To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

OP clearly can’t stand anyone getting help in any way at all if they happen to have more than her!

OP do you think your grandparents should be vetted also for how much they earn/own?

It seems like you think all grandparents should be vetted for income and assets with regards to bursary qualification.

What about great-grandparents?

How many generations should we go back for the sake of your version of ‘fairness’.

Frankly you are bonkers and very very judgemental.

I trust you have led a squeaky clean life so when the doors of heaven open, you will pass through the eye of the needle with no difficulty such is your moral compunction? Have you always led a whiter than white existence?

A true friend, a genuinely true friend would say “look mate, I don’t what you’re up to, nor do I want to know, but maybe keep your voice down because other people might not be so forgiving as me and report you to the bursar”.

Some people need guidance.

Some people don’t.

Help her find her moral compass. Yours is clearly so strong you can spare a smidge and then pat yourself on your perfect back and wend your merry way on in your perfect life.

Your friend is a foolish idiot. But she’s not evil.

What you are contemplating is however, really nasty. I’d say evil, even. You’re about to disrupt a child’s education for the sake of being ‘right’.

Enjoy burnishing your halo. I imagine it’s lonely being that perfectly evil so hopefully it will give you something to do.

It doesn’t impact you whatsoever. Just be glad you are fortunate enough to be able to send your child there

The fact that she feels this is something to boast about would be a show stopper as far as any friendship was concerned. However, as others have said, you can't know for certain what is disallowed and it could all be hot air in her part. She risk ending up looking stupid if it turns out she's making it all up. I'd just distance myself.

The "AIBU to Report my Friend" threads are almost always unreasonable.

Also, I doubt you and your husband work any harder than the majority of people, so wind it in.

She will be far from the only person doing this.

As others have posted, I would tell the school in a few months time.

There’s plenty of couples pretending to split up to hide income for various reasons who probably look down their nose at single parent benefit claimants.

Big deal, get a hobby.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her.

Yes you do, otherwise you wouldn't be planning on grassing her up. Because in doing so, the DD will definitely end up disadvantaged by the negative repercussions that will befall her. Suffice to say, as a result of your actions.

I don't think you're jealous. But I do think you find it appalling that someone poorer than you has managed to get their kid into an "esteemed" posh school and it really grates on you.

How very dare she. This is an esteemed private school, dontcha know!

I can’t believe so many people were so rude about this to the OP. Let’s strip it back. Most people don’t defraud. A school or a tax authority. She has stolen from the school, plus another parent who could have benefited, and illegally not paid taxes. She is a criminal. I would probably report her to both school and HMRC.

This. And this again.

Life's so unfair..........

I don't understand why you would consider someone your friend and then go behind their back and report them over this. It's not like she's murdered someone. Or did you just want online back pat's?

I would report her, not right now but in a few months so it’s not obvious it’s you. It’s so unfair. My friend tried to do the same before and I reported her. She was claiming benefits when she didn’t need them and was also using that government money for private school for her child. Sickening.

I'd be phoning the school and HMRC straight. She's a CF and needs to learn a lesson.

What is the unfair system?

I seriously feel for you. In my dd private school the piss-takers were her friends. I am the only breadwinner in the family, I paid full fees. We had no holidays, our flat was last upgraded in the 1970s, we have only one car, an old can. We also live in a deprived area and had to give up any idea of moving to a nice area because of full fees. My dd's Chinese friends on full bursaries had parents who owned restaurants and even one flat in HK, but they claimed abject poverty and got away with it - I don't know how. My dd did not go on school trips - too expensive and she understood that. Her friends went and made up a story about 'aunts and uncles' giving them money as a birthday/Christmas/etc. gifts. I was furious when I was found out, but kept my mouth shut - my dd's friends confided in her, invited her to those restaurants and their homes, even invited her to HK for a week. She did not go. And then on top of all this, I receive a letter last year from the headmaster (sent to al), asking for money (!!!!!!!!) so they would keep providing bursaries to 'those in need'. I wrote back, saying that their policy of providing bursaries was being abused (I did not give names). I don't know what you should do, but I am still pissed off, because I feel like a mug. Oh, and during COVID the school asked us to apply for 'reductions' if COVID affected our earnings. I had savings, so obviously I did not apply - guess what, a BA pilot applied and got a reduction. I hope all bursaries are stopped - I have no joy for paying for piss-takers. If they want their precious little darlings to go to a private school, they can get a loan or re-mortgage the house, or cut down on holidays or sell their house in a nice area and move to a rubbish area like ours, having made enough for school fees.

Bit of a sore point with me - my ex SIL, Bulgarian, has multiple properties back home, which she rents, she has sent my niece to a boarding school on full bursary, claiming abject poverty, My db forbade me to say anything - and I keep my mouth shut again, but I despise liars like that - they live to defraud.

It's not really your business what other people do.

If it makes you feel good, just do it.
If she told you, obviously you were close friends. If you felt uncomfortable, why didn't you tell her to her face? Why wait and then stab her in the back? I don't get it.

What a nasty person you are. Who needs enemies with friends like you! It sounds to me, Miss High & Mighty, like you're just bitter that she managed to get a cheaper rate than you did. What is it that you expect to gain from this by 'telling' on her other than to ruin a child's chances at a good start in life and to show what a nasty, jealous, envious and bitter snake you are. What a miserable life you must lead! There are worse things in life....like people who are prepared to snitch to feel like they upped someone and in the process destroy an innocent child's life.

The education system. Clearly.

No it won’t

Ah You’re an unhappy bitter person. That’s ok. Private school parents see it all the time..

Just the type of person I imagine would send their children to private school - more interested in themselves than the rules/other people. Sorry OP, but it's probably you that's out of step

Yes private school families are absolutely infamous for scamming income-based child-benefit systems. Massive societal issue 🙄