To think stay-at-home parents have it easier than they let on?

[bappening]

I'm tired of hearing stay-at-home parents complain about how hard their day is. AIBU to think that working parents have it harder since they have to juggle work and home life?

Have you been both? If not you can’t really comment. Even if you have, everyone else has different skills and strengths, so one person’s hard is another’s easy.

I was a SAHM for 9 years and have just gone back to work. It’s much easier - DH doing more around the house, time with the kids is much better quality, a whole new side of my brain is being used, I no longer have endless days of child-based and requests merging into one another.

I am SO glad I got to stay home for so long, overall it really was a pleasure, and if you can I really recommend everyone stay home while their kids are tiny. But its own special sort of slog.

It isn’t a competition that you have to win or lose. If you are not happy with your life, try to do something about it.

Having done both for extended periods: it depends on the children, their ages, the job itself, the commute/travel, and the general circumstances.

tell you what I’m sick of though, is people who get up on their high horses making sweeping generalisations because nuance is something which escapes them.

It is way easier and it’s a privilege denied to some

Depends on job and child. Nhs job no time to go to toilet or eat and literally running from one patient to next...yes i found it easier at home with one child who slept for two hours. Office job which I've also done a lot easier than being at home with a child.

Currently on maternity leave. Dealing with the general public at work is much easier than looking after a two month old. And at least I had days off! This shit is 24/7.

It is a bit. And if its not that its somebody fretting about the cost of living if their iincome is only £250k a year. And somebody else has only chicken bones and 50p to feed them for a month.

Salmoney
I drop him to the train which is at quarter to 7, collect him off half five train so he’s home after 7. He cooks. Not crap, just busy, he does stuff in the house at the weekend but the kids gravitate to me for help because I’m there all week so I’m the one called for!

I have done both.

I was a stay at home mother from when my daughter was born until she was full-time at school. Since then I have worked full-time.

The hardest period was working full-time from when my daughter started school until she was about twelve. It got easier when she was less dependent on me.

I don't know why anyone thinks being at home is harder. I didn't find looking after a baby/toddler/small child difficult at all. She never needed constant attention and I was able to cook, clean and do all the household chores and still have plenty of time for myself. I even taught myself to speak French.

When I first started work, I still had to look after my daughter when I wasn't working and to my shock and horror, the household chores don't do themselves either. In fact, it's more work, because you are having to catch up with the things you used to do during the day when you weren't working.

I have considerably less time to myself even though my husband takes an equal since I have been working.

Boobygravy

yup, but the main dh problem is that his commute means nearly 4 hours on top of work away from home!! We are having problems but not to do with house stuff, sadly just life!! The money thing is that I can’t afford anything because we only have the one wage but when I work inevitability I get phone calls from the school because two dses are asthmatic/ have allergies. Look, I shouldn’t have ranted, I’m lucky in so many ways, I just hate the comparison thing, I hear enough of it in real life. Just trying to find a job at the mo and life is sketchy- relationship issues

With young kids you are definitely busy. My friends kids are grown up. But she forgets how we all running round in our weeks as she not working... Sometimes its hard everyone wants a piece of you when you work.

I’m a sahm and in my case I think it’s easier, though I haven’t worked since having my son so I can’t directly compare.

He goes to nursery 9-3 for 2 days a week as of last month, but for his first 3 years our days comprised going for walks, baby/toddler classes, playgrounds, play dates etc. we’re in London so often go to the museums, kids theatre and it’s been great fun. Much easier and stress free than my job ever was. I’ve really enjoyed the time spent with him. Some people would find it mind numbingly boring though and I imagine they’d probably prefer working in that case.

I recognise that I have one easy toddler (he was an easy baby too) and my job was really long hours and high stress; though it did set me up for being in a position to be a sahm.

I'm tired of hearing how people couldn't possibly stay at home as they'd be sooooo booooored.

But each to their own OP, just you do you and I'll do me.

And we're off ......Goady post then fucks off

Well I can certainly say I'd find it easier being a SAHM than being a surgeon doing emergencies for 24 hours and then on call and needing to be within 30 minutes of a hospital. Thankfully not a surgeon.

But I can also say that I found office work with scheduled breaks and lunch on the house much easier than currently being a SAHM to a high needs autistic school avoider with separation anxiety, I can't remember the last time I went to the toilet alone, never mind without being cuddled to death while I'm trying to do my business, and last week DS even tried to pee in the toilet while I was sat on the toilet 🙃 and it didn't go quite as planned. I definitely found peeing in a toilet in the office a lot easier even if my breaks were scheduled. And dont get me started on sitting down. I used to hate being sat down for hours on end in an office but life taught me the grass is not always greener because if standing up was an Olympic sport I'd be representing England. Every time I try to sit down I am standing back up again.

As for working with the general public I'd say it's on par with being a SAHM. My autistic child screams, shouts and screeches at me all day because they have an unmet need, and so did Joe Bloggs who called because they had a mild inconvenience and felt it needed a disproportionate resolution. Had to use my gentle parent voice with every one when I was a working mum, and occasionally had to use my loud voice on everyone when I was a working mum.

So really I think your generalised statement is a bit daft really because I would love to dance around the house in a pinafore dusting the cabinets and making crudités and sandwiches for lunch, and occasionally whipping the hoover round to gather those cheeky little crumbs but instead I'm absolutely fighting for my life with stress levels like I just got airdropped into a warzone.

I have been both. And for me staying at home is so much harder.
for others it may be differnt but for me it is much harder.

Really depends on a lot of things doesn’t it?
Children at home nope, all children at school yep maybe.
All mine are at school, but I have children with significant sen who one has a 1 to 1 full time and is so unpredictable I can be called at any time.(last year they were very part time).
A job you love can be better then being at home depressed and lonely.

Context is everything.

I've no idea how easy or difficult other women find their lives OP unless they decide to tell me, and neither have you. I'd like to think that all women have the most rewarding and least difficult lives their circumstances allow. Unfortunately I know they don't, and thats the only thing that really needs discussing, not some manufactured competition between us.

Obviuosly its probabky easier in general but
Depends on number of under 3 who dont go to nursery.
Then how many are school age.
But almost most important is personality of dc and whether they have SN.

Mine both had asd.adhd which was worst pre 3yo. But then for eldest 3yoat preschool was also a nightmare of little chats. And school even worse. Until at least y2.
Having a runner olus another kid. Or one who touches everthing everywhere. Will not sit at rhymetime or at children centre. And moves around like a whirlwind.
Also d didnt cope with before of after school clubs so working would have been very tricky.
Then there is homework. The 12yo i tried to get her to do homework from lunchtime sunday it should have taken 30min max. It too about 9hr!

Youngest never slept more than a few hours at once till 3.5yo.

What bugs me is SAHM who complain but it's actively their choice to stay at home. If I had the money not to work, I wouldn't. However, I work to provide for my child so I have every right to complain about juggling everything.

And those that use the excuse of childcare being too expensive to work is BS. We get so many free hours now. Even if you only work the free hours, surely that's better.

I wonder how many SAHM still ship their kids off to use their free hours?

Whereas working Mums are juggling childcare drop off/pick up, commuting to/from work, actual work, dinners, housework etc.

Why does it have to be a competition, @bappening?

I have done both, and both had difficulties, problems and stressful parts. With work, yes, juggling work and home life, and nursery hours that weren't flexible and didn't cope if my job (operating theatre nurse, so unpredictable end times) ran over. When I was a SAHM mum, my mental health suffered because I was getting so little interaction with other adults, and most of what I was getting was with other mums, so was still focussed on the children. Plus it felt like every day was the same, and no matter how hard I worked, nothing changed.

As mums, I think we should be supporting each other's choices, not niggling about who has it the worst.

This again.

If the kids are in school then yes

I used to think this before I had a baby. Now I am back at work after maternity leave my life is so much easier. I get to be with normal functioning adults 5 days a week which allows me to be full 100% fun mum at weekends. I would go insane as a SAHM. I watched it drive my own mother to depression as a result of loss of self and worth, I refuse to let that happen to me. I have so much respect for women that do it.

I've been a working mum and now a SAHM, and yes, not working is much easier for me. I've been a SAHM for 2 years (my children are now 2 and 4) and I love it. Honestly I don't know anyone who complains about being a SAHP, most people just complain about their jobs. I imagine someone would complain about how difficult it is if it wasn't their choice to become a SAHP (like if they couldn't afford childcare if they went back to work). But then some people will complain about everything, just ignore them if it annoys you so much.