To think stay-at-home parents have it easier than they let on?

[bappening]

I'm tired of hearing stay-at-home parents complain about how hard their day is. AIBU to think that working parents have it harder since they have to juggle work and home life?

Goady fucker is as goady fucker does. No change there.

I’ve done both but when I worked I only had one child but had a demanding, physical job. As a SAHM I had 3, the youngest only a year apart and the eldest with disabilities. So for me being a SAHM was 100% harder. Absolutely no time for myself at all and a husband that worked 7 days a week.

There's also the whole identity thing, like who am I without my job? Am I "just" a mother?

All my relationships are an extension of my mothering, whilst when I was at work I had colleagues and we talking about stuff that was nothing to do with my child.

Money is tight too. Feel like we're constantly worrying.

I didn't go back to work because I didn't think she was ready for childcare and then when she was ready we thought, let's have another and here I am. And although it soothed my anxiety to be with her because I deeply felt that was the right thing for us, it was still a thankless sacrifice for me.

I remember going back to work amd thinking bliss can drink a cup if coffee without a yelling baby.

Who cares who has it harder? Is having a hard life some sort of badge of honour?!

I am not sure whether this is genuine or sarcastic funny text.

obvs everyone's situation is different. Personally I would go mad being at home all day with kids, and the lack of financial independence would really worry me.

Oh there's a hierarchy of real vs non real SAHMs now is there?!

Oh, heck no. I stayed at home for 18 months and 100 % it’s much more difficult than clocking in and out.

At work I don’t have anyone that needs me every second.

I certainly found it quite a doss when I was a SAHM, but I was extraordinarily bored.

I don't find being a SAHM "pure drudge". Working certainly was though. I was in a senior role. Hours of life spent in tedious, endless bloody meetings. What a great use of my time on this earth that was.

I was a SAHP. Much of it with two children with 9 year age gap and very different demands, two or three overseas A level students that we hosted for the local sixth form (because of our children’s’ age gap it was a source of income for me whilst being able to be at home for our youngest) and a husband who worked away all week for several years. Mostly solely responsible for keeping, decorating and maintaining a large, old, listed house (we couldn’t afford handymen, etc.) gardens and half a dozen pets (dog, cats, guinea pigs, fish, stick insects 🤣). We did have a cleaner for a period of about a year which was fantastic but had to cut costs when youngest started part-time nursery at 3 so she had to go.

I mostly enjoyed it but having worked in office situations for many years prior to children, it was much, much harder physically and emotionally than going out to work.

I have been a full time working mum, a part time working mum and a sahm....

When the DC were very little, actually being at work was easier...but I had a pretty easy desk job! The difficult part was the logistics... getting DC to childcare, picking them up on time and fitting in housework.

Does it matter?
It's not a competition.

This has been done many times, and I usually avoid posting on these threads.

I've found being a SAHM for the short time I did it very easy. In comparison to working full time. I'm now 4 days a week work and it's a bloody doddle.

I feel like I have a great balance and a clean house which I never could manage working full time or being at home.

Staying at home full time was boring unless we were always out, but even that gets repetitive and expensive. I also lacked motivation to get things properly 100% done around the house because I always seemed to have time, especially when dc was at school. But somehow managed to faff it away.

Working vs being at home means engaging your brain in a totally different manner. They are different kinds of tired and stress. You can't really compare them. Also, everyone handles things differently.

Personally, although I don't have to work, I choose to for many reasons, one being my mental health.

There's no way you can clean everyday for 6 hours a day unless you're in a mansion or have the filthiest house in the UK. Fitting in school runs and home/school admin has never been easier. I often sort these things out in the bath on my phone. Tech has made life so much easier.

But everyone seems to be a martyr and the amount of self-sacrifice on display is just cringe.

Working vs not working to raise a family is often a choice. You either do or don't or something in between. I say it's often a choice because there is state welfare to help with living costs and childcare costs. Choosing not to or to go on UC is a choice. Sometimes, in order to work, you may have to rely on UC.

I'm tried to be goady, just putting it out there. It's always easy to look at others and be envious or even thankful of your personal situation. Ultimately, if you're not happy with it then change it or accept it. But stop moaning and let others live their lives.

Aren't there quite a lot of jobs with lunch breaks? Shops, many admin roles, receptionists, coffee shops. Those that can't manage at least 45 mins off are usually either higher earners with packed schedules or else working for the NHS. Haven't worked for yrs but any job I had gave me an hour for lunch. I didn't always take it if I was engrossed in a task I wanted to finish but I was considered strange for not taking an hour regardless. As for the toilet, I've never known anyone at work being prevented from going. Stuck on reception, in operating theatre and a few other circumstances may limit this, but the bulk of the workforce can fit in trips to toilet. Time between meetings, and sometimes during meetings. When tradesmen come to my house the first thing I do is show them the toilet and many take up the offer. Hot drinks? Don't like hot drinks so can't comment.

I think OP is just winding people up, but anyway

where are these jobs where you have time to drink a hot drink, go to the loo when you want and actually have a lunch break! I could really do with getting one of them!

What job do you do that doesn't allow you to do any of these things? Do you have very poor management? I recognise that some jobs have to have fixed breaks, so not everyone gets to go to the loo when they want (though I'd hope that exceptions can be made as sometimes it can't wait). If you are working a certain number of hours you are legally entitled to breaks.

Hugely depends on whether you enjoy your job, whether you enjoy doing the domestic stuff, and on how easy the child/children.

Mine certainly was then. It was much nicer, no work stress, less money but we managed. It was lovely taking our time on a daily basis, spending time together. I didn’t find my children tricky though, i always thought they went with the flow. Then again, if I had a tricky day and hadn’t done the housework or made dinner or whatever, dh would step in when he got home. My job was to look after the children, housework done was good but not a must.
I always tell my children I’m very grateful I had that time with them.

Well this thread has been quite validating for me😅 I'm a stay at home parent to one toddler and it is the most wonderful thing I've ever done but my god it's hard work - way harder than when I was working full time. Constantly having to think of interesting stuff to do, keep on top of the inevitable chaos, never having a break. My work day is 7am - 8 or 9pm and there's always still chores to do once DC is in bed. I'm constantly knackered. I'm absolutely sure that working full time when you have kids is also exhausting in a different way. It's not a competition!

Depends on the age/needs level of the children and how many children you have. And the stress level of the job.

I left a very stressful.job with a long commute earlier this year and have been looking after DD6. she's obviously at school but even in the holidays it was less stressful than work. If I had multiple kids or high needs kids I imagine my experience would be different though.

I think it’s perspective. I did 13 months and loved it. Hate juggling work and childcare now. Do wish I could stay home full time parenting. A luxury I wish I had. However, I don’t feel you can really judge people for moaning it’s hard, or who don’t necessarily enjoy it. After all people moan about work right? The vast majority don’t have the luxury of working the career of their dreams and dread work. Maybe not every day. Also the stay at home parent lark are long shifts 😂 much longer than conventional jobs, no unions, no strikes, no employee rights haha! It’s just one of those where mind ya business and just let people moan man. Kids can be twats. House work can be tedious. I love it. Not for everyone though and that’s okay

I am currently on mat leave, so I will be going back to work.

However, I love being home with the baby. Well, maybe love is a strong word... but I prefer it over work.

It is hard being at home with the baby in some ways... but, on the other hand, I also hate small talk and being around a lot of people, so I find work much more mentally draining.

I think possibly after a few months I will be happy to go back to work. But for the moment, I'm really trying to lean into motherhood and enjoy these fleeting moments with little one.

It all depends though. For one parent with difficult kids, pets and house maintenance it could be non stop work. For another parent with one easy child, an easy attractive house, money for quick lunches, and a partner who is home at 5 o’clock every day being a SAHP could mean hours of free time each day for playing an instrument/films/books etc.

Everyone is different.

I've been both. For me, being a SAHM was a piece of cake. OK, maybe a bit tougher than working without kids, but infinitely easier than being a WOHM.

Other people will find things easier or harder because we aren't all the same.