I feel like I already know IABU but hear me out, or at least help me get over it….
myself and DP been together 7 years. Have a couple of cats and a house together, no children. We love each other very much, we’re very rocky through Covid but we both agree we’ve been in a good place since. The reason for that was he’s self employed and is really busy always working from home, so when I was working from home it got a bit much with all the added pressures of the time, and both of our MH was a bit shot.
Overall we have a lovely life together and can afford some luxuries, very fortunate but we both work extremely hard - however he is a much higher earner, but never gets a break. Working til 11pm most nights etc. he tells me often he loves me, and I trust him completely.
We have spoken lots about getting married, he will openly chat about ‘our’ wedding so it’s definitely not one sided. Says he wants to marry me. However by nature he is not a planner, everything gets left to the last minute (a lot of why he’s working so late), he leaves me to plan holidays etc, he rarely even makes a restaurant booking unless it’s to go out with clients, and he always asks me to find somewhere and book it. He gets easily overwhelmed but you’d never really get that if you were just meeting him down the pub. I organise everything, and he’s happy to let me do it and it usually works out fine.
anyway I have a birthday coming up, and we have both spoken in the last 6 months about being engaged by then.
We are away to a very posh hotel in the countryside next week for my birthday, a very indulgent purchase (we both went halfers on it), especially for not a big birthday. However I know how crazy work has been for him recently, he’s had to work at weekends almost every weekend since we came back from holiday in July. We have a joint bank account so I know he’s not bought an engagement ring, he’s been to football and the pub at night a couple times but hasn’t been near a jeweller, and then tonight I was asking him if we should have my birthday dinner in the hotel restaurant or book a highly reviewed restaurant nearby.
He just grunted at me to book whatever I wanted, so I then asked if we’d be going for a walk etc, so I know if I need to replace my walking boots, and he said to plan whatever I wanted, he’s not had the time but happy to do whatever. I know this sounds like a ploy, but I know him, he has nothing planned.
I’m miffed!! Was chatting to a friend about it saying he’s clearly not going to propose even though I was expecting it, from the fancy hotel and our chats prior, she says to wait and he might pull something together at the last minute. But I don’t want the last minute!! For once it would be lovely for him to put some thought in. Scared to approach him about it in case I seem desperate, but I am a bit.
I don’t need fancy jewellery or a big grand gesture, but just something that proves he’s done a bit of planning for once…. Am I being totally unreasonable?
of course if he does propose I will look like a massive twat, and if he doesn’t I’m sure I’ll still have a lovely weekend but will still be a bit disappointed…. Just don’t want to resent him!!!