To uninvite family after sending save the date?

[CranberryHedgehog]

I used to be super close to my Aunt. We sent save the dates ages ago (think we got really overexcited 🙄) and invited my Aunt and Uncle as I really wanted her there. We then felt obligated to invite my cousins, my Nan and my other Aunt & Uncle. Since sending save the dates our circumstances have changed. We've had to change the venue which means substantially cutting down on day guests, we've also had a lot of change personally which means we don't want to be spending as much on a wedding. I haven't seen my Aunt in ages and any time I try to reach out I barely get anything back. I also rarely speak to the rest of the extended family. Would we BU to say that due to a change of circumstances unfortunately they are no longer invited?

Yes! You've told them not to book anything on that day for a very long time! That means they've likely turned down other invites, or chances at doing other things.

Sorry but you sent save the date which is basically an invite!

That's really weird! No one I know replies so a save the date you reply to the actual invite.

When you send the invitations out state unfortunately we have have to reduce numbers due to the venue change. I hope you can understand and please accept our apologies that we now cannot extend the invite to the wider family

But...it is bad form after sending a save the date ... could you just imvitevthwm to the evening do?

But...it is bad form after sending a save the date ... could you just imvitevthwm to the evening do?

But how would you feel if you'd saved the whole day only to find you could walk to the local pub in the evening?

So so rude. You can’t just uninvite people. How awful

Why can you not book a holiday? The Save the Date presumably isn’t saying “It will be at some point in summer 2026, so don’t book a holiday to be on the safe side”. If you get a Save the Date for 25 July 2026, surely you could go mad and book your holiday for 27 July? It’s one day - I can’t see the problem.

They seem to be a thing now. Many people send them out ton people they plan to invite to their weddings with the date but no venue etc. So they don't book holiday and are free to come to the wedding. People who receive a save the date can expect to receive a wedding invitation

@Notreat my parents received one about 3 years ago for a wedding today. In the end the happy couple got married a few months ago at another venue and are just having a party today. Dm was stressing that she couldn't plan a holiday because she had agreed to save the day!

Dm was stressing that she couldn't plan a holiday because she had agreed to save the day!

Couldn’t she have booked it at some point during the other 364 days of that year?

I was given a Save the Date once for the wedding of a friends daughter... . But then never got invited to the wedding... it wasnt a thing when I got married - and I don't see the point in it.

Tbf they can't just walk to the venue anyway as they live too far away but I get your point.

To give a general update, inviting to the day isn't an option. We're just having immediate family and bridal and grooms party, that's it. We don't have any more room due to fire regulations on the venue. We can't afford the thousands extra it would cost to find an alternative venue that's big enough after our original venue fell through for reasons beyond our control.

We've decided to invite them for the evening and just apologise for the change in circumstances. If they choose not to come for just the evening then that's entirely their call but at least we'll have invited them.

Good compromise OP.
Enjoy your special day 🎊.

I'm sure that they will understand. Just make sure to speak in person rather than message or write. Have a wonderful day .

Perfect OP.
Things change.
Plans change.
Enjoy your day.

Why do you have to apologise? Did you specifically state in the Save the Date that they were invited to the ceremony? Leading with an apology may get their backs up that they’ve been slighted.

I did not. It just said Save the Date with our names, the date and the venue. I guess the apology would be more for changing the venue? Although it's not particularly a huge distance between the original venue and new venue so shouldn't change much from their perspective. Either way it was never going to be walking distance for them.

I appreciate what you're saying but that's probably not going to happen as the last time we spoke in person was probably pre-pandemic. I think it was around 2019 I last saw and therefore spoke to the extended family. We've messaged since then obviously but not met up in person and my family doesn't really do phone or video calls.

In that case, I’d skip the apology. Only announce that’s there’s a change of venue, not that there’s been a change to the day/evening guest list. No need saying that they would have been day guests at the former venue, but now are only evening guests at the current venue. No need for any drama.

Agree with poster above don't apologise for the evening invitation just apologise that venue changed

Not if they have limited holidays and a work shut down on specific dates. If it's a package holiday you can't just fly out on a day of your choosing.
It's not always as simple as that

Maybe not your exact day of choosing, but you normally get the option to search for dates with some flexibility (e.g. three days either side of preferred date). Ruling out one date doesn’t rule out the entire year, surely?

I think this. I think if you word it nicely and apologise it will be ok.

And if you can get them to the evening then great. Just explain it's a really small day gathering.