To ask millionaire partner to agree to this term in ‘prenup’

[junohername]

Plan is we will be cohabiting and planning this move in the next 12 months after my dd finishes secondary school.
I won’t uproot myself or my (older) DH without some kind of security I want no claim on any of his assets -I’m a broke single mum with a small home in my own name (which I plan to rent out) I’ve had years of making ends meet and that’s fine by me.
I will pay all expenses towards my dc food/car etc and dp will pay mortgage and bills -
in case the relationship should break down I want written into an agreement that I have 6 months to relocate - I may have to sell my house if we settle in the new place (Dd will be at college etc) and an assurance we will not be kicked out
He thinks this is too long and wants me to revise the terms
Long term he would like for me to work for his company - I want to remain independent and work outside of the business again to cover myself in case our relationship goes south
I love him- he’s a good man- 3 years in no red flags but my divorce was hideous and I think ironing out everything before is sensible moving forwards
I don’t want to worry my family by asking them (they’d be my go to usually)
any advice would be great received
We would be moving to a beautiful area for a fresh start (lots of trauma here) and it will be a beautiful big home so in that respect it will be better than where we are.
I do NOT want to ever marry again so I’m guessing rather than prenuptial this would be a pre cohabitation agreement drawn up legally

Will his income be counted toward your Dd's college costs. I thought it was household income so she can get finance and maintenance loans

Any arrangement you make may not be enforceable legally but an informal agreement might set your mind at rest, if your partner seems like a basically honest person. But if he doesn't mind you not contributing to expenses for a year or two, you might save up enough to move out independently if necessary, then you needn't worry about it. Hopefully this won't be necessary and you'll have many happy years together.

Totally disagree: I think people should be more cautious and consider what it would be like to split from someone before they move in together or get married.

I think there a more than a few envious people on here OP.

I think you and your partner should visit a solicitor together to see what your options are as there may be reasons on here why various suggestions just aren't workable.

I think you sound sensible, not grabby. Yes you'll still have your own property but you're moving to a new area so won't be able to relocate at the drop of a hat.

I'd be looking to make sure you can stay in tye area you're moving to, if it goes tits up at any point.

Glad you've met someone lovely after such a shit divorce and time (I'm still in the thick of this)

Good luck!

TBH I'm not sure that having the word 'millionaire' in the heading does you any favours here. (Green eyed vipers around!)

It's not clear if this figure is the value of his business or hard cash in the bank.

But it isn't really relevant.

The same situation would apply if he had only £250K and you had £30K in assets.

It's the unequal finances that are the point.
How does it matter if it's a million or just simply more than you have?

You're going to be in the same situation as anyone who moves in with a partner who's wealthier than them, either with a home as their asset or money (or both.)

I know someone else mentioned this but longer term you both need a serious discussion over who inherits what.
Has he children?
When he dies - which statistically is before you- what happens then?
Would you be homeless in your old age?
He'd also potentially lose a lot of his wealth through IHT if it's not passed onto a spouse.

Have you talked this over?

Good point!

It will definitely be counted towards college costs, although colleges don’t offer a lot of help apart from bus tickets and FSM which OP will be able to afford now.

It will also count towards uni costs and that might be where it hits DD the hardest as OP will need to fund it for her.

Very good point!

Also as @Lavenderflower said, could you hold on to your property for another 6 months or so.

Relationships tend to all be great, until you move in together and that’s when you find out that it sometimes doesn’t actually work.

Living with someone, especially when there is a child involved, is a lot different than being in a relationship and living separately.

No no no OP you need you own solicitor. His solicitor works for him, you need your own who will be working for you and will be looking out for your best interests.

also hope you know prenups in the UK are not legally binding. If in instances it went to court the judge would take it into account but the terms could be set aside.

I have children not a child I refer to DD because of where she is in terms of her education and us relocating around her timings.

These posts are just what I wanted.
Again. Thanks

Ignore all the grabby comments, these people are idiots. if you didn’t have a decent contingency plan you’d be a shit mother. I think 6 months is too long though, I co-habited with my ex for 5 and it nearly broke me. But I agree a plan to rent somewhere near enough not to have to wrench kids out of school until you get sorted/a pocket of money for such an eventuality is a very good idea. I hope you get something sorted that works for everyone. Good luck with this new chapter! And fgs let this man treat you if he wants to. I’m the higher earner in my relationship and it feels great to be able to treat my hardworking DP to holidays and nice meals as I know she’d do the same if the tables were turned 🙂

Valid points yes.
He has no children and no siblings sadly.

Oops wrong thread...

How many kids do you have; are they minors? Do you intend to have children with him?

I wouldn't give up my autonomy and be asking a man for cash. If I couldn't do this whilst ensuring my own security, I'd just stay in my own house for the time being.

I agree with you@Boohoolol best time to agree what happens if you split is when you're in love and everything's amicable. Agree it, forget about it and hope odds on that it never matters.

@junohername I hope you're all very happy and I don't think you come across as grabby at all. We've all read enough tales on here about women who are in an awful situation when a relationship breaks down, but also plenty of relationships have a smooth and pleasant road.

I hear that you've had a bad experience, but from what you say, would it not suit for you to marry and have a pre-nup protecting the assets you both bring to the marriage? After all, you wouldn't be even contemplating living with this man if it was anything at all like your past relationship.

Best advice is from people like @GrumpyOldGran get up to date and fully informed legal and financial advice about both of your positions and how everything affects your DCs.

No one is discussing marriage here

This. And bear in mind that the UK legal system works in favour of the person who can afford to spin it out for the longest time. Build up enough savings to be able to rent somewhere decent at short notice- that’s your security. And I absolutely agree with you that you shouldn’t go and work for him. Keep your source of income independent of your relationship.

I have no helpful advice op but I think you sound incredibly sensible. Too many women leave themselves totally vulnerable where men are concerned. I would keep your flat & save as much as you can as you go along.

Maybe this is a daft idea but I'll throw out there anyway.

How about you talk to him about your fear of an acrimonious split if EITHER one of you decides things are not working. Telling him you would not want either if you to suffer if it did.

Then suggest opening two bank accounts, one each, and depositing an agreed upon equal amount as an emergency fund. What if things went wrong and he was in some sort of cash flow crisis at the time. It would provide a safety net for you both. If nothing goes wrong, you'd have some fun money at some point.

I don’t think she can afford that.

I know you said you don't want to marry again, but it may be the simplest way of establishing your new family unit, and it does sound like both of you want to live as a family.

Whether married or not, I think you're being very rigid with a 50/50 split of all outgoings, including holidays, it's reasonable to split spending proportionately to income, and reasonable to let him pay for a holiday, if he wouldn't get to go with you otherwise. This would enable you to build up your savings, which would be your running away fund.

I don't think there's anyway you could legally require him to fund you if you broke up, and I think it would be odd to expect him to give you a lump sum when you move in, in case you want to leave him at some stage.

Don't sell your house OP. Keep yourself secure. Let home come up with a plan that gives you and your daughter security.

I see no reason why he should give her any cash.

Why is it his responsibility to come up with a plan to give her security?

None of this sounds legal, and if you have to go to this length anyway it sounds nothing like a decent relationship

Why’s that his job. She’s a grown up, it’s her kid, she is perfectly capable of providing that security.

This