To think stay-at-home parents have it easier than they let on?

[bappening]

I'm tired of hearing stay-at-home parents complain about how hard their day is. AIBU to think that working parents have it harder since they have to juggle work and home life?

My ex was a SAHP - when our DS was school age, yes it was easier than my stressful job and the guilt of not being a SAHP. I would have swapped any time but didn't have the choice. Genuine question I would say, but MN majority is mums so maybe wont get a fair 'hearing'!!

This poster has never posted before, if I've searched right! Just trying to antagonise people.

It totally depends! How many children? What ages? Any ND? How proactive is their partner - do they share the load? How big is the house? What meals do they make? What activities do the DC do?

A SAHP of one school age child is very different to a SAHP of 4 DC all under 4 for example. Or 2 home educated ND DC. Or a 3 yo at home on 15 hours a week preschool plus 8 and 10 year olds with a really intense schedule of extra curricular activities or sports after school and at weekends.

Also depends on the personality of the parent - I work 3 days a week but find organising and motivating myself to do housework/cooking etc with a 3 yo around (plus 12 yo after school), both of them creating more mess at times as well as keeping DD occupied a bit and spending time with her, pretty hard going. Other more organised people would probably do much better than I do but we muddle through!

ETA I've also never heard SAHP complaining.

It very much depends on the children and the age of those children, as well as the personality of the parent. If they're all in school it might be so easy it gets boring for some people, whereas others are always busy. It would be much, much harder with younger children.

If they have school age children - yes, without a shadow of a doubt.

Toddlers? I think the challengers are pretty equal, though with differences, between working and sah mums.

I’ll get blasted for this but yes I think it is easier. I’m not saying it’s not hard being a sahm, it absolutely is. And you can’t say it’s not hard work for them either.

But not having to meet deadlines, targets, get up on time to get to work would make life easier. My daughter is hard work but at least if I was a sahm it doesn’t matter if I can’t get out the house that day.

Trying to juggle full time work with raising a child and keeping home somewhat tidy and everything else is fucking exhausting. If I could be a sahm while my dd is young without jeopardising my career and without a worry about money I would do it. but it’s swings and roundabouts.

Before everyone tells me I’m wrong, I’m not speaking on behalf of everyone. It’s just my personal thoughts.

It very much depends on individual circumstances, there is no blanket yes or no answer.

I'd say yes staying at home is easier but I'm comparing that as a working full time single mum. Don't get me wrong they both have their challenges but I'm not going to get fired if I load the dishwasher wrong or I'm late to the park.

It really really depends. 3 kids under 5? Ooft, no thanks, I'll take a peaceful day at work.

I've been a working mum and a SAHM. There were hard days with each. It doesn't need to be a competition.

I didn't go back to work and my life was easier once the kids were school age.

They're adults and teens now and I have a pretty easy life not working.

We all know that 'admin' is such a hard thing for sahp's, and its the thing that takes up most of their time even when kids are at school

working on an oil rig? Nope sahp much harder, fireperson running in an out of burning buildings? Nope sahp much harder

🙄

Depends on the sahp, the job and the dc 😂. For me, maternity leave was the most relaxed, stress free time of my life and I loved it. I certainly didn’t go back to work for a rest.

You clearly have a dh problem.

100%, yes! It is much harder to juggle going out to work with having kids.

I only did that for my first 2 kids. It was the unaffordable cost of childcare that saw me give up work. (No help at all back mid 90s)

I then had a year of no income which was hard money-wise (DH worked but no minimum wage back then either so we were literally living on egg and bean diet) but of course i had lots of time with the kids and, yes, very easy.

I then had a 3rd child and going back out to work was out of the question with childcare costs.

So, i re trained as a childminder and that is totally the best and most compatible job for being at home.

Definitely much easier than going out to work and of course cuts out your childcare costs so, on balance, pays well.

I then had 2 more kids and made a full time career out of being a Mum, childminder and housewife.

It was Soooo much simpler. Easy for DH too. All he needed to do was go to work. I did everything else.

As well as admiring women who manage to hold down jobs outside the home, my heart goes out to them. Sometimes their kids spend more waking hours with me than with their own parents. And that is sad. Some Mums i can see would much rather be at home with their kids than pay me to look after them. It's such a huge sacrifice - i am thankful every day that i was able to stay home and watch my kids grow up.

I was working so not quite SAHM - but it has been very easy and enjoyable.

There's always a new generation coming along who haven't seen or heard this type of discussion yet. I've frittered 18 years away browsing Mumsnet and I'm so aware now of the issues that bubble up repeatedly in people's lives usually Mum's. I had the critical ex who didn't see childcare or housework as his responsibility, despite 3 years as a SAHD.
This forum was a godsend.

WOHMs obviously have it far easier :- they don't have to do any DIY, leave work to pick up sick children, or do anything except waft around in their smart work gear, going to the gym and drinking out of one of those pretentious big cups and gleefully racking up promotions and pay rises. How lazy.

Part time WOHM/SAHMs obviously have it far easier: they don't have to commit themselves fully to anything, they can dip in and out as they fancy, they have independent money AND the chance to loaf around in their PJs all day, they can spend all their time off going to coffee shops. How lazy.

SAHMs obviously have it far easier : they never have to get dressed, they can lie on the sofa all day (after they've fed their children cereal and Pop Tarts) and they are Kept by their long-suffering husbands. How lazy.

So easy to throw a few assumptions and unimaginative opinions around. Quite good fun, actually.

What does it matter if they do? I’m sure we’d all like the easiest life possible. There’s always someone with a much harder life than yours. So many factors go into what makes it hard. Far too simplistic to divide people into 2 categories. You do what’s right for you and your family, don’t waste energy comparing

Shouldn't you be working, sounds like you got to much time on your hands 😬😬.

Contentious topic. I was a stay at home mum for 7 years to two children 15 month age gap. There were times where it was tough, frustrating and lonely, however also rewarding and had some magical times. I went back to work part time after 7!years and then transitioned to full time. There are pluses and minuses to both. Once the children were in preschool and school I had luxury of gym visits, lunch with friends and plenty of time to myself albeit in the constraints of time of pick up and drop offs. Personally I got a bit lazy at times as a stay at home mum as there was alway another time to do things. Working meant I had to be far more efficient with time (my kids are now grown up).
personally I think I would have found it really stressful getting out her house in the morning to get kids at nursery early to then do a full days work to then be clock watching to race back for nursery pick up, then do dinner, baths etc and when older homework. Being a stay t home parent you can move at a slower pace.

The issue is you have a crap husband who is rubbish whether you're working or not.

Well that all depends on the family.
SAHP with newborn triplets, a terrible two toddler and an ADHD 5 year old will have a very different experience to one with a single, calm and generally content child.
Same with work.
A heart surgeon for premature babies is going to find work much harder than someone that works as the person who changes the posters at bus stops.
😂😂😂
What a strange thread to start.
As said....we haven't had one of these threads for what - 3 minutes 🤔

Close your ears then.

Day to day grind - probably harder as a SAHP because it's relentless and often quite physical.

Juggle, keeping all balls in the air, guilt of going to work if your kids are unhappy - more difficult.

I am the main earner and have a professional job where I need to be 'on it' at all times. This can feel extremely difficult if you've been up in the night with a sick child or left one screaming at nursery/the school gates. You have to worry about your kids AND work so it's double the mental load.

Anyway, harder or easier is an entirely irrelevant metric. When women work then it's usually because that's the best solution for their family and when women forgo paid work to spend that time taking care of their children, it's because it's best solution for their family. Sometimes women have a choice and then the metric will be a matter of which option they would find most rewarding for themselves. Usually it isn't a matter of which option would allow them to do the least.

So usually ease or difficulty is neither here nor there and if somebody is finding wherever they have landed hard or difficult then I think it's fine to have a good moan occasionally.

Nope. I've done both...my job is very stressful but nowhere near as stressful as staying home with young kids.