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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum has bought DD a dress knowing we won’t like it.

484 replies

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 10:35

It’s DD first birthday soon and my mum has asked me to collect an outfit from hers ready for DD birthday.

My mum was laughing as she said that neither me or DH will like it/to our tastes but in her eyes it’s lovely.

What planet would I dress my DD, on her first birthday, in an outfit that caused a round of laughter over.

One hand I could be polite and pretend that DD got it dirty or I could straight out refuse to accept it.

What a waste of money and material. If anything I’m actually quite annoyed.

My mum has bought DD a dress knowing we won’t like it.
OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 01/10/2024 10:57

WhereAreAllTheOddSocks · 01/10/2024 10:47

Over reaction.
It's 1 day. She'll never wear it again.
Your dd also won't give 2 shits or even remember wearing it either.

But is it one day or will her mother do this every year now because she got away with it? Will she continue to buy outfits knowing her DD won't like them? I'd nip this in the bud now if I were OP.

StudioCreate · 01/10/2024 10:57

It's truly awful but I suspect that the seller has now received a lot of traffic to their website 😉

Edingril · 01/10/2024 10:58

Chaseandstatus · 01/10/2024 10:57

For me it depends what her name is.

Princess?

Gentleness · 01/10/2024 10:58

It's an odd thing to laugh over buying something you won't like unless you have the kind of relationship where this kind of joking is normal. It doesn't look like a cheap outfit for a joke buy though.

I can understand you finding this difficult and I'd assume there was a bit of jockeying for position going on if it happened to me with my own mum. It DID happen to me with MIL, buying things that we'd specifically said we didn't want - and it was partly power play I'm sure. Of course, we didn't address it outright. We just didn't use the things we didn't want to and praised up the great presents. And made sure it was clear that our family life was based on our own choices.

kindlyensure · 01/10/2024 10:58

I mean, it's kind of cute. She could wear the t shirt with some leggings for a birthday photo (it's the kind of cheesy thing that young adults like, so she might appreciate it when she's looking back at the photos years down the line.)

Also, the socks look cosy. The skirt looks quite wide around the waist and will be lovely and satisfyingly swishy when she is toddling. She will probably enjoy that. The colours are nice and muted.

What is odd is that your mum is laughing at you/your baby (by gifting an outfit she knows you won't like). That is the more puzzling thing and not very kind.

MavisPennies · 01/10/2024 10:58

You're being a bit of a knob to your mum over nothing, it's just clothes. You put the baby in it, take a photo, say thanks and if you hate it or it's not practical it doesn't get worn again. The baby won't care.
My mam loves girly/ royalty type clothes, other grandma knits weird stuff, third grandma goes in for quite tacky stuff like you have there. They all love my DC, they all think about them and what they think looks cute when they're out and about. That's wonderful! You have the same from your mum, it's a real gift.
Yes, if you like joke with her about your difference in taste but don't spoil a relationship because you think you should have all the control.

Hankunamatata · 01/10/2024 10:58

It won't cause a round of laughter. Your mum is laughing because she thinks it's absolutely lovely and would love to see her dgd in it but know it's not your taste. It's like nervous laughter

Pottedpalm · 01/10/2024 10:59

Yep, she has vastly overstepped the boundaries and the only solution is to cut all contact , well, until you need her for free childminding.
Or you could have a laugh.. ‘Good grief mum, that’s a bit ott! Never mind, she will look cute for a few photos. Next time can we come with you to look at dresses?’

Sia8899 · 01/10/2024 10:59

I think it’s really cute but appreciate we all have different tastes.

Is it really a big deal to dress your daughter in an outfit you don’t like for one day? Realistically you’ll have loads of other photos of her

The other option - “Sorry we really don’t like the outfit so won’t be using it for her birthday/party. Would you rather we send it back or keep it at yours for when you look after her?”

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 01/10/2024 10:59

It's the kind of outfit you put your child in for some photos for her birthday and then move on.

No need to be annoyed, really.

Gentleness · 01/10/2024 10:59

Illpickthatup · 01/10/2024 10:57

But is it one day or will her mother do this every year now because she got away with it? Will she continue to buy outfits knowing her DD won't like them? I'd nip this in the bud now if I were OP.

Show quote history

Yes, she will.

Hankunamatata · 01/10/2024 11:00

I think it's quite sweet. Won't kill the baby to wear it for a day. Doesn't have to be on her birthday

kindlyensure · 01/10/2024 11:00

@Chaseandstatus yes, (waits for the reveal when the child is not called Lily. That would be a real twist!)

AgainandagainandagainSS · 01/10/2024 11:00

It's not like she is asking YOU to wear it.
You sound spoilt.

GhostVase · 01/10/2024 11:00

Cardamomandlemons · 01/10/2024 10:39

Put her in it, take a few pics.

  1. It will make your mother happy
  2. You can use the pics for blackmail purposes when she is about 15 and won't tidy her bedroom

Exactly. It’s godawful, but useful potential blackmail purposes, and it’s a baby outfit, not a baby face tattoo.

autienotnaughty · 01/10/2024 11:01

I love it.

I'd be slightly miffed if my mum chose something she knew I wouldn't like though.

If you don't want her to wear it I'd put her in it. Take a photo, send the pic to your mum on her birthday and then dress her in whatever you want.

61here · 01/10/2024 11:02

I think it's quite cute for just one day. If your relationship with your mum is usually good I'd just let her wear it for a few hours and some cute photos and let it go. If you think it's a symptom of a deeper problem the you need to have a proper conversation about everything.

Amazonmulu · 01/10/2024 11:02

You don't need to explain why you don't like it. It's your baby. You get to dress YOUR baby how you like.

You can thank DM for dress. And you still don't have to put your DD in it.

End of.

nextdoornightmares · 01/10/2024 11:02

This kind of thing does my head in because it's exactly the kind of thing my own mother does. And it's completely disrespectful. Of course lots of people will say put her in it to pacify your mum or that you're being ungrateful or whatever but that's missing the point entirely. Having your opinions and wishes just dismissed is incredibly frustrating especially when it's turned back on you. Mine continously buys clothes for my children which I would never buy them and I feel obliged to use them and then their drawers and wardrobes are rammed full of things I would never pick for them. This is despite telling her to stop buying them clothes. And she will ask over and over if they've worn them or expects to see them wearing them. Just yesterday she said she saw a "lovely" outfit for the baby I'm currently pregnant with. I said I don't like it. She said she was buying it anyway. So that's another ugly outfit to add to the collection. She also went in a huff because she bought a "lovely" dress for our little girl and thought she should wear it to a birthday party we went to. I dressed her in something else. Heaven forbid I make decisions about my own children. I even said they have too much so could she not buy anything else and SHE told ME that I should stop buying them clothes then! Anyway I've rambled on enough. Can you tell it's a sore point and I'm a raging 8 month pregnant hormonal woman 😂

Coconutter24 · 01/10/2024 11:03

If you don’t like it DD doesn’t have to wear it. I’d maybe put her in it for a pic to send to your mum be polite but that’s it. If your mum expects her to wear it all day or for a party or something I’d just tell her I bought her a dress that I liked and she shouldn’t be surprised considering she was actually laughing about how your not going to like the dress she bought.

Notreat · 01/10/2024 11:03

Week01 · 01/10/2024 10:36

It's beautiful

I think it's horrible and completely impractical for a baby. I can't see how all that netting can be very comfortable or easy for a baby to move around in.
If it was just a colour or pattern you didn't like I'd say grin and bear it as babies get though a lot of clothes and don't don't care what they wear . But that just looks as though she is being used as a dressing up doll.
OP can you ask for the receipt?

Lemonadeand · 01/10/2024 11:03

Do a cake smash at home and take a couple of pictures of her in it to send to your Mum. Put her in what you like for her actual birthday.

It sounds like your Mum is having a bit of a laugh.

MrsSunshine2b · 01/10/2024 11:03

There's nothing wrong with it. The skirt is even detachable so you can put it on for a picture and then take it off so she can crawl around in the body. Why are you so resistant to your little girl being allowed to wear a dress?

Lemonadeand · 01/10/2024 11:04

AgainandagainandagainSS · 01/10/2024 11:00

It's not like she is asking YOU to wear it.
You sound spoilt.

Spoilt for having tastes and an opinion? Jeez.

nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 11:04

i’ll wager that you and your mother aren’t close

a close relationship? if my mum made a joke about buying something she knew that i wouldn’t love but she did… then i was absolutely dress my daughter in it. I control what my daughter wear 99.999999%nod the time, so if it was important to my mum… i’d be cool with it

but i am guessing your mum isn’t otherwise great
and you and her have a somewhat fraught history