To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

I understand completely how mad, annoyed, and irritated you feel. I would feel that way too. But for the sake of the blameless child, I would let it go. And spend less time with Polly, as you say.

What's the betting she's not alone in not disclosing financial issues that would prevent her from receiving a bursary. It stinks, but the whole system of private schooling is based on unfairness, in my opinion and that is the issue that annoys me the most.

The only thing I would do is cool the friendship. I don't hang out with people whose values of honesty don't align with mine. I can't bear people who think it's ok to be dishonest and scam the system/nor declare income/not pay taxes etc

I would let this one go - it not worth the time and energy.

It's okay to be jealous.

Mind your business.

So the ratlet race begins .....

Honestly just MYOB. Nothing good will come of grassing her up. The kid will probably have to leave the school and you’ll be known as a snitch

People get away with this appalling behaviour because they can. I would let the school know.
Even if the school doesn't or can't act they may put in place tighter processes or ask for specific declarations or threaten prosecution.

Hi op,

You may not like what you heard but she trusted you with it and as your child didn’t get issue …I would be tempted to « just » not speak to her for her dishonesty and you know cheating the system.
You both see things differently, let’s leave it at that? Why would you want her or her child to be hurt in the process of your justice?

You don’t know why she did it. You don’t know if others are doing it. You don’t want you child to be hated because his mom couldn’t not share her disdain.

Good luck 🌺

Tbh she wouldn’t have got a bursary due to the not having the amounts you’re suggesting she hasn’t declared. Also I’m not sure I believe the post anyway, as I would never describe (and have never heard anyone describe) a private school as “esteemed”…

Typical means ‘majority’ and as most parents don’t get a bursary (we just earn it, and pay lots of taxes which support other people), yes you should absolutely do that.

Frankly, what private schools do with their money is their affair. I just hope as many go to the wall as possible

It will affect the DC most of you tell the school.
I wouldn't say anything for that reason - the child's welfare.

You feel your friend is behaving dishonestly, agreed, but, and I mean this gently, that's the extent of it.

Telling the school about it achieves nothing positive for anyone, including you and your friend's blameless children.

I can't recall where I heard it, but I've often returned to the following guidance:
Does it need to be said?
Does it need to be said - by you?
Does it need to be said by you - now?

Nothing needs to be said here, however much you feel aggrieved. Her financial position with the school is not your business on any level.

Probably means it's one of the really good ones, like Sherborne, Marlborough, Dragon School, Radley, Stowe, Bedales, etc.

Quite easily with cash in hand!

This

You clearly only want reply’s that support you dropping her in it, the only reason you have for this is spite and jealousy that she’s getting something you’re not. Stop being so petty and look after your own affairs and mind your own business.

Snitches get stitches made me laugh. The world is such. I would just leave it as the only person that would be at a disadvantage is your friends daughter.

Self-Employed income is recorded in HMRC under a NINO and sent to all benefit departments and schools with finding supplies as an RTI. They will know! However, if she has not notified HMRC of this income, then not only is she scamming the school, she is committing tax evasion!

In a nutshell - Everyone telling OP to chill is subsidising people like Polly with their own taxes. Tell her to chill when your tax is increased again because of Fraud.

You can and should report her to the school and the fraud hotline.

It depends what her discount is. An extra £30k a year would not affect lots of bursaries at £45k a year schools.

Are you Polly?

😂

It’s £1,000 a month. Nothing really compared to the cost of your ‘esteemed’ school fees.

LOL!