To think stay-at-home parents have it easier than they let on?

[bappening]

I'm tired of hearing stay-at-home parents complain about how hard their day is. AIBU to think that working parents have it harder since they have to juggle work and home life?

I work part time and the 3 days I'm in work are a hell of a lot easier than the 2 week days I'm at home with my toddler!

It depends. I have 5 dc with disabilities and very little help from grandparents etc. I'm a SAHM and 4 of the dc are at school which is a lot easier than when they were younger, but still a lot harder than when I had 1 baby. I used to envy some working mums who get to have sick leave, maternity leave and bereavement leave while their dc were looked after in childcare when I just had to carry on. But now I have most of them at school and college then I have a bit more free time myself. And of course some mums have jobs that are completely inflexible so they have to work while ill or bereaved. And their parents won't look after their toddler while mum is on maternity leave with number 2. Also some sahm's work incredibly hard, cooking everything from scratch, immaculate houses, doing a 2 hour school run, making costumes for the nativity play and volunteering for the pta, all while rocking a refluxy baby. And some sahm's have a cleaner, get food delivered and slob around watching daytime tv.

Honest to fuck women could take over the world if we weren't so hellbent on being in constant competition with eachother over who has it hardest in any and all situations.

I've been both, both have their perks and both have their challenges.

There are way too many variables!
In this specific moment in time yes, I would agree with you that I would have it so much easier as a stay at home mum than a working mum. My DS is in primary and I have to juggle two million activities, remember so many things (PE, books, lunches, playdates, sports, clubs, medical appointments, dentist, optician, you name it) on top of a highly demanding full time job and trying to live up to some basic standards of cooking/keeping the house/managing life/a partner.

Isn't that the truth.

i think it’s normal now for us just to moan about everything and how we all have it harder than the next person. If I see one more thing on socials about how hard people have found kids starting school and impact on routine I will go bonkers. Here’s a thought just get in with stuff, do what your doing and mind your business.

I have to say I've never understood why some SAHPs find it so hard, but then we did have a live-in nanny, a part-time junior nanny, a housekeeper and a cleaner when mine were little, which I'm told is not the norm.

Now that the kids are all off at boarding school and I'm back at work (volunteering), I must say I do find it a bit of a juggle. We've recently had to increase our housekeeper's hours though thankfully our nanny has stayed on to walk the dogs and watch the kids in their school matches and shows and that sort of thing, otherwise my husband would have to take time off work.

And the hols are a trial! Even our wonderful nanny finds it difficult to cope so we've been looking into residential summer camps for this year.

I've done both, being a SAHM is easier because you don't have to add in 40 hours of work plus 5 hours commute.

Thats 45 hours saved so of course it's easier.

The two situation each have its own challenges. Each individual pair of a parent and a child have their own challenges. Some find being at home harder than others.
On the whole I do think that being at home on your own with a childe or multiple children is harder for most people than going to work.

As others have said, there are so many differentials here. I had a 3.5 year old(now diagnosed with ADHD) 2 year old, and new born. New born was unwell for years until having several surgeries. I now work in a very busy NHS clinical/ management post and it is nowhere near as stressful as those years. First year with 3 preschoolers was pandemonium. But when oldest began school it was almost harder as she threw out their sleep and eat routines initially as was on half days only for a term. I honestly don't know how I survived but I do remember on occasions phoning my husband and insisting he leave work and get home as soon as he could. On one occasion, all 3 kids were sick at same time in different rooms. Not happy memories.

I’m a self employed single parent. I work full time, and have the school holidays to myself. I find during the school holiday, being a full time stay at home parent, delightful and easy. My home is spotless during those time periods, I get a load of backlog and organising done, and I am still doing bits of work prep but generally life feels mellow. My kids get plenty of quality time with me, and I just love it. I can’t argue whether it’s harder to ONLY have work responsibilities or ONLY have full time parenting duties as most of the year I am doing both, but I certainly find my life easier when I am focused on the parenting and home life, with work pushed to one side for a few weeks. My general schedule is very full on and hectic as I juggle various roles and attempt to keep the home and kids ticking over. I imagine if I didn’t have to work, I would find being a stay at home parent incredibly easy, because of what I’m used to. Equally if I had someone at home to do all of that, and I just had to work 9-5, I’d probably find that easy also. Doing both alone is tough. Not sure it matters what is “harder” the ideal situation would actually be one working parent and one stay at home parent who is focused fully on the children and home. I believe this an ideal that not many can aspire to nowadays with the cost of living, but for many reasons I believe it’s the best way for the children and family life

I'm a SAHM. (Or was, I now home educate.)

I honestly don't know how working parents do it. You must be constantly exhausted. And that probably sounds patronising, so sorry.

I'm also exhausted, but at least there are many days where I don't have to look presentable, smile at people, interact and sound intelligent. I just have to keep my smallish humans alive and fed, and make sure they're doing their work.

It is harder, not because they have more to do, but because of the sheer dull domesticity of it. It is isolating when your only company is preschoolers. Naps trap you in the house. There is no external validation of your worth. No opportunity to better yourself or gain promotion. No pay. No career. No colleagues to chat to. Your world closes down. There is no break - you are followed into the toilet. You can lose your own sense of identity. So many parents in this situation have told me how lonely they feel. And it is not something that you experience from a single day or week with your child. It is something that wears you down over months.

OP, are you or have you been a stay at home parent?
My guess is that if you are a parent, you are a working parent who perhaps resents having to go out to work?

Yet another SAHP baiting post. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Totally.

Is this some goady, inadequate journalist?

Or a WOTH parent who wants to show off how speshul they are?

Or a bloke trying to wind up the wimmin?

Bloody hell, untl women stop attacking each other's choices, we'll never win either way. So depressing that people can't find more interesting or enlightening subjects than stirring up the usual bunfight.

Must try harder.

I was a stay at home mum when my DC were little and hands down it was the best time of my life.

I hate working and missing out on being able spend time in the holidays with my dc and trying to catch up on all the household shit when I finish work.

I used to work full time, in a managerial position with a large team under me.
It was piss easy compared to my life now.

I've just had my 10th baby and am now a sahm.
I am responsible for all my children's safety, doctors appointments, assemblies, other school events, 5 of my children are ASD and require regular appointments for that plus my ASD toddler has several SEN toddler groups we attend because we don't qualify for free nursery hours yet and it's the only way we can get him the stimulation he needs until then.

I get zero help from grandparents (the same people who I seem to remember being more than happy to get help with us when we were kids but now have a "I've done my childrearing" attitude when it's come to their turn), I don't live anywhere near any friends as our delightful landlord issued us with a section 21 last year and we had to relocate.

I'm going on three hours sleep today, I'm constantly unwell, I sometimes forget to even eat until the evening because I'm so busy, no handy lunch breaks for me.

But yes. My life is a walk in the park because I don't have to arrange childcare for school hours.
I sit on my arse all day and overplay how hard things can be.

I realise I have a much larger family than average, but a lot of what I face in a day is not specific to a large family. It's standard day to day business for a stay at home parent.

Maybe read less of the Daily Mail and you'll realise just how ridiculous you're being, OP.

I definitely think they make their life sound harder than it is. Most SAHMs I know have their kids in school all week and have the cheek to say how do I get stuff done working full time on top… how do you NOT get stuff done?!

I was a SAHM. it was definitely easier and I loved it. No rushing to pick kids up from nursery plenty of time to see friends and time with my kids.

The two commenters beneath me clearly weren't doing something right if they found it that easy 🙄

It’s a different kind of hard. SAHMs are unpaid, undervalued and their work is endless and monotonous with no start or finish time. Mums who do both, do both. So they’re tired too. Can’t we just say that all mums who make the effort are amazing? We aren’t in competition.

Such a deep question - has anyone posted about this before? While we're on it... does anyone have any strong feelings about boarding schools?

Just the one post starting a thread about a contentious POV?

Hmmm... seems like we have an epidemic of those lately.

Never been a SAHP because I never wanted to be totally reliant on another person financially. However I cringe when SAHP list out what they do all day
and make a big thing about putting on the washing machine, unstacking the dishwasher or doing school runs.

What on earth do they think the rest of us are doing re this tasks!

And dont get me going on the women who want to go back to work after a number of years at home and put they are CEO of the house or put organising skills at the heart of what they do. Thing is I am more interested as to how some people work AND are parents. For me its key that your partner (that you choose!) takes on household chores too. If they dont well maybe you didnt choose wisely.

Just going to put my tin hat on btw!