies to other comments her mind to report polly was made up probs even before she posted on MN! Maybe she's reported Polly already but her conscience is what lead to this post..?

#PrayforPollysDD

Has there ever been a parent who uses private schools come on here are declare they are super rich and hardly notice the fees. I'm sick to deaths of whinging parents that "work so hard and make sacrifices". That's your choice, just give it a rest. You don't have to do it. Just stop bloody whining about it.

The morals of some people are unbelievable - a friend has 2 properties - no mortgages on either and lets one out . She has serval foreign holidays abroad yet She thinks nothing of using food banks / community pantries !

Why is everyone a snitch these days?

You sound like a right shit tbh bitter isn’t even in it 😅

Jenkibubble how does she use food banks without a referral ?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 PHFAHAHAA😅😅 i tried to say it nicely but you are bloody spot on with this @Lobberto made me lmaooo 😭😭😭