To think stay-at-home parents have it easier than they let on?

[bappening]

I'm tired of hearing stay-at-home parents complain about how hard their day is. AIBU to think that working parents have it harder since they have to juggle work and home life?

I was a SAHP by choice) It was hands down easier than the job I’d had before. But I assume I SAHPd wrong because I only “ran around” after my children very occasionally (such a weird expression) and generally had loads of fun.
Caveat. My children were NT. I had enough money, a car and was happy to make friends with other mothers.

I’ve done both. Swanning off to work to handle a high-stress account was definitely easier than wrestling two obstinate toddlers.

It's just different. It's obviously less stressful being at home with 2 healthy, NT small children than it us going to work in a stressful role (and I work PT freelance because we need it) but one doesn't get paid for it which is stressful in itself.

I have done both. My SAHM experience was with a newborn ( who was in and out of hospital for a few to years) a 21 month toddler and a 3.5 year old. It nearly broke me. Were had one car which DH used to get to station. If I needed the car, I had to get 3 babies up and changed and into car to drop him at station for 7.30. So I tended not to! If I got a bus anywhere I would have to hand my baby to a complete stranger to try and get pushchair collapsed and my other 2 would wander off down the bus.
I did not get any housework, laundry or other jobs done until DH was home and all 3 were settled in bed.
My busy work life in the NHS was a walk in the park in comparison!!
So, these debates are a bit pointless as it depends on how many children, what ages, their health, your finances generally, and what your actual job is.
It also massively depends on your personality and whether you are someone who hates your job and always wanted to be SAHM, loves your job but enjoys being SAHM, loves your job and hates being SAHM but had to from financial POV etc etc
I love my job but also never wanted my kids to go to nursery or childminder so DH and I muddled through with condensed hours for him and me being very part time around his hours, with some family support until all kids at secondary school when we both worked full time.
So I WANTED to be a SAHM and never found it boring but it was far more stressful than I could ever imagine. Only stayed same by having far lower standards of tidiness than most and my DH eating main meal at work so I could eat with the children and not have to cook again in the evening.

You can't really generalise as there are so many factors which affect each experience!

I enjoyed maternity leave to a point but to be honest, I was quite isolated (live rurally) and although I went to a group in the village, I didn't really make friends. So, most of the time, it was just me and DS.

I actually found going back to work beneficial- I could use my brain again, speak to adults, have a lunch break! I taught in a sixth form college at the time so not an easy job by any stretch but I enjoyed being back.

For some, money will also be a huge factor. If you have the money to go places, go for coffee etc it will be very different to someone who doesn't have spare money for those things.

Basically, I think both options have their challenges - neither is easy.

I think it’s impossible to say. I was 37 and in a very demanding, high pressure career when I chose to be a SAHP. It was a joint decision with my very long term partner. We had a comfortable place to live, lots of friends, no money worries, two cars. Our children had no health or behavioural concerns. Our families were supportive. So of course being at home was easier than being at work. For me. Everyone’s circumstances are different, though.

They have it way easier, and they aren’t making society wonderful by doing it

You'd have to be hulking around a hell of an ego to think you were the person making society wonderful.

What does that even mean ?

people who stay at home often tout that they are raising ‘good people’ and this is an asset to society.

Yes, they probably are raising good people, most people do. How they choose to spend their time with their children is up to them.

@Blueskies3 still don't get your point (and I have never heard anyone say that).

No, they are not raising better children than the women who work and have children.

Who said that?

Yes, this exactly. When mine were too young for school then SAHM is much harder but once they can go to school, then the working parents have to play catch up with housework, homework etc and it’s harder to juggle in my opinion and experience. But it’s also not a competition and my friends and I don’t speak about it as we’re all have different values.

I always think it's just work in a different place. You're either working at home raising children or working in a job. There's about a thousand factors that can make one easier than another and it gets tiring reading thread after thread after it.

I've stayed at home for brief periods between jobs and find working full time about a thousand times easier and more relaxing! Everyone is different!

I was a stay at home mum because I had both the means and inclination to stay at home and spend an abundance of time with my kids. And I bloody loved all that time. It wasn't an act of sacrifice or an engineered plan to hot house my children to greatness - it was a pleasure.

I do think that the lack of time pressure probably made my life and my children's life easier. I'm completely on board with making life easier where it is possible though - I'm not trying to win a competition.

Being a stay at home mum must be great in the sense that you can go to the gym whenever you want

The gym?? I couldn't think of anything worse. I guess we're all different.

Where does the child go?

I'm willing to bet SAHM is mentally much harder. There's no doubt WOH is physically draining but you do get time away from parenting and the space to be you (as much as you can in the work environment, anyway). SAHM sounds absolutely relentless, day in, day out.

I'm the same.
I've never been to a gym in my life (not including school days obviously).

@IVFmumoftwo

if they are school age then they’ll be at school.

if younger than there are gyms that have crèches attached.

@Needmorelego @ByMerryKoala

i know exactly what you mean! It’s just that exercise is a necessity so I guess it’s irrelevant whether we enjoy it or not

I just walk everywhere for my exercise 🤷