To report my private school friend?

[Reeeeee]

I have a friend, we will call her Polly for the purpose of this thread. Polly and I both send our children to an esteemed private school. This term, we were given the option to pay fees up front, which we both did. Polly gets a sizeable discount for her DD as she is part of the bursary scheme at the school. This morning, Polly and I were discussing the Fees in Advance scheme, and she gleefully told me that she no longer needs to hide her income from the bursar as she won’t be assessed again. She admitted she has been hiding maintenance from her ex (over £1,000 a month) as well as self-employed income.

I do not want to see her DD disadvantaged or for any negative repercussions to befall her. However, I feel livid that my friend has scammed the school in this way. My husband and I work incredibly hard to send our DD to the school and it’s not always easy, we have to make sacrifices and go without. Suffice to say, I won’t be spending time with Polly again.

People are definitely stupid to say what they do.

If you're going to fiddle the books, don't tell everyone!

I did hear about a man who was receiving more benefits then he was entitled to. He was withholding some information about income from the benefits office.

He told a lot of people.

Someone reported him and he was quickly called in.

He has to pay it all back

@GivingitToGod morals and values have everything to do with decisions we make in life including whether to use private education for our children.

Afforded by the privileged few.
Your post suggests that people who choose to send their children to private school have different morals and values than those who don't/ can't???
Unless I have misunderstood?

A lot of people choose not to send their children to private schools because they don't believe it's morally acceptable to have a two-tier, class-based system whereby some members of society are privileged over others.

Some people who believe this send their children to private schools anyhow, despite believing it to be unethical, because they have concerns that their children will suffer otherwise where state options are limited.

Very few people, who can afford private, send their children to state. I know some do. But not many. More people probably say they can afford private but chose state.

Totally agree

I know quite a few who do, no reason to think they're lying about income. I agree more who can afford it probably do, though.

Thank you. What is needed is investment in state education to ensure that transformative educational opportunities are available to all, irrespective of their financial status. I am aware of some excellent state schools (several family members work in education). I attended an excellent state school also.

What kind of 'friend' are you? Don't snitch.

This is stealing in my eyes plain and simple.

I’m amazed that the very fact she’s able to pay fees in advance hasn’t flagged a concern with the bursar. Surely having any amount of surplus cash around shows they don’t really need significant help?

Sarcasm noted, but I have one child in each so only fight and swear every other day.

Why are you coming on here asking if you should tattle on your friend? It does seem like you aren’t friends anymore because of your moral high ground. Why not leave it at that? What goes around comes around!
if you do report her I hope you sleep well when her daughter is excluded from the school.

What type of friend is she? Just some mum friend you met through the school that you don’t really have a meaningful relationship with? In that case snitch on her, not about the ex maintenance part, that’s non of your business but to the school, she might be denying a child a place who genuinely can’t afford it. She sounds like a bit of a douchbag bragging about it anyway. However if she’s a true friend you value, she’s been there for you in the past etc etc. then say nothing. Where’s your loyalty? Real friends don’t grass each other up

I would anonymously report. This level of entitled and let’s be honest, deceitful and fraudulent behaviour, is the lowest of low. I also would unfriend in every way, would have no interest in sharing a second of my precious time with that. Simple. Maybe she would even taken my blocking and ignoring as a sign if my disappointment, although I strongly doubt it.

If she's hiding her income from the school, she's probably hiding from HMRC

Perhaps she needs an audit? 🧐

I would leave it OP. The school assessment system has failed and that is their problem, not yours.

This is exactly what I was going to say . Maintenance isn’t considered when it comes to means testing or bursaries ( I had the same with my sons private school
at primary age)
Either way I get why you’re annoyed, she sounds selfish But wouldn’t you do anything for your child?
I definitely wouldn’t report her, that is so bizarre in my eyes. The bursar would probably find it quite odd too.

If she's only told you, then it's bound to come back and bite you on the arse if school tackle her about it. She sounds a right "smugger" bragging about skimming the school🫤

Private schools tend to be thorough in asking for documentation so I doubt she got away with anything they cared about. My son's school only assessed me on the basis of the household income that he lived in, i.e. my ex's income was irrelevant, since I assume they do not want single mums to have to rely on (possibly abusive or neglectful) former spouses to determine where the kids go to school. If it really bothers you, I would confront your friend about it rather than snitching on her, which would only display your own bitterness and jealousy.

I’d just leave it.

She has been sneaky and behaved very badly. And stupidly to gob off about it.

That said, what do you think the school will realistically do? Nothing probably. They’d be silly to do anything actually, based on your “evidence” which actually amounts to nothing at all.

I know someone making "tons" of money from a beauty business, I'm talking tens of thousands a month. Loads of it is cash and she's not declaring this. Shall I grass her up?

I think plenty of schools and bursars don't really give e a shit who gets their bursary etc. as long as they can make it look ok from their end.

you sound jealous and bitter

Ooh get you with the retro Stasi vibes.