To ask millionaire partner to agree to this term in ‘prenup’

[junohername]

Plan is we will be cohabiting and planning this move in the next 12 months after my dd finishes secondary school.
I won’t uproot myself or my (older) DH without some kind of security I want no claim on any of his assets -I’m a broke single mum with a small home in my own name (which I plan to rent out) I’ve had years of making ends meet and that’s fine by me.
I will pay all expenses towards my dc food/car etc and dp will pay mortgage and bills -
in case the relationship should break down I want written into an agreement that I have 6 months to relocate - I may have to sell my house if we settle in the new place (Dd will be at college etc) and an assurance we will not be kicked out
He thinks this is too long and wants me to revise the terms
Long term he would like for me to work for his company - I want to remain independent and work outside of the business again to cover myself in case our relationship goes south
I love him- he’s a good man- 3 years in no red flags but my divorce was hideous and I think ironing out everything before is sensible moving forwards
I don’t want to worry my family by asking them (they’d be my go to usually)
any advice would be great received
We would be moving to a beautiful area for a fresh start (lots of trauma here) and it will be a beautiful big home so in that respect it will be better than where we are.
I do NOT want to ever marry again so I’m guessing rather than prenuptial this would be a pre cohabitation agreement drawn up legally

I am concerned that OP will lose benefits, or house, if she moves in with him.

Whereas there may not be any negative financial, or otherwise, risks for him, if he lives with OP.

I'm obviously missing something. OP will be living rent and bill free with her BF so why can't she save as an escape fund some of the rental income she'll be getting from renting out her current house?

i won’t be making much money by the time I’ve taken the tax off and paid the monthly letting agency fee as my interest rate went up massively when my mortgage product came to an end.

I agree with @TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe and all the pp who have said this.

Even if you just break even with renting your own place, you should still be profiting overall since you’re not paying mortgage/rent or bills in the new house.

So assuming you find work - why wouldn’t you be able to save?

You don't sound grabby. You sound really sensible. It's so good to think these things through BEFORE you move in. Maybe you should think about a vague 5 year or 10 year plan.
If you stay together long term then for tax purposes you probably should get married.

That's still her responsibility.

Well, I moved straight out of a million pound house into the refuge. My 5 year old with me.
There was a 2h argument (him being controlling and refusing to back down) and then the next thing we were on the streets, our possessions in bin bags.
He had the guts to come and try to play a saviour in the temporary accomodation!

I have my own house now - I'm not ever selling it to move in with someone, I will never co-habit with anyone in my house and most likely I will never co-habit with anyone anywhere full stop.
The lot that I already have is much better than 10% of a dream.

So yeah, DO plan for an abrupt, nasty ending. And hope the plan won't be used, ever.

Its good you have recognised that this is an unequal partnership. It is incredibly sensible for both you and him to have reasonable expectations if you decide to call it quits.

I can see it is you relocating which is a burden, however I think you are being unreasonable to expect to stay in his house in the case of a break-up. I would go with 10K pot idea (how you get that 10K you can discuss) so he has also invested some capital into the relationship.

Marriage is essentially a contract anyway, and having expectations means that you respect each other and are in a relationship because you want to be not because you have to be.

I'd say 2 months to secure new accommodation and a relocation fee to cover deposit and first months rent (so probably a few thousand)

Whilst you are living together I would continue to work full time, if you are only paying for yourself and your dc expenses you should be able to save too for your future. Make sure you build your pension pot too.

I would let him treat you to a yearly holiday if he wants to once you live together.

It wouldn't be my cup of tea, so transactional (including the DP telling her he'd want her and her DD out in 2 months 😱gee thanks!) but in the situation @junohername finds herself in, practicalities probably have to be considered.

being a millionaire in 2024 isn't actually that much of a big deal, you can own one property in a reasonable area and some savings and be a millionaire.

You’re in a similar position as everyone else in this country (having to pay rent or mortgage) but you’ll be in a better position because you’ll be renting yours out and it will essentially pay for itself.

I assume you work FT and so if you’re not paying your mortgage (because the tenants are paying it) and you’re only paying half of the bills on your new place, then financially you’re laughing.

You will easily be able to save up every month, to ensure you have savings in case you were to break up.

If you can’t afford to keep your current home and rent it out for whatever reason, then sell it and keep the money in a savings account.

You seem to be playing poor, when you aren’t and that’s a bit of a red flag.

It may just be because you’re trying to explain yourself in this post but you’ve described how poor you are vs how rich he is several times and it’s making my alarm bells go off when it comes to his motives and the dynamics of this relationship already.

He does not owe you security.

You should absolutely have an escape plan but this is your responsibility, not his.

Its not only selfish to expect him to offer you security if things go wrong, but it’s also very naive - if he turns out to be controlling or abusive, then there is absolutely no way he’s going to do right by you if you decide to split.

You are already relying on him way too much and although you’re being very sensible by making a plan before you move in, I think some of the things you’ve said makes you sound quite naive/vulnerable.

I’m not saying break up with him or don’t move in but there’s obviously quite a big power imbalance already (so it’s great you’re being so proactive and sensible) but I would just tread carefully with this one.

Many people in the SE could be considered a millionaire if you add up the house values.

The important factor is an imbalance of assets, however small.

It's your long term future you need to consider and what happens if he dies (young, or old.) What's he doing with his Will? Is this part of your conversation?

You need to plan long term. What happens to his estate? Would you have to find a house of your own again- would you relocate back to your old house (as it' s not in the same area.)

These are big questions.

You may think it's all decades off but people can die young so you need a back up plan.

FWIW I relocated to when I married my DH. I also gave up my job . I was adamant that I'd not live with him as I'd be putting myself in a precarious situation. I'd not have been able to afford to buy where he lived (he already had a house he was buying and his earning power was far greater than mine, despite us both being grads with professional jobs.)

I know you don't want to get married again but it gives some financial protection.

I agree with the PP above ^^ that it's down to you to create an escape plan and not expect him to manage that in any way.

If neither of you don't want to be married, that comes (in your case) with the risks of having to start over again with no share of a joint assets.

You do have a house - which is great- but of course it will be a long way from where you're moving to with him.

If it does turn nasty, the simple facts are you could have to rent an Airbnb long term , or a short term rental of 6 months, till you can get your tenants out and then decide what your next move is.

Neither of you will want to be cooped up together for 3 weeks let alone 3 or 6 months if you decide it's over!

You can't demand a 'relocation fee'!!!

I agree.

I think the fact that you call him a 'millionaire' in your subject line is revealing. It's a little 'over dramatising' - or that's how it comes over.

In your head it's a really 'big thing'. You could have just said there was an imbalance of finances.

I'm what could be considered a millionaire yet I never even think of myself like that as it's common place when you add in property.

Do not work for him and live with him. Thats full control of your whole life handed over, a terrible idea. Please maintain some independence and ensure you always have access to your own money.

Spot the idiot.

I do a trial 6 month move in before renting out your property. Moving in with someone when you have kids is very different to dating.

@mewkins it's not a demand it's a negotiation. If op moves she's giving up her home , moving her children to a new area and essentially building a new life. Op and her children have a lot more to lose here . It's about ensuring she will be ok should they split. If she is able to save enough money she may not need it.

My DF's partner lived with us for over a year when they broke up. I'm not sure why. She wasn't on a huge wage. Possibly she had to sell somewhere or she had a DD under 18 (not living with us). Originally she left the DD living with the exH or husband she had left.

It stopped them both moving forward and was quite a wierd time but it all worked out. I wasn't there so can't remember details fully. They weren't married, no prenuptial, but DF is a reasonable person. I'm sure he used to send her money for some time after. She had moved hundreds of miles to be with him. It was his fault it broke down for reasons I won't go into.

If he won't agree then you need more money saved as a back up.

Not really...she is able to live rent free and her bills paid so it should only take a few months to build up some savings. Or she may already have some in reserve. She still has her house as a back up so is not destitute. I can't tell from OP's posts whether she has a job lined up in the new area. I think this is the biggest risk. I imagine it's easy drift along intending to get a job but somehow not if there aren't bills to cover.

I also can't really tell if there are other children involved.

I think the issue here is really moving your child when you aren't sure if the relationship will work out. No amount of extended tenancy will limit the impact of that.

That’s changed now - Google it.

I really appreciate what you have said- this post has really struck a chord with me. I am very damaged from the previous relationship but I don’t want that to shadow and stop my future happiness with DP- he’s such a good man and has been so supportive over the last few years.

Google still says they're not automatically enforceable. Also they tend to focus on division of assets. I can see how they are taken into account in a divorce court but who would uphold the terms of a cohabitation agreement? I think that the cost of enforcing one would outstrip the cost of 6 months of rent.

I think if you're going to be a family, that means merging finances a bit. Maybe keeping your own savings but pooling finances for other things on a sensible basis.

If your kid is about to go to college, do you mean a levels/btec etc, or uni? I think it makes a difference if your child is old enough to earn a living and potentially move out within a few years. It's different for an 18 year old or a 5yo!