To uninvite family after sending save the date?

[CranberryHedgehog]

I used to be super close to my Aunt. We sent save the dates ages ago (think we got really overexcited 🙄) and invited my Aunt and Uncle as I really wanted her there. We then felt obligated to invite my cousins, my Nan and my other Aunt & Uncle. Since sending save the dates our circumstances have changed. We've had to change the venue which means substantially cutting down on day guests, we've also had a lot of change personally which means we don't want to be spending as much on a wedding. I haven't seen my Aunt in ages and any time I try to reach out I barely get anything back. I also rarely speak to the rest of the extended family. Would we BU to say that due to a change of circumstances unfortunately they are no longer invited?

I don't understand why you planned to invite them in the first place if they are all NC? How did your mum feel about it? I would pop a card in the post and say apologies, due to venue change we are restricted in numbers and sadly have to rescind our invitation. And leave it at that. If they are NC anyway, it won't make much difference either way.

Exactly what I was thinking 🤔

Of course they do. Every single one of our friends replied to the save the date and we've always acknowledged a save the date or at the very least mentioned the wedding at some point.

I've never replied to a save the date?! Only an actual invitation.

Either invite them to the evening do only, or explain about the need to change venues. Definitely don't just uninvite them and hope they won't notice, or make up an elaborate lie!

If they couldn’t be bothered to invite you to any family events then they would likely be relieved, just tell them circumstances have changed so all save the dates are currently cancelled. You don’t need to go into detail saying you have another venue etc.

Just invite them to the evening.

And I don't think people usually RSVP to save the dates! There's usually no expectation to reply on them.

Of course you don't reply to a save the date as in literally RSVP, but you it's reasonable to think you might message the couple along the lines of "can't wait, thanks so much" or at least bring it up when you next see them! A few people getting bogged down with semantics there I think.

Yes this is what I meant. Obviously not expecting people to say "yes definitely coming" or "no can't come" in the same way one would with an invitation. But whenever DP and I have received save the dates we've always messaged the couple in a kind of "yay, you have a date, I'm happy for you, thanks for the save the date" kind of way. Maybe that's just our group of friends though.

I think it would BU. But if relations have cooled / changed then go for it but be prepared for them to not be happy

Send a written cancellation out (notelets or the like) and that way you don't get the confrontation.

Hate save the dates. I want to book a holiday more than I want to come to your wedding and now I can’t because you’ve invited me two fecking years in advance

Could you not just book a holiday and then when you get the invite say no sorry I can't, I'm on holiday? The outcome is the same as if you hadn't had the save date, it just means you can make the choice personally what you'd rather?

Curious as to what the outcome was with your original question. Did you end up uninviting them

You can’t really choose though. Not without offending someone.

That’s actually a little but mental 🙈🤣

Just say you've had to downsize wedding but would love to meet up with them for a meal/day out/ drink,/coffee soon - whatever would suit them and you and suggest some dates

You should ring and explain personally that you are very sorry but that you can no longer afford the original wedding plans and that you have to cut back on numbers. You should also speak to your family members that are attending eg parents to explain the situation. I don't think the fact that they have or haven't invited you to their parties is relevant .You had invited them and potentially made them arrange holidays or whatever around you so you do need to apologise. Having said that I am sure that they will understand and if they don't then they are ungracious.

I don't get the point of save the date cards at all. It doesn't tell you anything other than the date. If you're not telling me where the wedding is and whether i need to travel or book the whole day or two days off then I'm not saving the date. I'm not booking the day off work / childcare / petsitter whatever only to find out the wedding is in the evening in the local hall that I can walk to. If you're going to invite people send an invitation with proper details. Many people don't even do that these days it's often done by group message or WhatsApp etc
Save the date cards are just another expense that you don't need.

I would tell them in a very apologetic way that you’d had to change plans.

Honestly, though, if they already aren’t inviting your family to things, there’s probably not much of a relationship to save!

I agree with that - save the date is very annoying!

I'd bet my house those Save The Date cards went straight into recycling, and I wouldn't spend any more time fretting that they might be offended if they don't get a follow up invitation...

YANBU, it was a save the date, circumstances have changed and all you can do is send, sorry but life has changes for us in so many ways, that we have hasd to change venues and our budget, so we can now only invite very close family and friends to s much smaller wedding.

This

Dd1 had already sent out the invitations to her wedding (May 2020) when it was cancelled due to covid. She rearranged it for the following May but there were restrictions on numbers - she was lucky she just missed the 15 limit so was allowed 30 including them. She had originally invited 50 excluding them so it was difficult having to cull the numbers. Thankfully everyone understood. Circumstances change!