Page 17 | My mum has bought DD a dress knowing we won’t like it.

Glasscabinet · 2024-10-01T09:35:00+00:00

It’s DD first birthday soon and my mum has asked me to collect an outfit from hers ready for DD birthday. My mum was laughing as she said that neither me or DH will like it/to our tastes but in her eyes it’s lovely. What planet would I dress my DD, on her first birthday, in an outfit that caused a round of laughter over. One hand I could be polite and pretend that DD got it dirty or I could straight out refuse to accept it. What a waste of money and material. If anything I’m actually quite annoyed.

OnYourTogs · 01/10/2024 16:13

MrsSunshine2b · 01/10/2024 11:03

There's nothing wrong with it. The skirt is even detachable so you can put it on for a picture and then take it off so she can crawl around in the body. Why are you so resistant to your little girl being allowed to wear a dress?

Because it's a truly horrible dress I guess. But then I think she sounds just stick the thing on fire a photo and move on.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/10/2024 17:21

coffeesaveslives · 01/10/2024 15:59

Well, it can just be stuck in the bag for charity then.

Show quote history

Yes but then the charity shop are going to have the problem of shifting it, and they're no more likely to find someone who wants it. Ultimately it's destined for landfill.

Needmorelego · 01/10/2024 17:21

It's not even a dress though.
It's a bodysuit - which I expect will get worn several times as babies go through like 3 a day.
A headband (my daughter would have pulled it off in seconds), socks - I mean they're socks and a frilly skirt.
The baby herself will probably decide if she likes the skirt (pulling it off or crying).
Such a load of fuss about nothing.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/10/2024 17:28

OnYourTogs · 01/10/2024 16:10

Hideous, but why not stick her in it for a few photos. It's just a dress albeit not a very nice one.

Show quote history

Because girls aren’t dolls to dress up just to please Grandma.

coffeesaveslives · 01/10/2024 17:29

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/10/2024 17:21

Yes but then the charity shop are going to have the problem of shifting it, and they're no more likely to find someone who wants it. Ultimately it's destined for landfill.

Show quote history

Why do you think the charity shop won't shift it? Lily is a really, really common name - I'm sure someone will spot it and buy it. And if not, well, it's hardly any different to all the other toddler stuff that ends up in landfill.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/10/2024 17:30

Pushmepullu · 01/10/2024 16:07

So glad I’ve got a boy!

I have twin girls and people go crazy with the pink and frilly, especially matching.

It all goes straight to charity.

Mnetcurious · 01/10/2024 17:40

nextdoornightmares · 01/10/2024 11:02

This kind of thing does my head in because it's exactly the kind of thing my own mother does. And it's completely disrespectful. Of course lots of people will say put her in it to pacify your mum or that you're being ungrateful or whatever but that's missing the point entirely. Having your opinions and wishes just dismissed is incredibly frustrating especially when it's turned back on you. Mine continously buys clothes for my children which I would never buy them and I feel obliged to use them and then their drawers and wardrobes are rammed full of things I would never pick for them. This is despite telling her to stop buying them clothes. And she will ask over and over if they've worn them or expects to see them wearing them. Just yesterday she said she saw a "lovely" outfit for the baby I'm currently pregnant with. I said I don't like it. She said she was buying it anyway. So that's another ugly outfit to add to the collection. She also went in a huff because she bought a "lovely" dress for our little girl and thought she should wear it to a birthday party we went to. I dressed her in something else. Heaven forbid I make decisions about my own children. I even said they have too much so could she not buy anything else and SHE told ME that I should stop buying them clothes then! Anyway I've rambled on enough. Can you tell it's a sore point and I'm a raging 8 month pregnant hormonal woman 😂

Your problem here is that you’re allowing her to keep going with the disrespectful behaviour by actually putting the kids in the clothes you don’t like, and she knows you don’t like them.

“she will ask over and over if they've worn them or expects to see them wearing them” - you need to say no it’s not my taste so I prefer not to put them in that outfit. Certainly don’t put them in the clothes when you know you’ll be seeing her as that just validates her choice.

she said she saw a "lovely" outfit for the baby I'm currently pregnant with. I said I don't like it. She said she was buying it anyway. - then your response should be “that’s up to you but I won’t be putting her in that dress so you will be wasting your money.”

Make her see that she can’t force you, don’t be a pushover.

CheeseWisely · 01/10/2024 17:47

@MissScarletInTheBallroom I think the OP has used the example picture from Etsy or wherever, not the actual one with her DD's name on. In any case it's all separates, someone may well buy the skirt / socks / headband from the charity shop if that's their taste. The vest can go under other stuff at this time of year and through winter.

My DS has a vest that's a souvenir from Croatia (and says as much on it). We've never been there. It was 50p in the charity shop and my DH thought it was cute so DS wears it. He's a tiny baby, he couldn't care less and neither could we.

Original poster

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

OP posts:

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/10/2024 18:27

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

Can she come round first and pose for a photo before you put DD in her real dress and the other guests arrive?

FictionalCharacter · 01/10/2024 18:32

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

Your mum really isn't very nice, is she?

If I knew my daughter hated big head bows, the last thing on earth I'd do is try to force her to put her baby in one.

It's 100% an act of dominance over you. And as always we have people on here telling you to give in to her!

CurbsideProphet · 01/10/2024 18:40

My MIL gave us a Christmas baby outfit and said " he will wear that on his first Christmas day"... I replied "we already have a couple of outfits for Christmas day, but he can wear it boxing day"...

In your case I would say " we can wear it in the morning but we already have a little party outfit thank you" and then not be drawn I to any further conversations about it.

mogtheexcellent · 01/10/2024 18:42

I would also be annoyed. And its hideous.

Thank fuck my DD is 10 and i no longer get this from MIL.

Hollietree · 01/10/2024 18:42

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

Is your Mum usually a dominating control freak?

I think you need to stand firm with her - this is my child, I have chosen the outfit she is wearing for her first birthday party. You can dress her in that outfit before/after the party, or another day.

If you don’t stand firm she’ll soon be telling you how to cut her hair, which school she must go to, etc etc.

Needmorelego · 01/10/2024 18:51

It's a headband. Your daughter will pull it off after about 10 seconds.
Put it on. Take the photo. By then your daughter will have chucked it to the floor.

Errors · 01/10/2024 18:54

FictionalCharacter · 01/10/2024 18:32

Your mum really isn't very nice, is she?

If I knew my daughter hated big head bows, the last thing on earth I'd do is try to force her to put her baby in one.

It's 100% an act of dominance over you. And as always we have people on here telling you to give in to her!

Show quote history

Yeah this. Tell her to fuck off

GroaningGyrtle · 01/10/2024 19:25

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

I don’t know if your mum is a dick, but she’s acting like one. You don’t have to capitulate in this, OP x

Runningupthecurtains · 01/10/2024 19:28

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

I assume your granny didn't get to choose what you /any siblings you have wore. Remind your mum that she has had her turn and as a parent you get to do the fun stuff like choosing party outfits not just the grind like changing nappies.
Tell her you have chosen what your daughter will wear on her birthday/for her party and that it doesn't include a stupid head band because
1 - she isn't an Easter egg
2 - she isn't a doll and will be moving about, pulling things off her head
3 - they are dangerous
4 - it's not your taste

But your mum an item of clothing for Christmas that is complete opposite to her style and inform her that will she her in it or else.

nextdoornightmares · 01/10/2024 19:29

Mnetcurious · 01/10/2024 17:40

Your problem here is that you’re allowing her to keep going with the disrespectful behaviour by actually putting the kids in the clothes you don’t like, and she knows you don’t like them.

“she will ask over and over if they've worn them or expects to see them wearing them” - you need to say no it’s not my taste so I prefer not to put them in that outfit. Certainly don’t put them in the clothes when you know you’ll be seeing her as that just validates her choice.

she said she saw a "lovely" outfit for the baby I'm currently pregnant with. I said I don't like it. She said she was buying it anyway. - then your response should be “that’s up to you but I won’t be putting her in that dress so you will be wasting your money.”

Make her see that she can’t force you, don’t be a pushover.

Show quote history

You're absolutely right. She's a very difficult person in many ways though. Which I know isn't really an excuse and allowing the behaviour just makes it easy for her to continue being so controlling and undermining me. I have definitely stood up for myself more since having my children, which she doesn't like and causes all sorts of drama and quite frankly being nasty/abusive from her, but I definitely do need to do it more!

Lovelylilylane · 01/10/2024 19:35

Miffylou · 01/10/2024 12:50

I think it’s vile. But your and my opinions don’t matter, the point is that OP doesn’t like it and her mother knew she wouldn’t.

Show quote history

Sadly as a society we are becoming fixated on ourselves. Why can’t her daughter understand that it would delight her mother for baby to wear it? Where is the generosity of spirit towards a woman who gave birth and raised her? So sad.

KirstenBlest · 01/10/2024 19:37

Her mum's a bully.

Funnywonder · 01/10/2024 19:43

Oh boy, after reading that update, no way would I even dress my child for a photo as I thought earlier. Your mum sounds very controlling and it’s horrible that she wants to have a laugh at your expense.

Just no way. That’s a fight I’d definitely be up for, given her attitude.

Miffylou · 01/10/2024 19:43

Lovelylilylane · 01/10/2024 19:35

Sadly as a society we are becoming fixated on ourselves. Why can’t her daughter understand that it would delight her mother for baby to wear it? Where is the generosity of spirit towards a woman who gave birth and raised her? So sad.

Show quote history

To me it seems that it is the grandmother who is fixated on herself. She knew her daughter would not like the outfit and the baby wouldn’t care either way, so she was thinking only of her own desire to see the baby in it, and consciously going against what she knew the baby's mother would want.

Why can’t the grandmother understand that it would delight her daughter to be able to choose her baby's outfit herself for a special occasion? Where is the generosity of spirit that would recognise that the grandmother chose the clothes for her own children and should afford her daughter the same right?

honeybeetheoneandonly · 01/10/2024 20:06

I know I'm massively projecting but I wouldn't dress my kids in anything I didn't like just to appease my mom. It's absolutely fine to not dress her in it at all and not engage in a discussion about it either.

Lavender14 · 01/10/2024 20:09

Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?? When ds was born lots of people gifted us outfits that wouldn't be to my taste. I put ds in them, took a photo and sent it to them saying thank you.

My guess is your mum is laughing at how seriously she knew you'd react rather than the dress itself. Its not my taste either but I wouldn't say its totally offensive either.

The same applies as if you were given a present you don't much like - you smile and say thankful and be grateful for the thought.